I have been in shidduchim for the past few months and the last month or two have been frustrating/stressful. Besides getting no’s but the whole process and just awaiting to find the right zivug is causes stress and frustration. I happen to fall a few times recently just because I was stressed and going to sleep late. I do need a new filter on my phone because apple restrictions isn’t enough. But I don’t want this to be a routine and something that I turn to relive stress. I know that the shidduchim process is all up to hashem and with hishtadlus, Bitachon and Tefillah my zivug will come. My problem is that I’m in a “waiting room” and not growing in my own life. And I realize that’s the only way to move forward and not  to be stuck and wait, there is a lot to learn and it doesn’t all start when you get married. 

I just need some Chizuk that despite that I have fallen that I can get back up and it’s not who I am and that iyh my zivug will come soon. 

Don’t get down about your actions. I’ve done it all! Shidduchim is very stressful. Your self esteem takes many hits. But it is a period of growth. The pain hurts, there’s no denying. The feeling of putting in lots of effort, actually liking a girl, just to get rejected ( even after one date) is hard. You start to doubt yourself. Did I say something? Do I come off weird? Am I not  put together enough? You’re not alone on this. I’ve been through it all. Looking back, the journey was an amazing one. The pain was a great learning experience. Rejection is part of life. 

I remember I heard from Rabbi Yom Tov Glaser, that it helps to daven for your future wife, wherever she is, whoever she is. This actually helped me alot. I felt like I was closer to meeting her because I was davening for her well being.

Another thing I’ve learned on my Shidduchim journey, in certain yeshivas the guys are hyper focused on dating and getting married. If it takes a year they’re already depressed. Obviously it needs to be a focus, but don’t forget about yourself. Live life, broaden your horizons, make new friends ( helps a lot when your current friends get married) workout, unfortunately yeshiva now is made into a train stop. You can always find a smaller yeshiva do learn at. No need to follow the crowd.

 Hatzlacha Rabba. You’re not alone. 

Hi and welcome!

Shidduchim can be really stressful, I hope you get through this tekufa soon.

Some people say "You are what you place value in" (someone famous) so, as far as who you really are, think about what you really want in life and you can try to identify yourself by that. Don't identify yourself by your struggles, try to focus on the things that you do right.

I relate to the "waiting room" thing, it helps to make some sort of goals in whatever it is that you are spending your days doing.

Another thing that helped me get through shidduchim was talking things over with my Rebbe, if you have someone to speak things over with you can give it a shot.

Hatzlacha

Edit: I just saw todays Boost, check it out gyeboost.org/archives/997

Hey, Anyone have words of encouragement, I keep trying to go at least 1 week w/o masturbation but unfortunately it’s very hard, sometimes I can keep it at 1 time and sometimes as much as 4 per week. It’s really not pleasant and I really want to stop but I’m having trouble, Any words/tips would be greatly appreciated. 

What methods have you tried so far?

Abcd123 wrote on 10 Apr 2022 21:16:

Check out the links in my sig Below. They can be very helpful. 

Abcd123 wrote on 10 Apr 2022 21:16:

heard my name ......   you asked for words, so i will write several - counting is good, but can you improve on your methods of stopping (disclaimer - i sometimes can't)

YouTube is a big one even with a filter it’s a big trigger. I’ve tried going off for a whole month and then a week but there’s still other things that can trigger, if one’s looking for triggers he’ll always find.