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checking in :(
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.
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TOPIC: checking in :( 504 Views

checking in :( 13 Apr 2021 14:10 #366768

  • tg
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ALSO POSTED ON BALEI BATTIM FORUM



Hi,

​wanted to check in for accountability.....

For those of you that know me, I am married with three kids, struggling with P and M for years since teenager, had good streaks before this year. Unfortunately fell this year on Seven "Fall Days" where succumbed to P and m (once or twice on the fall day), the most recent being twice in late march and once last night.

​I wanted to post for accountability. Don't know underlying reasons, wife thank gd great and its not related to her persay, as in this aspect as well, and thank gd she's wonderful and beautiful in all aspects.

​I do happen to do everything around the house and for the kids, and during sefirah can't play my guitar which helps alot as an outlet....

​thank gd better then I used to be back in the day when it was daily with videos, not its much less frequent and usually pictures but still....

once shared that had bad dream recently she told me if it want me ill divorce u, once shred a pic  saw, she wouldn't come near me for two weeks, once explained chimeras eniyanim issues, she packed a bag to leave and I feigned chest trouble (im ashamed to admit) and she stayed, she thinks problem was until college but really has stayed with me until now, unfrotunalyet no support from her she has zero tolerance, would never stay even though I try to literally do everything possible in life in house for kids etc. hence GYE and email contact best.
​
wanted to share and feel free to reach out 

Thanks and thanks for listening/reading

TG 

Re: checking in :( 13 Apr 2021 23:57 #366792

  • Cesare
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I am no posek but even if it should not be done, it is probably preferable to play the guitar on the omer than watch filth. So if you really need it so badly I am sure you can find a heter.

Re: checking in :( 14 Apr 2021 02:54 #366798

Again not a posek but not sure its a problem as long as u don't dance with it and preferably play more slower songs that wouldn't lead to dancing 
Think about how good you'll feel if you say no to desire and compare that to how bad you'll feel if you say yes.

Desire is unique in the way that it is never fulfilled -  if you give in the desire comes back even more powerful in just a few days. Telling yourself that its ok because this is really the last time doesn't work because you are just adding new images to your head that will cause future falls.

The Joy of triumph over the yetzer hara is worth the effort it takes to win. It IS worth it! Keep fighting!

My thread: 
Aiming to be better

Feel free to contact me at evedhashem1836@gmail.com

Re: checking in :( 14 Apr 2021 03:09 #366801

  • Markz
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EvedHashem1836 wrote on 14 Apr 2021 02:54:
Again not a posek but not sure its a problem as long as u don't dance with it and preferably play more slower songs that wouldn't lead to dancing 

If you put the guitar slightly off tune, that should definitely do the trick. Ask Gevura to help you. 
He’s always the first to ‘pitch’ in
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Last Edit: 14 Apr 2021 03:23 by Markz.

Re: checking in :( 16 Apr 2021 22:17 #366956

Ba dam tss
Think about how good you'll feel if you say no to desire and compare that to how bad you'll feel if you say yes.

Desire is unique in the way that it is never fulfilled -  if you give in the desire comes back even more powerful in just a few days. Telling yourself that its ok because this is really the last time doesn't work because you are just adding new images to your head that will cause future falls.

The Joy of triumph over the yetzer hara is worth the effort it takes to win. It IS worth it! Keep fighting!

My thread: 
Aiming to be better

Feel free to contact me at evedhashem1836@gmail.com

Re: checking in again :( 29 Apr 2021 05:09 #367636

  • tg
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Hi,You must think I’m such a loser to check on again for accountability for my ninth lost day since September, most recently tonight to both...only got 6 days this week and just so close to end of niddah time (lost two days of niddah this time)... but I feel it’s helpful to share for keeping track and accountability please don’t hate me or be disgusted grossed out

Re: checking in again :( 29 Apr 2021 05:18 #367639

  • zedj
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I'm sure your giving lots on here chizuk by coming on here and holding yourself accountable no matter what your going through.

Wishing you much hatzlocha!

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free
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