starting wrote on 10 Mar 2021 12:40:
OK I'm back
Still challenging, still struggling, still fighting but now I once again feel like it's not worth falling again.
So hard, sometimes feels like it's not worth fighting and sometimes feels like not worth having another fall under my belt.
Fighting it out is a momentary pain while falling is a longer-term pain.
So not much choice...
3 days clean b"h
Please, please listen to me my friend. I know the exact feeling you have right now. The desire was so overwhelming that it caused all other consequences to pale in comparison. After the deed, you feel so horrible, you say to yourself, it is clearly not worth this pain! Enough is enough! Then it slowly starts to fade and the circle starts over.
I did the following, as you can see in my thread. I wrote down my feelings after a fall as clearly as possible, when I had the clarity from feeling horrible after. While experiencing the pain, guilt and self loathing that came along with that small dose of pleasure that seemed so desirable minutes before, I wrote it all down.
MANY times when consumed by desire, I read the feelings i penned after my prior fall and it brought back that clarity.
Please write down the way you feel and post it. It will do wonders if used properly.
