hi everyone,
here's how i got here:
i'm a baal teshuvah of about 2 yrs, and finishing my last semester of college (undergrad). i've dealt with this problem for a long time, but i've never talked to anyone about it.  this past holiday, while blackout drunk, i finally told my rabbi about how difficult it has been to control myself.  the next morning, after he retold me what i told him, he suggested i check out this website. 

morbid embarrassment aside, i've read through a lot of the material here, and in general it's pretty positive, but i'm still having some problems with this site:
being a college student, and having grown up in a secular environment, in many ways i feel even more abnormal and weird for coming here than i would looking at something inappropriate. this site makes me feel like some kind of disgusting pervert, when i know that i'm just a normal guy with normal feelings.  the only reason i'm here is because i trust that Hashem knows what's best for me, and that when He says something is an avera, it's an avera.

anyone got any suggestions on readings that might help me think about this? 
thanks, i'll be back.
yoni

Hi Yoni,
I am neither disgusting nor a pervert. I have met many people from GYE and SA and none of them are disgusting although one or two were perverts. A pervert who is seeking cleanliness and sobriety is a truly wonderful person; as is anyone who comes to find cleanliness and sobriety, like me and you.
The forum is a good source of readings but the GYE Handbook and the Attitude Book are unbeatable. This is what the Guard says:
guardureyes wrote on 03 Feb 2010 19:08:

hi yoni!
just another normal person (Like BB) with the same urges and desires that you have.
But without the help of the "disgusting perverts" that are here I would still be wallowing in the muck of the Yetzer Hara's pit.
As you said HKBH sent you here, make the most of it!

Gesher is one of the normal GYE people that I was privileged to meet. I still maintain that the perverts on GYE are not disgusting. As my psychiatrist said, "Oedipus shmeedipus, as long as he loves his mother."

Welcome Yoni,
When I first came here, I read a while. Then I went to the SA website to check the criteria for a Lust Addict.  The diagnosis was pretty easy for me.  Then I felt like I was in the right place here.

Perhaps your Y"H is uncomfortable with your being here?

BB I didnt mean to imply that I disagreed with you.
I have more respect for the people that would be characterized as disguting perverts than i have for myself, i was just using yoni's lingo. no offense intended.
PS the pleasure was all mine

yoni wrote on 22 Oct 2011 16:10:

Hi and WELCOME! I'm not sure what would make you feel that way.  I have only found non-judgemental acceptance, and a warm sense of community here.  I hope you will feel the same.

Hi Yoni,

I don't know exactly what your issues are, but I can tell you that there are those of us here who have done or wanted to do much more disgusting and perverted things than you can imagine. But that's not who we are, or we wouldn't be here. We are all just yidden with a yetzer Hora that's out of control, and we deperately want to better ourselves.

Hi Yoni,

I'd like to introduce myself. I'm 1daat the pervert.  Have been, am, will probably always be unless "H has other plans I haven't been told about.  I've been clean for a little over a year, and yesterday I almost went straight down the toilet.  I got on line here to GYE, fast.  Then I went and talked with Hashem for a good while.  He showed me how far I had drifted from Him, even while having cranked up my leyining, etc since Yom Tov.  He showed me my own arrogance again, that I had just lazily slipped into without even realizing it.  By talking with Him He let me reconnect in that intimate way we all crave, and thereby I could feel the difference between the state I'd been living in, and the feeling of being close to Him.

For me it can start subtly.  Like maybe lingering on something I will feel better about if I had just looked away.  The extra piece of cake. The little anger outburst, impatience.  And before long I'm thinking about major perverted stuff.

So, as one of the GYE perverts, I welcome you, and trust that you will find exactly and precisely what you need to find here.  I think you'll find that we are all concerned and supportive of your success.

Hatzlocho, bro

youre right yoni
It was a bit shocking for me in the beggining as well.
I thought Im not that bad am I?
but you know thats also what really helped me improve was the realization that i wasnt much different, and i've been fooling myself for too long.
and if i didnt do something about it now, I might get to the point where I wouldnt want to be.

