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How do you put this behind you once and for all?
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.
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TOPIC: How do you put this behind you once and for all? 573 Views

Re: How do you put this behind you once and for all? 21 May 2024 18:06 #413807

  • jackthejew
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vehkam wrote on 19 May 2024 20:29:

siyatta wrote on 19 May 2024 15:08:
I'm going to add one more point to the motivation piece. This is based on what I read in TBOTG.

Successful motivation to change involves not just the feeling that "I need to change" but also the motivation that "I want to change". (Perhaps R' Chaimoigen was saying this in point #2)

Feelings that can spark such a change include a surge of strong positive motivation and healthy ambition, or the guilt and clarity obtained from hitting rock bottom. The most effective transformations combine both — the person is shaken up but is also excited to do something about it and become great. (pg 103-104)

This seemingly is similar to the concept of ahava and yirah, we need the combination of both, avodas Hashem can't be only based on yirah.

Personally, to me it's seems that cleaning up this avera is more than just an isolated area of avodas Hashem but rather an all encompassing tikun that affects my whole shleimus. I feel like it involves my overall tafkid in this world and if I can't overcome it, then in a way I've failed my purpose in this world and if I've succeeded than I've achieved my purpose. 

Maybe I'm giving it more weight than it deserves, but it does seem like truly defeating this yetzer hara involves getting close to Hashem in a real way (12 steps 101), overcoming a number of difficult midos challenges and going against my nature.

If I can just suggest a tweak…it’s not all or nothing.  The goal is to do what you can to overcome.  If you try to overcome then you have not failed your tafkid.  Regardless of the perceived outcome.   

I read the post as more of understanding that change needs to be a whole-life thing rather than just fighting the Shmiras Einayim battle. I agree very much with this.
Off the forum for now.
My Thread (Not for inspiration, but for random bits and pieces of my journey, as well as the inspiring responses of others: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/375514-Enough-is-Enough
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You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.- Abraham Lincoln
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Re: How do you put this behind you once and for all? 30 May 2024 13:48 #414382

  • chosemyshem
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And so but maybe the only difference between those who stay clean from GYE'ing and those who don't, is simply that those who don't have a worse sickness...


[And okay, I'm incapable of keeping things short and sweet so I'll elaborate. I think the answer to this original question is impossible to know and we're all just speculating. But. I think every tool, attitude, change, whatever listed above has been tried by successful people and unsuccessful people.

And so then we have to think that the only difference is in the level of problem the person is suffering with.

And I know the line between an addict and not is not always clear. But it's undoubtable that GYE is not the most powerful tool out there and if you have two people trying to dry up a puddle with a towel, and only one of them succeeds, perhaps it's time for the other person to start wondering if what he thinks is a puddle is really a swimming pool or even the whole freaking ocean and that's why he's not succeeding. 
And I think it's confusing because there are people who post about serious addiction-level behaviors who became clean through GYE'ing. So we come to think GYE should be enough. But 1) those people may have also done things like copious therapy. The 12 steps are by no means the sole cure for addiction and GYE+therapy+serious lifestyle changes sounds like a pretty serious attempt at treating an addiction. 2) Just because ploni did xyz and got clean without doing more than GYE, doesn't mean that a person doing "just" x doesn't have a deeper problem than ploni did.]
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