I finally started the struggle of getting out of the mess i'm clean already for a few days, BUT i feel every day that pass by its harder and harder and feel going to act out anytime soon, i know that when once it will pass i will will be pissed off what a shoita i was for doing it, but thats the feeling i have now and thats why im posting it i need help how can i make it easier and how can i control myself when i feel i need it so deeply, please guys i see such a wonderful posts here and people really try to help each other and make a naches for hashem please help me as well,

Welcome Joel!!!

Can you be more specific about your struggle? is it only masturbation, porn, both? what have you been doing not to fall?

Hatzlacha Rabbah

All of them.............I have started the 90 days

and what do you plan to do differently during those 90 days?

welcome joel

good move to join and to post

the 90 days can be a difficult task to start out with
its a long time (longer than 90 days)
you need to start with some sort of change from your lifestyle

you want to look for the trigger
what causes you to act out?
what brings about those feelings?
if you know the answer to those questions, can you avoid them?

the oilam here looks forward to helping you out

AlexEliezer, differently i have put up a filter on my PC,

cordnoy, i know its difficult, so what else should i do ??? and my human nature trigers it

It sounds like you are "holding your breath". Just working towards 90 days is not a tool. You must do something different. There are generally things that trigger us to act out. Some may be physical triggers like watching TV, or movies, or surfing the net, or going to certain places... There are also emotional triggers, when we are angry, afraid, alone... At those times, we look to our favorite most reliable drug to releive the stress.

Perhaps the first and most basic step in this struggle is to identify what those triggers are. For physical triggers, we can make fences to avoid them. For emotional triggers, we can learn to deal with them in a healthy way. Much of the 12 step system deals with healthy ways to deal with those stresses and to fix the negative character traits that are at the root of them.

and don't think of the upcoming week or the upcoming trip, and it will be so difficult.
What can I do today, now, that will prevent me from lusting, or even if I lust, it will prevent me from acting out?

it seems since this morning, you have found some success; build on it.

we are with you!!!

Joel10950 wrote:


When I first started getting sober, a filter would have done little for me. Because my problem wasn't internet porn. I was into porn long before the internet was invented. And not just porn. I was lusting all day. I stared at every female within sight and entertained thoughts about them. No females to see? No problem. I had a vast store of files in my brain -- images, fantasies, scenarios, memories. I was in deep. The internet just brought my favorite fantasies to "life." At the end of a long day of arousal, I needed to open the release valve.

Only when I realized that I was the problem, not anything else -- not the internet, not the way women dress, and certainly not my wife -- only then could I begin to heal. My problem is that I am addicted to the arousal of lust. Little sips of it and big drinks. Once I was truly willing to give up lust in all of its forms, and committed firmly to this, avoiding all sources of lust -- then I was able to know what being sober meant.

how can i identify what triggers, where and whenever i go i see only one thing in my mind....... and its very hard to get it out from there, im powerless over lust and cant handle it,

I totally relate with you, the triggers are everywhere.

I think that leaves us with one option, don't look everywhere!! Shemiras Einayim is the only way to stay out of it. Just seeing the female form gives me my drug, and I therefore have to avoid it at all costs. And if I do, by accident, see it, I don't feed on it, rather look away.

It helps if I have something ready for me to think about, a vort, a question, a joke, anything that we have ready just to preoccupy our minds for that second that it wants to wonder to dangerous teritory.

The ikkur is KOT KOMT, you're on the way and that's the main thing!!!

Joel10950 wrote:

There must be some situations that are more difficult than others. There must be some triggers that are easier to eliminate than others. You gotta start somewhere.

Have you spoken to anyone about your problem other than posting on this forum?

Oh, and mazal tov, admitting powerlessness is step 1 .

Joel10950 wrote:


Indeed. I have found that I can't do it alone. What worked for me, in addition to the very strict shemiras eynayim Pidaini already suggested, is a tefilla which I say every time I sense a lustful thought of any kind trying to land on my mind. This might be an image, a fantasy, or the urge to do something to feed my lust (e.g. look at pictures). I say it as soon as I sense the thought coming, and keep repeating it as often as necessary. It is a good idea to have good things to think about instead.

Here's the tefilla (you may note it looks a lot like the first few Steps) :

Ribono Shel Olam, I am powerless over lust and my life has become unmanageable.
Only You can restore me to sanity.
I turn my life and my lust over to Your care and ask you to please heal me from this illness of lust. I don’t want to lust. I only want You and a relationship with You and Your Torah. I surrender my lust to you. Please take my lust.

What kind of stresses do you have in your life? Is anything bringing you down, making you anxious?
How do you deal with those things?