Hi to all. im in this trugel for more then 10 years. i am a chassidish guy married with kids but only hasham knows what is realy going on with me, its never been that i should be clean more then 2 days in a row, i am a addict, i cant help myself, thank god i found this website not to long ago, so i have a platform where i can let myself out !!!

i dont know what to do about my self, its day in and day out, im a broken person, its sooooo hard for me, here i davan i eat kosher i keep shabbos etc.... and from the other hand i am transgrasing the greatest sins from all, i said hundres of times im stoping with this junk enough is enough, but the next day back in the hole agin.

hasahm should help me.

pls is their a guy who can relate to me and pls give me some ideas to get of this deep deep dark pit.
im sitting in a kosher kiosk but hooked up to a chat where we share frum hot stuff non frum non jewish hot stuff, it cost me already hunders of dollers sitting in the kiosk, then somone in my shul i saw touching him self and i got turnd on and it let to playing with him OMGim crying when im writing this, that puled me down again, im new to this whole website first i wanna let out a bit of my chest my story is much much longer and complexed this is just a part of my status.

Welcome dear new brother R` Shulem to the greatest community in the world;

This is a community / family of hope, warmth, and real change, here you'll find real hope and you'll iy"h be able to get back in control of yourself, please stay here with us feel the warmth keep on posting and you'll get out of this garbage pretty soon.

I also hated myself, and really didn't believe there's a way out, but little did I know, how fast it is achievable, there's the f2f program, the vaad {PY links please} and mostly, there's the accountability program, that's not just about accountability, but about making some really close friends who will hold your hand and walk you through the process, who will give you an open ear to vent to about anything and everything, and you'll feel their warmth and love.

Start off with the mentor in chief, HHM at michelgelner@gmail.com, or EERIE at 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com, MUTTEL at muttel15@gmail.com, PY at proudyungerman@gmail.com, I'm also available, my contact info are below in my signature.

Do yourself a favor reach out to the guys it's proven itself over and over again to be life changing.

Rooting for you, KOMT!!!
With love; Akiva

Reach out to people, [especially the mentors]
I'm here for you if you ever want to chat, my contact info is in my signature.
Davening for you

the truth is i dont know what to do first im so lost and broken

Yes I know the feeling, like the worst aveiros that you dont think anyone can understand. The truth is many people do understand, and they're willing to help you. reach out to some of the mentors here they'll help you. You wont believe what will happen to you when you talk to someone.
Btw its amazing that you started posting your story right away, it must feel good to get it off your chest.

shulem25 wrote on 06 Feb 2025 20:41:

Welcome Shulem,

Of course people here can relate to the hell you are describing. That's what this site is all about!

We relate to being stuck in all the "hot stuff", it feels so sweet and delicious, we lose our minds over how wonderful it seems...but in reality, it is just as you described it...a hell!

A hell that burns.

A hell that makes you miserable and depressed.

A hell that destroys your life, piece by piece, until you are nothing but a hollow shell of what you are meant to be. 

Take a deep breath and relax, because you are on your way to getting out of that hell. Look around, read and learn. And find a guy who talks your shprach, it seems like talking to somebody (you do not have to share your real name) would do you a world of good. 

Hatzlacha! 

R' Shulem

It's a big step to post be proud of yourself for taking that big first step.

You are in the right place, reach out to people and you'll learn how to free yourself of this problem.

Shulem, Shulem!

Welcome to the warmest family. Here you will find compassion, warmth, understanding, and best of all, friends that will care about you and hold your hand when you falter.

I can only echo what the other guys have wrote before me. Please do yourself a favour, and read through the forums. Read the stories of people that were in the exact same place as you are now, they also tried hundreds/thousands of times, said never again, only to fall back in to the hell hole again and again. They also thought that they would never be able to break free, yet there are so many that did just that. Take your time reading, find someone who's story or outlook resonates with you, and do yourself a  favor and reach out to them. Yes, there is a huge benefit in reading the forums, you will learn new techniques, how to fight this battle smarter and more effectively, not necessarily harder. Many of the guys posting here have a lot of good things to say, there's lots of wisdom to be found here. But unquestionably, the main benefit you will find here is the personal connection you can make. The forums are a fantastic springboard, to get to know guys at  your own pace, first by observing who you think would be a good person to connect with, then without divulging anything before you are ready you can reach out either through PM, or email.

