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Had a fall after more than 90 days clean
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Had a fall after more than 90 days clean 1240 Views

Re: Had a fall after more than 90 days clean 17 Nov 2020 05:50 #357470

  • wilnevergiveup
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shmuel83 wrote on 17 Nov 2020 04:40:
Long time, no update!

I made it to 40 days clean again!

However, I noticed my desires starting to return in the last couple of days. I didn't act on them, B"H, but something in a recent GYE email helped me to get past it. As we all know, the eye is stimulated by negative images, but we should remember that positive images are powerful too. I found this to be a useful tool in counteracting the effects of the negative images that we can't avoid in day to day life. These were the positive images mentioned in the email: 

1) When a person looks at the countenance of a tzadik, his soul is illuminated with light and holiness. (Degel Macheneh Ephraim)

2) Beholding the sefer Torah when it is raised before or after kriat Torah and reading a word or two from the scroll imparts a great, holy light within us. (Magen Avraham, Chapter 134)

3) Viewing the "Shin" on either side of the Tephillan Shel Rosh imparts holiness.

4) Looking at water is good for the eyes. (Ibn Ezra)

5) Looking at the heavens imparts Yirat Shemayim. (The Vilna Gaon)

6) When reciting the Kriat Shema in Shacharit it is good to look at the Tziztit and touch them to the eyes when we say, u'reisem o'soh. (Shulchan Oruch 24:4)

7) Whoever brings the Tzitzit to the eyes when saying Parshat Tziztit will never lose his sight. (Be'ar HaTiv)

Might be a good visualization exercise to try the next time you daven.

If we can practice visualizing holy images daily, we might have a better chance the next time we come across a negative image.

Any thoughts?

Sounds fascinating, Whatever image makes an impact on us stays in our memory so I guess the trick is to make sure all these things make a strong impression on us so that they remain in the forefront of our minds.

I never thought of this, I think I am going to try focusing the image of a gadol or a mitzvah in my head when faced with a struggle.

Thanks!
Check out My thread  and The Truth

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(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

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Re: Had a fall after more than 90 days clean 18 Dec 2020 00:45 #359008

  • shmuel83
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Hi everyone,
How is everything going?
I fell a couple of times recently, but I am getting better at picking myself up after a fall, as I've said no to temptation a lot more often than I've fallen (it was no easy task!)
My main challenge at the moment is my environment, rather than viewing schmutz on the internet. I'm fortunately not triggered by what I see when I go out, but it's hard not to avert my gaze sometimes.
Also, one thing I have noticed is that a lot of gentile entertainment might appear harmless to a secular person, but because we have a different neshama, we need to be more careful about the things that we watch.
The other thing that has helped me is reminding myself how valuable our seed is. It is powerful enough to create life. G-d gave us this power, so He intended us to use it wisely.

Re: Had a fall after more than 90 days clean 18 Dec 2020 01:38 #359013

  • OivedElokim
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Good to hear that you are building resilience. It’s one of the most important traits to have when your in this fight...
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
- Arthur Ashe
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: Had a fall after more than 90 days clean 18 Dec 2020 04:21 #359035

  • YeshivaGuy
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shmuel83 wrote on 18 Dec 2020 00:45:

My main challenge at the moment is my environment, rather than viewing schmutz on the internet. I'm fortunately not triggered by what I see when I go out, but it's hard not to avert my gaze sometimes.


Glad you’re doing well! And thanks for coming back!

Im abit confused, so what is it that triggers you?
You said your environment is a trigger but it’s not?

Hatzlocha!

YeshivaGuy

Re: Had a fall after more than 90 days clean 18 Dec 2020 06:16 #359053

  • Ish MiGrodno
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....a lot of gentile entertainment might appear harmless to a secular person, but because we have a different neshama, we need to be more careful....

Emes L'amito! While that metzius can be misunderstood as "the sheltered kid going nuts when he gets exposed" (a talking point for the more liberal folks), your point is spot on! Our neshamos are delicate and therefore, suffer far more from what society believes to be benign.

ה׳ עמך גבור החיל! [שופטים ו׳ יב׳]

 Perhaps you can find chizuk from my thread at guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/356161-Intro 

Feel free to reach out to me at
jackz90dys@gmail.com

Re: Had a fall after more than 90 days clean 22 Dec 2020 12:12 #359401

  • shmuel83
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Sorry, should have clarified what I meant. I'm not triggered most of the time, but because our neshamos can still be affected by the things that we see without us realising it, we still have to be vigilant!

I often think how much of a tzaddik Yosef must have been to resist Potifar's wife for so long. But then I think to myself maybe we aren't giving ourselves enough credit each time we DON'T give in to temptation. Stay strong, brothers!

