excellence wrote on 16 Mar 2023 20:40:

Amazing! Your persistence and courage is really incredible and inspiring! Keep it up, and keep on posting!

Hello, excellence. I have just recently joined GYE and I have been reading through a lot of the different threads on the forum. I just  discovered yours and I was really moved by it.  I read your whole story and I can really relate to a lot of it. I just wanted to say thank you for sharing it as it gave me a huge amount of chizuk. I am so nispoel at how you never give up, even after falling. And now, 180 days! Wow! I hope to one day be able to post that on my thread. I wish you all the best and keep posting!

Just want to log a thought that's been nagging at me, really meant for BB forum but my thread is here. My wife mentioned to me that she visited a friend and was browsing at her friends photos, and saw that her friend (who i see often) had pics of herself at the beach in minimum underwear only (trying not to be graphic). for some reason it made soooooo jealous. 
I believe it's a nagging thought that will pass. I don't believe in coercing my wife to do anything that she is uncomfortable with. To be honest I have nothing to be jealous of, because I BH have a wife who is ever so talented, she is forthcoming too as a loving and connecting wife, and helping me with my needs, and I certainly would never want to swop her for that woman. I think what's really bothering me most is that I am feeling bothered...... can't work out y that one comment got right into me....
never mind let's move on, it will pass... 

Wed, Day 200 = CleanWhat Hashgacha pratis to reach 200 on Erev pesach...

I feel humbled and ever so gratefull.....

Thanks to everyone here...

Wishing you all a fabulous and uplifting Yom Tov.

love excellence

Hi all,

Just over a week ago I had a very near fall.... Was having it difficult for a couple days... then found myself in Mikva alone, and for various reasons its a location where I have fallen back in the day numerous times.... I caught myself at the last minute cos thanks to HHM there were certain boundaries he had set me that I couldn't allow myself to cross, which ultimately saved me. I was rather shaken. It was a wake up call. Now that it's been a week and I'm back to myself I'm more comfortable posting about it. 

Thanks to you all.
Excellence

btw check this out: plus.guardyoureyes.com/

Wow, that's absolutely amazing!

You are a true gibbor! Thanks for sharing

Dear my very close friends,

Firstly, Love to you all. You are my support, strength and guidance in this turbulent world.

Today is another milestone for me.

250 Days clean

I'm not sure y but I feel like this is a special number and Hashgacha Pratis for Erev Shavuot.

I pray and care for everyone one of you here, I have grown so much from all of you, especially those who have guided me outside this forum. You all know who you are!

It is a continuous journey for me, I have grown so much from all my years of ups and downs, and pray hard to continue growing and helping others. I am not immune in any way, and every day I must remember that I am vulnerable.

Wishing u all an enjoyable Yom Tov.

Hi all,

I just want to share something that occurred to me on Shabbos.

I came to the realisation that the very thing that used to cause me tremendous frustration and disappointment, today causes me to be proud.

It used to really bother me that whenever we planned to have relations, I would not feel sexually aroused at the onset of foreplay. I had this mindset that if we are heading towards sex then I should be feeling a sexual rush right through the evening, and it should only get stronger and more erotic until it's over. I even believed that just the thought of sex with my wife should arouse me, and I was frustrated that it didn't. I also did not enjoy spending time together on the evening we planned to have sex, cos playing a game together or going on a walk is not erotic and all I wanted was to get to the bedroom and use my wife to please my desires.

Today my way of thinking has completely changed, I have realised that it's so normal not to be aroused at the onset, in actual fact one should not be aroused then, because sex should not be on your mind at that point at all. I actually stopped enjoying sex when we don't spend much time together beforehand just enjoying each others company. I have learnt that once we have intimately connected by enjoying each others company, then the physical touch is so much more meaningful, because you are focused on how much your wife enhances your life and how much you appreciate her. Even once the physical touch begins I am often not aroused cos It's often not in a sexually arousing manner. Finally this leads to sexual touch, and this is the point in time that I get aroused. At this point it is a healthy arousal, and depending on how long I need before penetration in order to feel sexually gratified, that's how long we will spend. Today in order to feel sexually gratified I do not need a whole evening of erotica, rather I need meaningful connection and then much less time of time of sexual arousal.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to share. 

Dear Excellence Incarnate Shlita,
I read your thoughtful and meaning post this morning, and noticed the depth of character and thought and honesty therein. So I went back and read your thread from the beginning. It is a journey of courage, hopefulness, full of food for thought and special ideas. Thank you!
I have a lot to learn from you.
  
I have so much Hakaras Hatov to the Rebono Shel Olam for this unbelievable GYE community...

300 Days

These days I have the merit of offering up 10s of Korbanos a day, because the moment I leave the 4 Amos of my home, I am plagued in all 4 directions with high level pritzus due to the very hot climate here. It's common ground for women to walk around here with the bare minimum clothes on. So every time I turn my eye away I am offering another Korban to Hashem.

I cannot stress enough the importance of me constantly making sure I'm on guard and not falling into the confidence trap that I won't fall.

A key in me staying clean is being active on GYE and constantly (Daily) staying in touch with those helping me and those I try to help. It's a real shame how Yidden who have been helped via GYE's resources, just move on and leave GYE behind.....

TYH
Love you all.

Wow, absolutely incredible!

Gmar Chasima Tova,

On 2nd Day RH I reached Day 365 (after 10+ yrs of trying), hence the change of my avatar image. I am finding it hard to believe that this is actually real. 5783 was a full year clean BH.

Of course my greatest form of celebration is the inner satisfaction of remaining clean and the feeling of growth and change. Back in the day, every fall would create depressed feelings, a stronger urge to fufill my sexaul fantasies, frustration with my wife and constantly plaugued with sexaul thoughts, and of course hours upon hours of wasting time online searching for any access to porn or anything inappropriate. My wife has witnessed my growth too. She has witnessed a husband who has become much more understanding.I am very grateful to HKBH and to HHM of course, and everyone else.... and at a loss for the right words.....

Good Night

excellence wrote on 18 Sep 2023 00:41:

Whats so amazing about this and other posts on this thread is how you are able to look back at what you were and actively notice the details of your growth. What a koach! I would do well to learn from you!

Gmar Chasima Tova!
What an special way to enter into the new year. Please stick around and keep on inspiring us !