Just reread this in Yaakov's Ladder

gibbor120 wrote:

shivisi
Yea but the I isn't the focus. On Facebook it's I like this. I I I I I. On GYE it's i thank you. The focus is on the you, the other person.
In Modeh the focus isn't ani the focus is Hashem. Furthermore, we start of the day with Modeh as in Modeh ani. the ani is already subjugated before Hashem right off the bat. It's not even a real ani (ie. ego ani) it's a humble ani.

Oops, sorry Gibbor i didn't quote you. forgot who wrote this. Thanks Pidaini!

Amazing Shiur by R. Wallerstein: www.torahanytime.com/video/parashat-behar-dont-focus-on-where-you-fell-focus-on-where-you-slipped/

especially from 21 and on. He speaks of two major points. Everyone single person (and thing) matters and Don't focus on the fall, focus on the cause (i.e. underlying issue)

Why do i even worry?

Today, i had to ride my bike a fairly long distance (for me at least) over unfamiliar territory. And for the past few days i have been scared. What if i get lost? What if i fall off the bridge into the water? What if i fall into the wall? etc, etc......I was worried.

But, i took off and asked Hashem for help and reminded myself that everything will be fine.

It was. The scenery was incredible: Mountains, water, grass. Baruch Hashem. And i got to my destination unscathed. So i learned, I don't need to fret, worry.... I just have to relax and trust in Hashem. Remove the junk (fears, disappointments worries) and get clean (live life). That is the key to recovery, for me.

hi

TehillimZugger
WHOAH!!!!! What's the occasion that you finally peep in?????

In any case, stick around we need your Tehillim and birdie!

Last week, as i was mumbling V’atem hadvekim B’Hashem elokechem chayim kulchem hayom, I realized I should probably know what I am saying.

Amazingly, i read: You shall cling to Hashem, your God, you are all alive today.

WOW! What an incredible statement! Its basically our mission statement as addicts.

You shall cling to Hashem, your God-YOU should cling to Hashem. We have to take the first steps. We can’t just pray to Hashem to take the yetzer away. We have to use concrete steps and show that we care. We have to do our hishtadlus. We may have to go to SA or join a conference, meet a fellow addict, talk to our Rabbi. Whatever it is. But we have to take the initial steps.

You are all alive-then we will live. Only when we cling to Hashem, we will truly be living. Living essentially means growing. It means progressing up the ladder. Overcoming obstacles and not escaping life. It means leaving all of the worries, regrets, fears, resentments (etc) behind and appreciating life as it is right now. Appreciate what you have have, what Hashem has given you. You’re family, kids, wife, job, house, computer (we all have computers!!! Isn’t amazing that we can afford such a thing, of course its for GYE to help us recover ) our incredible bodies. Living means taking a deep breath and stepping back. How fortunate we are!

Today-This means that everything in the past has happened and what will happen is irrelevant. The past cant be changed and the future isn’t here yet. Focusing on right now and only right now. What can we do today? We can’t finish a huge business project or all of shas in one day!! But i can write one page and learn one daf.

Every single time, there is a Torah reading we say this line! Perhaps, we (or at least me) can start thinking about what we are saying and it will seep into our hearts and we will start living by it!

Last night i couldn't sleep. I reached for my iPod to time myself learning (I set an amount of time to learn each day ). I ended up trying to look for unfiltered internet through an app. I was successful and went to a bad site and clicked on a video. BUT, I immediately closed the video and the app and messaged a friend (Baruch Hashem, I have GYE friends on the other continent). Then, I asked Hashem to help me and reminded my self that i don't give pleasure from this. My friend (What a Tzaddik!! ) said go to bed so i turned off my iPod and went to sleep.

Baruch Hashem!!!

I learned a few things from this: It is so valuable to have friends of which i can easily send a quick message from (I highly suggest "Hangouts" as in Google Hangouts). I obviously wasn't thinking rationally but for the past few months i have told my self: "Its not worth it, what pleasure do i really get from it? Furthermore, it will just put me in a downward spiral to rock bottom." Also, i learned I have to be careful because i have the potential to fall anytime, anywhere. I always have to be on guard (but I don't have to obsess).

Baruch Hashem, Thank God. I am doing well. I am not angry, worried, panicked, or depressed. This stuff happens and i am patching up the problem and just continuing to live life one day at a time.

Life is going really well. I have a lots to do but thats ok, I just have to take it one day at a time. One task at a time.

Baruch Hashem, Baruch Hashem, Baruch Hashem. Its good to be alive.

WOOOH!

Great perseverance DMS. That's what its all about... After a storm comes a calm. After confusion comes clarity. Its all about having that faith that Hashem will guide you even though it might seem like no reason to stop. Sometimes when we feel hopeless we just have to do what we can, with the resources we have. Exactly what DMS with the google chat.

I found this great picture about perseverance which i think pertains to us (in the attachment). Look at how a seed transforms into a magnificent creation from feeling hopeless.

Thanks for the honesty, and good work.

One thing that I'm learning, is that we are either going up or down, as in 9494's biking mashal. Even if I'm doing the right things, but if I'm not growing, adding things, then somethings going to end up going down.

I don't have the slightest idea if this is practical for you, just writing what would be IS practical for me.

The Gaon says that about life.

I think regardin' this that you can coast as long as there isn't constant strugglin'.

Just my thought.

b'hatzlachah

Thanks Yankel. I do agree with you. I need to make sure i am going up but i think i am just going to disregard this and move on. I patched up the problem so I'll keep living life the way i was before.

V'nomar Amen!!!

Yesterday, my shul did an activity. i hated this activity as a kid and i always use to say "i suck at it. I am no good, I am useless. This activity sucks. its boring, Its stupid"

But, yesterday, i decided to join and it was actually fun! I got into it and played hard. I played relatively well too.

I was surprised. I really did not like this activity when i was a kid. But when they said: "activity over," I groaned and asked for some more time!! WOW!

I learned I don't have to put my self down. I am not amazing at this activity but so what? Who cares? I CAN DO IT!! Even if i am not amazing, i can work my way up. Yesterday i surprised my self. I did well.

Why do we have to discourage ourselves so much??? Its not good for us and it only bring us further and further down. Lets just try and if we don't do incredible: whatever! We will try again next time. At least we tried!

i am in total awe of your struggle. this much i can say when you do reach a certain goal in this area, do a dance. and you should know even for very frum people there are several struggles in this area.
keep up the good work.