I am shutting my mind off and I am just going to write. I have never spoken about my struggles with anyone since my yeshiva year. Even then it was only to a couple of close rabbeim. Truth is, I never really felt guilty about it then because it was typical that as teenager, you masturbate. I always figured that as I got older I would stop. Well, here I am. Married almost 10 years and I can not stop on my own. I am not in control of myself.  Nobody knows this though. Not my wife. Not my closest friends. I am a put together guy who has a leading role in my community. Today, after falling and failing to control myself again (2x) I have set up an account here. I have joined the 90-day program. And, I think, most important, I am talking about it and outing myself. I know theres alot more outing to do but I'm taking this step first. Hashem should be with me and I know He will.

Welcome!
We are happy to have you. If you tell us more about yourself, we'll give you our opinions, which are usually kind.
If you get hungry, visit me here http://www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=4692.0, and for a nice drink go here http://www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=1609.0
Here http://www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=1701.0 they serve cholint all week long, if you're into this stuff.
Oh, almost forgot. Here is an official welcome package for newcomers. Make good use of it, and our good G-d will drag you out of the mud.

http://www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=3677.msg101129#msg101129

Welcome, alot of us here have very similar stories.  Talking it out with others who understand you is a great first step.  You may want to check out this link:  www.guardureyes.com/GUE/PDFs/ebooks/Nutshell%20July2011.pdf  Hatzlacha and remember take one day at a time.

Welcome Anontyva!

Yup.  Thought I was a normal teen (in this regard) 'til I was no longer a teen.  Was disappointed that I was unable to give it up when I got married.  I tried many things, which worked for a while, but always fell back.  Then my shmiras eynayim got even more out of control, and I got pulled in further by internet shmutz.  This took my acting out to a whole new level.

Coming here over 2-1/2 years ago, I discovered I was an addict, not just a baal taiva.  By addressing the addiction with proven recovery techniques (for me, applying the 12 steps), I was able to remain clean.  Extreme shmiras eynayim has been the cornerstone of my recovery.  And the foundation is Hashem Himself, who I turn to quickly with tefila whenever I sense the urges coming, or lustful thoughts come.  I verbally give up my lust to Him, and he takes it.

Wishing you great success and sobriety from here on.  One day at a time.  One right decision at a time.

Alex

I'm so annoyed!! I called in to the phone conference as part of surge on the journey to rid myself of my impulses and as the meeting was getting starting I got a knock on my office door. I forgot about a scheduled meeting. Arggh... Well its been less than 24 hours but so far I'm still here. Thank you for the welcome. Alex, I certainly am ready to identify myself as an addict and begin my path to recovery. I know, for me, its more than Tyva. Tyva should come and go but for me it stays. The slightest thing can set me off and take me down. The despair and the deceit I feel is frustrating and, yes, filled with feelings of hopelessness. There are too many times where its difficult for me to look at my wife because I feel so ashamed. Even though she doesnt know, the guilt and embarrassment is very much still there. In the last 24+ hours we lost a Gadol B'Yisroel and too many Neshamos Tehoros. I feel guilty for that as well. So much tzar in Klal Yisroel and my selfish self can only think about filling my own "needs". Hashem should watch over me and all of our brothers and sisters. This morning at shachris, I asked Hashem to, just for today, take my struggle and deal with it because I just cant!

anontyva wrote on 08 Nov 2011 19:26:


Easy on the guilt.  This taiva is no longer something you can control, but...

anontyva wrote on 08 Nov 2011 19:26:


Now your cookin' with gas!

WELCOME!  I don't see that anyone posted the welcome package yet, so here it is:

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

GuardYourEyes (GYE) is a vibrant network and fellowship of Jews of all affiliations, struggling to purify themselves and break free of lust related behaviors. For the first time, there is somewhere to turn to for help in these areas. We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama  .  Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!
 
In the last couple of years, the GYE network has helped roughly 1,000 Jews get back on a path of sanity, self-control and healing and has touched the lives of thousands more. GYE has become known throughout the Jewish world as the number one address for dealing with these challenges which have reached epidemic proportions. 

The tools of our recovery program were developed with guidance from the best experts in the field, such as Rabbi Dr. Avraham J. Twerski, and through the personal experience of hundreds of Jews who successfully broke free. We use a unique approach that recognizes that there are many different levels in these struggles.

Our network is comprised of a website, a pulsating forum, phone conferences, daily Chizuk e-mails, support hotlines, therapists, live 12-Step groups and a program of recovery for all levels of this struggle/addiction.

All our work is free of charge and we zealously protect the complete anonymity of all our members.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into your journey:

1) See the "GYE Program in a Nutshell" (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer) that can help you quickly identify at what level of the struggle you are at, and which tools and features would help you most at your particular level.

2) Install a strong filter (see this page for more info). It is hard to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away.  The filter gabai at filter.gye@gmail.com will hold the passwords for you. We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability.

3) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

4) Join the 90 Day Challenge. Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change the neuron pathways created by addictive behaviors in the brain.

5) Post away on this forum, where hundreds of yidden like you exchange chizuk and post logs of their journey to recovery. You will internalize that you are not alone, and you will learn the techniques and attitude that work for so many others.

6) Join our free anonymous phone conferences, led by an experienced sponsor.

7) If you need more general guidance, write to GYE’s helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call the hotline at 646-600-8100.

8.) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook" (a hard copy can be purchased for cost price over here). This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "The 20 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

The second part, "Attitude & Perspective", detail 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

Our souls cry inside of us, but we have accustomed ourselves to block out that cry. Today we can begin to be who we really want to be.

We are here for you.
www.GuardYourEyes.org
GYE E-Mail Helpline: gye.help@gmail.com
GYE Phone Hotline: 646-600-8100
Help us help others: Donate Here

Well, its been a full 24 hours now and I did it!!! ;D I am not gonna get all too pumped because I have had thousands of "1st day"s. But as it goes one day at a time so shall I! I have been reading alot of posts on this forum (trying to do some work as well). I am ready to start my second day now. I think, though, that I should be logging this in another section. I may move it over there soon but until then....

Keep at it, chaver!

its funny how we all have the same thought patterns

Which thoughts are you referring to exactly? I do know what you mean though and identify with that... I have gone to many AA meetings more for the inspiration and chizuk (I dont identify as an alcoholic) and so many times I have identified with the addict frame of mind and thought process (I havent gone to a meeting in a long time as I've been consumed with my own disease of late). Perhaps I should start going again.

helpme! wrote on 09 Nov 2011 13:41:

that is the power of this forum, and of meeting with other addicts in general: suddenly you realize that you're not alone in your corrupted thinking and there is a way out as is shown by so many before you, who shared the same warped thought process, and are now thinking very similar recovery thoughts.

Anontyva,
Have a fabulous day 2 !
Alex

Thanx Alex. Today is hard so far... My thoughts are on one thing and one thing only. Thank G-d, I made a meeting today and haven't succumbed. Its hard for to concentrate at work. I keep reading posts just to get myself thinking healthy. My goal is to make it just 45 more minutes as I have a work meeting out of my office. After that, who knows... I'll have Hashem worry it about that then.

keep the good going.

we are behind you.

Keep us posted.