Re: Had a fall after more than 90 days clean 22 Dec 2020 12:30 #359404

  • Hashem Help Me
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90dys wrote on 18 Dec 2020 06:16:


....a lot of gentile entertainment might appear harmless to a secular person, but because we have a different neshama, we need to be more careful....

Emes L'amito! While that metzius can be misunderstood as "the sheltered kid going nuts when he gets exposed" (a talking point for the more liberal folks), your point is spot on! Our neshamos are delicate and therefore, suffer far more from what society believes to be benign.

A dust particle that falls on any revealed part of our skin is not even noticed. However if it falls into the eye, one can suffer immensely until it is removed. That speck of dust basically paralyzes a person for the duration of the blinking, washing, rubbing, etc until that nuisance is gone. And even then the itch remains for a while. Our spiritual eyes are no less sensitive than our physical eyes. An inappropriate image - and that does mean pornographic, rather any inappropriate image can chas v'shalom wreak havoc on our spiritual balance and paralyze us. And yes chaverim, the world is a dusty place. The least we can do, is follow the directives of chazal - "Ika darka acharina", and avoid unnecessary sights whether online or in real life, by planning in advance where we want to go and how we are getting there. That, and davening each day "V'lo li'yedei nisayon" is what Hashem wants from His tzaddikim in 2020. 
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Had a fall after more than 90 days clean 08 Mar 2021 12:21 #364964

  • shmuel83
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Hi everyone, 
How are you all doing?
I've made it to 80 days (hoping to make it to 90 days for the second time after I slipped up a few months ago). It's been pretty tough with lots of temptations in my environment which I've been trying my best to avoid... feel exhausted to be honest. I live in Australia and we're just coming to the end of our summer so hopefully things will get easier when the weather gets cooler.
But I do feel that this is doing me good, and the hard work I am putting in now will pay dividends down the track.

Re: Had a fall after more than 90 days clean 08 Mar 2021 12:43 #364965

  • Grant400
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shmuel83 wrote on 08 Mar 2021 12:21:
Hi everyone, 
How are you all doing?
I've made it to 80 days (hoping to make it to 90 days for the second time after I slipped up a few months ago). It's been pretty tough with lots of temptations in my environment which I've been trying my best to avoid... feel exhausted to be honest. I live in Australia and we're just coming to the end of our summer so hopefully things will get easier when the weather gets cooler.
But I do feel that this is doing me good, and the hard work I am putting in now will pay dividends down the track.

So I'm thinking about buying a house in Australia, in addition to where I live on the other side of the equator. Here's the catch. I'm gonna switch off and live in whichever place is WINTER. Great for shmiras einayim! Or maybe I should just go live in Eskimo land - or Kiryas Yoel.

All jokes aside, summer is brutal. So kudos to you on your streak! Hang in there!
Last Edit: 08 Mar 2021 12:44 by Grant400.

Re: Had a fall after more than 90 days clean 29 Mar 2021 21:47 #366126

  • Striving Avreich
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Great job!
What has worked for you? Please share your secrets!

Re: Had a fall after more than 90 days clean 07 Apr 2021 03:15 #366448

  • EvedHashem1836
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Reb Shmuel how are you doing?
Think about how good you'll feel if you say no to desire and compare that to how bad you'll feel if you say yes.

Desire is unique in the way that it is never fulfilled -  if you give in the desire comes back even more powerful in just a few days. Telling yourself that its ok because this is really the last time doesn't work because you are just adding new images to your head that will cause future falls.

The Joy of triumph over the yetzer hara is worth the effort it takes to win. It IS worth it! Keep fighting!


My thread: 
Aiming to be better

Re: Had a fall after more than 90 days clean 07 Apr 2021 13:06 #366472

  • shmuel83
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EvedHashem1836 wrote on 07 Apr 2021 03:15:
Reb Shmuel how are you doing?

I am certainly no Reb... I fell a couple of weeks ago before Pesach, but otherwise doing OK. I would say my main test at the moment is my desire to be with an actual girl, as opposed to wanting to look at anything inappropriate, which I don't really have the desire to do. Maybe it's time for me to find a shidduch...

In the meantime, I saw some really good advice in another thread for those who may be in a similar position to myself (in other words, still single) in this post:

guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/366231-Re-I-want-a-girl-so-badly?limit=15&start=15#366427

I'm thinking that I probably just need to spend more time doing things I love, like learning Torah that I enjoy, or connecting with family members, so I won't spend so much time thinking about girls... for instance I used to enjoy reading the Tanya, I might pick it up again...
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