Dear Yoni,
welcome.
I'm not offended one bit.
I am, like some of the brothers wrote, a pervert.  I'm probably in the GYE hall of fame, if there was one.  But I've gotten support here and learned attitudes and techniques not to 'act out', which is a nice little phrase.  More importantly, for me it's about thoughts, where it all starts, and for the most part, where
the main problem always was.  Being able to give up 'lusting' in my mind.  That is a key I got here.  I hope you get it, too.
BlackBigday

Hi Yoni -

Thanks for coming. I am not sure what you mean you feel like a pervert? Is it that people talk so openly about their problems with lust that makes you uncomfortable? Is it that everyone here has lust issues and you are not comfortable being around them?

Hate to tell you but being in college you are surrounded by a highly perverted group of people that put GYE to shame.

Welcome to GYE. It was great for me. It will be great for you.

ninety

Hi Yoni

Welcome to our community here, I know that you have come to the right place to get all the help that you need, whether that be to help curb a "slight" problem of not being able to fully and permanently cease masturbation, or whether anything worse, whatever that may be, and whoever that may be for. The bottom line is, we are all united here in admitting that we need help in this area, and that we have all (some of us, me for instance - finally!) realized that we simply cannot do this on our own, and why should we if we can get the help that we need right here? No one is here to judge you. Just as there are others who aren't on this website, and don't need to be, there are yet others that are not on this site and perhaps would benefit greatly from it.

We are all here because of a range of variables and challenges, and it all comes down to an issue of lust. On the one hand we want to control our desires and on the other we see that we can't. I hope that I haven't been too bold in trying to sum up everyone's issues in that one sentence, but I wanted to show you what we often mean by, when we say that word. In the secular world right now, lust has taken on a higher level. Grammatically perhaps, it would be incorrect to refer to giving a woman a once over look as "lusting" after her, since nowadays I can't imagine anyone using that term (lusting) to refer to such an "innocent" act. They would rationalize; "she dresses that way by choice, she clearly has no problem in having people look at her that way, and she probably enjoys the attention, so get of my case already!"

But as throughout history, the Jews have been trying to keep to a different level to that. How do you think that many cultures would choose a wife 3000 years ago? Well if she was designated as a lower class "slave", unconnected to any form of authorities or royalty, he would just drag her by her hair back to his cave, and that would be that. Along came Hashem and the Jews, and we said, no way! There must first be Kidushin, Eirusin! Nothing may be done against her will. She accepts the kidushin, and even then the husband has certain duties. So clearly we have always thought along different lines to the goyim in this area, so it is understandable that even today, in 2011, Jews think that giving a woman that "once over" is unacceptable, while many others would think nothing of it.

So that is a possible explanation for all your feelings of being initially uncomfortable with GYE's terminology, and the atmosphere that it creates. I would suspect that you would run into similar astonishment if you tried to explain to a secular person that if 2 persons warned beforehand, then witnessed and finally testified that someone lit a tiny cigarette on shabbos he would get skila. Kill him over such a thing?!

But again its all about perspective, so I hope that the above has made you more at ease with all the seemingly dramatic way we all approach these issues, and I am sure that you are also serious about changing, since you told your rabbi, drunk or not, and you came here, and are still sticking around. I hope that you find all the help that you need. I have found that sharing as much of my story, my background, and daily temptations as I could, even thought it initially left awkward in writing about it to other people, has helped me tremendously.

As far as the title of "addict" there has indeed been some difference of opinion around here as to who it applies to, www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=4308.0">see here(its quite a lengthy discussion over there, so you may find it helpful to just search for the text addict on that page to see the point that I am referring to) www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=4347.0">and here(that is also quite big, so same deal, "'ctrl' + 'F' and type in addict for the exact part if you don't have the time to read the whole posting) to see a discussion about it if you want.

As far as the rest of the world thinking that you are not normal... welcome to the club,  ;D ;D ;D

NebulaMud