Often people find that a good first step is reaching out to HHM. He will likely guide you and give you the initial push it takes to schlepp you out of the muck. But there are so many people that are great to have as regular friends. I would say that almost all of the success stories I have seen, have utilized this most powerful tool of friendship to pull them out. The main tactic of the YH, is to give you a feeling of being isolated. You think that you're the only one that struggles with these Nisyonos. Friends are here to dispel that feeling of loneliness like nothing else can. We'll be waiting for you when you're ready. Hatzlacha on your journey!

thanks for being so warm to me and you realy said evrything, its a one big fat lie this whole thing, i have another part to it, besides watching, i masturbat while watching, so im doing this for over 10 years its crazy crazy, i feel like the world and the whole communiti is 1 big lie, i see rebbis here on gye sharing their storeis, well as long im not alone, oh hasham shoild help me, i hit already rock boddem

Hi! My dear friend, just because 'the community' doesn't share their struggle openly, and they shouldn't, that doesn't make them a lie. When you learn Torah, when you are makpid on Halacha and minhag, that's not a lie. That's real. And you also struggle with porn and masturbation. Ok! So, that makes the rest of your life a lie????? There's a YH within you, you have to learn how to control it, yes. But the struggle does not define you any more than the beautiful things you do
My friend, take it slow, there's lots to learn. If you want to talk, please feel free to reach out to the email in my signature

rebakiva wrote on 06 Feb 2025 20:58:

Here they are, with some additions...
Welcome to the warmest family in the world!

Here you will find true care, concern, and warmth.
Here you will learn that you CAN break free!
There are many tools here to help you in this fight.
There is the F2F Program, the Vaad Program (click here for an explanation of what the vaad is), and the book The Battle of the Generation - many have found this very helpful in reframin' the struggle.
The Vaad can be a great way of connectin' with other guys.


As has been mentioned, there is also an extremely powerful tool of accountability, friends, and mentors, that has helped hundreds - myself included.
HHM - Hashem Help Me - is the mentor-in-chief around here. He's reachable at michelgelner@gmail.com.
Some of the other great guys here are Eerie - 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com, Muttel - muttel15@gmail.com,   Reb Akiva - mevakesh247@gmail.com iwantlife - iwantlifegye@proton.me minhamayim - minhamayim1@gmail.com

Keep postin', you'll see, the oilam is here for you.

Lookin' forward to seeing great things from you!
And don't forget, as always, KOMT!!

R yid !!!shulem ubracha welcome to mishpachas gye    the varmest mishpacha in klal yisroel !!!     There's not much to add what the choshiveh oilom already told you (basically to reach out to chevra, specifically the greats)  but I would just add that you should try to find someone that s also chassidesh to talk to and read through their threads as you'll probably relate to them the best and they'll understand you much better. But again it's not necessary any one here really could relate to u as its all the same shmutz ...         You'll be shocked how quickly these connections help  (i reached out right before Chanukah for the first time in my life and im allready 36 days clean ).            Hatslcha my friend keep us posted  

Rabbi Shulem,

Welcome to our family! We are a hidden society of more than 36 Tzadikim living in plain sight yet nobody knows about us...............

What you are describing is what all of us felt at one point before we embarked on this journey. We are all Frum yiden, some of us are in chinuch or learning in Kolel for years, and we felt like phonies pretending to be holy and yet doing the "worst sins" possible! Welcome home. 
The first thing to know if that you are not alone, nor are you a phony. A phony would be someone who does these things with impunity and hase no issue all the while pretending to be a tzaddik to the ourside world. 
But, us, who stuggle like HECK and wold give up a lot of life pleasure if we can get rid of this! We are not phonies, we are the most real hileige yiden out there. 

The saying" במקום שבעלי תשובה עומדים אין צדיקים גמורים יסולין לעמוד'' is not some emplty chizuk given my a motivational speaker, its CHAZAL! The same torah that tells us everything else tells us how holy and chusiv is a Yid who struggles and doesnt give up and eventually wisn this battle. The holiness is immeasurable!! 

So get your gear together, we are going to WAR!!!!! It wont be a quick war, it wont be easy, you will have falls and lose some battles, but if you dont give up YOU WILL WIN! I promise you that!

Love 
ChancyHK

I wanted to share a bit about my progress and challenges as I try to get clean from watching inappropriate videos.
It's been 5 days since I last watched any of this content, and I'm feeling good about that part of my journey. However, I'm still facing some struggles, particularly when it comes to how I react when i see women on the street.

Even though I’ve made progress in stopping the videos, I find myself still looking at women in ways I know aren't healthy. It's frustrating because, despite the time I've been clean, this habit still comes up when I'm outside or even when I'm alone with my thoughts.

I’m really committed to overcoming this and would appreciate any advice or strategies you might have for dealing with these kinds of impulses. I want to be better about how I view women and not let my old patterns dictate my behavior.

shulem25 wrote on 11 Feb 2025 16:44:

Shalom Brother,

I understand that it can be frustrating, but you are making progress and it may take time to see the change you want in many areas. Keep your chin up (or perhaps down, if you are walking outside) and let's work one day at a time. Celebrating your victories may help you build a positive association with not looking.

If you want to drop one of the shared mentors a line, they may have some personal advice for you on de-objectifying women. Connecting with a mentor will be a major benefit in general, and I highly recommend it if/when you feel comfortable doing so.

Here is a link to UpAndDown's Shemiras Einayim thread if you are looking for some practical ideas and tips.
Forum

For unwanted thoughts, it may help to have pre-prepared other interesting topics to think about. Trying to stop having a thought can be difficult. Replacing those thoughts with something else is a recommended way to push them out, since a person cannot think about two things simultaneously. 

Continued Hatzlacha