fair enough....

our wives in the end know everything, we cant hide from them, that is Hashems way of making us accountable in this world....

Hey, its been a while but I just wanted to check in. B'Chasdei Hashem things have been going well. I've been very busy. Its amazing how much you can get down when you are not consuming your time looking at porn and other inappropriate things online. I now have 22.5 days clean. I really dont remember the last time I have been clean for this long. I pray to Hashem that I can continue; one day at a time.

PS. love the discussion about telling the wife. It has constantly been on my mind but thanx to the Hadracha you guys have given it has comed me down.
SO TRUE! Even if they dont KNOW they still know something is up.

Excellent!
Keep up the good job.
I myself have hit a rough patch, but I am clean, Boruch Hashem. Stay 'round, chaver, let us hear you tell more good news.
Are you working the program (any kind) or just white-knuckling it?

Hey Obormottel and anontyva,

A hug each to you fellow broken hearts, keep on truckin, never let that guy get to you....

HY

Mottella,

I white-knuckled the first week or so. I called in to the phone conference for two weeks straight and then my life got a bit busier so I havent been able to call in as often. I got a sponsor and Baruch Hashem, we have connected a few times already. I suppose my next step is to really start working the steps even though, and PLEASE tell me if I am wrong, I think I have done the first 3 already.

1. I admit I am powerless of this addiction of lust and my life is unmannagable.- Thats why I am here


2. I came (and really always have but now have internalized) to believe that Hashem can restore me to sanity.- I can no longer do this by myself. I need Hashem for this
   
3. I have turned my life and will to the care of Hashem. -I am praying all the time for his guidance and intervention
   

Very good.
Turns out, there is a deeper dimension to the three first steps, but I am sure your sponsor will point this out.
I was also sure that the first three are done by default, similar to what you're describing, but was amazed to learn more.
Keep it up!

Yeah, the steps are more like chapter titles.  They really don't explain a whole lot.  You gotta read the chapter, oh yeah, and then write about it.

I guess I still have ALOT to learn. Anyway, I just wanted to check in and stay connected here. The forum has been very helpful and has provided me with a healthy outlet to deal with my burning desires. While I havent posted lately I have still checked in and have been reading different posts. It's been tremendously helpful. I have 29 days now and if Hashem will grant me the strength to get through tomorrow I will have a month clean from acting out, looking at porn, and masturbating. I cant believe I have made it this far. Thank you for all of you who have commented and read my posts. Its unbelievable to know that I am not alone and I have brothers trudging along this muddy path with me! Ashrecha to al of you!!

excellent! keep on trucking!

Just a fellow "trudger" saying hello.

HELLO! KOT & KUTGW!

Dear Anontyva,

Great work Lchaim to 30 days, then 40, etc

It is now easier for me than it was before because I have downloaded the Shmiras eynayim classes you can get them here.  I listen to them when i have free time and it helps keep me focused and stay holy and be kadosh for my wife who has suffered due to my problem in this area. 

I STRONGLY suggest you download some clips and listen on your MP3 player and I am sure it will help you for thelonger run, especially when you may lose focus and become vulnerable. 

I can say this is one of the most powerful tools to help you, mainly i think because we have little urges in the back of our head but when we have the holy and loving voice of Dovy he replaces any thoughts of falling.  Just try it for a week and see how that goes and let me know. 

You can download the Shmiras eynayim clips here:
guardyoureyes.com/live/component/zoo/item/windows-of-the-soul-group

With love and support,

HY

Way to go Anon.  Appreciate the update.
Never let your guard down.  Never get complacent.
No sipping -- no slipping!

Hey Guys,

I wanted to check in as I'm feeling very vulnerable today. It all started with a very triggering dream. Ever since I woke up I have been feeling very strong urges. My shmiras Eynayim today (although not pictures of nudity or pornography) has not been as strong as its been lately. I'm just trying to get through today but not even half way through. I have 36.5 days clean and I really want to make it to 40 (then to 41 then to 50) and eventually to 90 and beyond. I am going to make a meeting today and reach out to others but I really wanted to post to get some of this out right now.

I actually wrote up a whole long post on Friday replying on someone elses wall. I was gonna copy it and paste it here because I thought it would have be nice to share with you guys. As Hashem would have it my internet shut down before I was able to post it. I cant really recall what I wrote; it was an inspiration moment. I shared something along the lines of how hard things were in the beginning but I'm beginning to see some of the obsession left. Today, the obsession has returned with glory. To the point where I'm thinking to just forget it all to relieve this obsession. I know its insanity and I'm glad that I'm catching my thoughts because I know that its not what I REALLY want; its what my addiction wants.

Hashem is with me! This too shall pass!

That's one of the YH's ways of playing dirty, when you control your thoughts while you're awake you get dreams instead. I had that a couple of times too. Dreams so vivid i was sure it was real. Then I woke up and it was a huge effort not to finish it right there.

Just try to keep your mind occupied with productive things, the memories will fade away.

You're doing great, stay strong and Keep On Trucking!!!!

Gevura!

I also found that vivid dreams keep haunting me during the day, so I realized that in truth I remember very little of the dream but keep fantasizing based on a "feeling" that the dream left me with, and fill up gaps in my recollection with fantasy. I found that relating the dream verbally puts it into it's place: a broken up and unreal imagery, and then it goes away completely.
But you guys are right, it is a dirty trick played on us by the disease, and it certainly feeds the mind with dirty pictures for a long time.
So I give it up in davening by asking Hashem to help me stay sober for another day and to take away my lust.