Hi,

I feel like I'm fooling myself if I think abstabstinence will get me married or a job, yet this is the lie I keep telling myself and it is working. Should I keep on doing this or maybe i can promise myself olam haba which is greater than any worldly pleasure? If i tell myself life on this world is fleeting and its pleasures are fleeting maybe that can help. I also tell myself I'll learn Torah better and enjoy it more, and ill enjoy davening more. The last two issues are the only ones that seem concrete.

And the feeling of satisfaction of knowing I'm in control, and missing that guilt, although I should recognize my victories come from Hashem. I couldn't do it on my own.

I can also have the feeling of gratitude that Hashem gave me the gift of control.

I can relate to the struggle, it’s definitely hard to stay motivated. 

i strongly advise against telling yourself that if you stay clean for x number of days, good stuff will happen to you. Reason being, when you reach said clean days, you’ll be angry at God that your wishes didn’t come true. Unfortunately, religion isn’t a gumball machine, much as I wish it was. Speaking from experience.

so what should you use to motivate you? I don’t know , and I suspect that only you can really answer that question. Maybe try taling a deep look inside at your core values and see what will help you become the best version of yourself. I suspect that porn is not conducive to that ends 

TThere's always connection to Hashem which comes through following the Torah, and eventually the intense connection we will have in the next world. Every mitzvah intensifies that connection, every aveira weakens that connection. The neshama feels pain when it is disconnected. Since spirituality is filtered through physicality in this world, we don't feel that intense connection. It's just hard to imagine that connection when we are so engrossed in the physical world, which is why a motivation attached to the physical world is way more motivating. Like that small breath of gratitude to Hashem(for helping us win), and the absence of guilt that we are able to feel in this world. It is a small breath of the spirituality we will feel in the next world.

This body is like a coat, when we take it off(die), it uncovers the fire of spirituality within. The fire burns much brighter with more pleasure/pain when we die. The neshama naturally yearns to connect to Hashem. Perhaps We want to connect to other people because they are made from the breath of G-d. When we let others down, we feel disconnected and feel pain, in the same way disconnection from G-d works.

When we do good we feel worthy of connection, both to ourselves, others, and G-d.

Life, religion, it is a gumball machine. Little gumballs with the fire of coconnection.

We are spiritually wired to connect.

I did the Reasons for Change and the Core Values exercises in the toolbox for motivation and they were very powerful. Write a lot about how this would impact your day-to-day life and not just about how it affects you spiritually. The former is very powerful because even the Yetzer Hora will agree to it.

There's a beautiful pleasure of not being bogged down by terrible thoughts all the time. By terrible thoughts I mean all the above, fantasy, feeling like we're frauds,....

The basic "pleasure" of porn and masturbation is actually harming us on a mental level. We drown out certain emotions without actually dealing with them. This causes a few problems but the main 2 are that our emotions were never dealt with, so they are still there and on top of that there is the feelings from after a fall which we are all accustomed to unfortunately. Also since we just try to drown out our emotions we never developed the real healthy tools to cope when things get tuff.

Theres more benafit to stopping than just spiritual.
One of my main motivators is that I am staying clean for my future wife and family. How can we go into a marriage when we are unfaithful and not dedicated to her souly, which is what she deserves because she is giving us her upmost trust, and if we do this it is a complete lack of trust and corrupts what marriage is.

Very important question to ask is, what is sexuality in a jewosh perspective?
the answer is that it is the holliest thing of a person.
I please ask you if you havent already to start changing your view about women, marriage, and sex.
Reach out to HHM but if you ddon't feel comfortable doing that yet, asl on the forums or even use the chat feature for some more privacy.

Here's a long post i made about these subjets recently:
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/412126-Jewizard21s-Journey?limit=15&start=135#434605

Doing this may not give you instant results with marriage and a job, but I gaurentee that when those things do come they will be way more meaningful and fulfilling.

Keep on Trucking, One Day At A Time!!