You're a senior member and you only have 391. I don't like to share things, I like to remain annonymous and confidental.

wishing for the real me wrote on 24 Oct 2011 19:49:

Don't do what you "like". Do what is good for you.  Doing what you "like" is what got you into this mess .

You can stay anonymous, just don't give away any details that indicate your name, where you live etc.

I think the levels go something like this:
<50 - Newbie
50-100 - Jr. Member
100-250 - Full member
250-500 - Sr. member
500+ - hero member
The number of yellow boxes next to your name has to do with that also.

cool, I wonder what the boxes stand for. Whats your story? Where is your thread?

wishing for the real me wrote on 24 Oct 2011 19:16:


Gevura answered your first question.
You can find my thread here:
www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=3744.0
(it was hijacked big time, so now I'm a threadless guy who hangs around wherever they let me in).

Member status can be deceiving.  You can have a guy with hero status because he made 500 posts, but sometimes it says little about where he's holding in his own recovery and ability to guide.  Or a newbie that's a virtual recovery guru.

Don't want to share any of your struggles?  I completely understand.  You can still get better.  Post chizuk on other people's threads.  Read through and start working the 12 steps.  Take a step.  Put one foot in front of the other.  Do something new to recover.  Cry out to Hashem to help you.  Add your own tefilla to every shmona esrei (if you daven regularly). In the end, only He can help you.  But He can.  Really.

My whole story is here: http://www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=4125.0
It's a pretty long read, I really "puked out" 30 years worth of "deep dark", but hitting the "post" button after writing that all out was one of the best moments of my life, I felt like a huge weight fell off my back.

Why don't you start a new thread? I'll read both your threads.

Gevura ShebYesod wrote on 24 Oct 2011 19:58:

when do i finally get to put my avatar up?

whenever you want.

Who wants to hear my story?

We are all ready to listen, if you are willing to tell it. The more we know, the better we can advise and help you.

I read your story and so related. No friends, was abused physically, emotionally, and sexualy by my classmates. Much younger then you. Attraction to both sexes. No one to talk to. Rather have who to talk to, but they don't help, so what is the point? If you know of a doer let me know. Someone that doesn't just listen, but actually does. I have turned into an abuser, scared of who I have become. Seeking a change.

@me -

yup - i understand. its a scary place to be when realizes they have changed and become the abuser.

i often wondered where they fairness is...one who abuses can find sanity through various groups including 12-steps, etc. but what about the abusee - where is the fairness, what do they gain... how do they move forward.

here is what I came up with.. (under the influence of LSD - LOTS of SIYATA D'SHAYMA)

as an abuser, we've crossed over a line. perhaps one can argue what ever was supposed to happen was going to happen anyway...may true.. BUT we DID NOT have to be the shlaliach to make it happen as the abuser. This is something we need to live with our whole life. It eats away at us, and destroys us - best we can do is to stop the destructive thought process, work on ourself, strive for a life closer to Hashem, and a life of sobriety.

the abusee on the other hand also suffered a trauma - BUT has been given the Divine ability to FORGIVE!! and thus rise up to an even higher level.

If we have been an abusee as well as abuser - we also have the ability to FORGIVE! and to ask for forgiveness when doing so will not hurt or harm another

dov.ii

Whatever. Did you get my email?

wishing: did you read the handbooks?