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I'm Back!
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: I'm Back! 5121 Views

Re: I'm Back! 14 Mar 2021 17:45 #365364

  • DeterminedtoWin
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B"H had a really nice Shabbos. Looking forward to a terrific week!

Super busy at work and just as busy at home getting ready for Pesach.

Reminding myself to not go anywhere on my computer that I would not want my wife to see and to continue staying connected and posting daily updates on my thread. 

A Gutten Choidesh!
Determinedtowin

Re: I'm Back! 16 Mar 2021 21:07 #365540

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Yesterday my filter went down. I struggled to stay in control and was able to restart my computer (which fixes the filter) before getting into too much trouble. However, once I was thrown off and triggered, I lost myself down the path of lust and lies. I was just going to "take a peek" at some of the stuff that I was still able to access even with the filter (not sure what I was thinking - I wasn't!) but after a few minutes it got more and more grey if I was just slipping or actually falling so I just threw in the towel and gave up for the day. 

Part of me wants to make a huge deal about the fall. I just fell a few days ago and have lost the geshmaka feeling I had when I was up in the 50s the other week and climbing my way back up to rubbin’ shoulders with the big GYE veterans. (Of course living bkedusha - in line with the life I want to be living - felt amazing, but there are these feelings too. Just being honest...) I was feeling so proud of myself and now I am dealing with the shame and guilt that comes from giving in to such stupidity, especially since I have all this accountability. Looks and feels pretty bad…

On the other hand, I think I’m better off not making such a big deal and just focusing on getting back in the game again. I was in contact with my partner (maybe a mentor by now) and made up to keep daily contact at least until Pesach. I also contacted Gentech to try blocking this issue yet again (I already tried a few times and it hasn’t worked) and b”H it finally worked this time!

So… I’m just going to tuck in my tail, deal with the shame and embarrassment, and have a little bit of chutzpa to just get right back in there and keep going. B”H today is going well. Stay tuned for my continued daily posts be”H and may we all be zoiche to truly purge ourselves from all of our personal “chametz”!

Last Edit: 16 Mar 2021 21:08 by DeterminedtoWin.

Re: I'm Back! 16 Mar 2021 22:47 #365549

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Grant400 wrote on 10 Mar 2021 14:35:

starting wrote on 10 Mar 2021 12:40:
OK I'm back
Still challenging, still struggling, still fighting but now I once again feel like it's not worth falling again. 

So hard, sometimes feels like it's not worth fighting and sometimes feels like not worth having another fall under my belt. 
Fighting it out is a momentary pain while falling is a longer-term pain. 
So not much choice... 

3 days clean b"h 

Please, please listen to me my friend. I know the exact feeling you have right now. The desire was so overwhelming that it caused all other consequences to pale in comparison. After the deed, you feel so horrible, you say to yourself, it is clearly not worth this pain! Enough is enough! Then it slowly starts to fade and the circle starts over.

I did the following, as you can see in my thread. I wrote down my feelings after a fall as clearly as possible, when I had the clarity from feeling horrible after. While experiencing the pain, guilt and self loathing that came along with that small dose of pleasure that seemed so desirable minutes before, I wrote it all down.

MANY times when consumed by desire, I read the feelings i penned after my prior fall and it brought back that clarity.

Please write down the way you feel and post it. It will do wonders if used properly.

Re: I'm Back! 16 Mar 2021 22:51 #365550

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Techloq is an excellent filter and their support staff are superb and quick


eyes wrote on 09 Mar 2021 14:54:
Dear Testero,

Its Eyes Again.

Please call techloq and ask to speak to Aaron Frand. He is a tzaddik in our generation. He understands us guys and wants to help.

​He will not leave any loopholes. call you will see good results

We are rooting for you 
Last Edit: 16 Mar 2021 22:51 by Striving Avreich.

Re: I'm Back! 16 Mar 2021 22:58 #365551

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DeterminedtoWin wrote on 16 Mar 2021 21:07:

Part of me wants to make a huge deal about the fall. I just fell a few days ago and have lost the geshmaka feeling I had when I was up in the 50s the other week and climbing my way back up to rubbin’ shoulders with the big GYE veterans. (Of course living bkedusha - in line with the life I want to be living - felt amazing, but there are these feelings too. Just being honest...) I was feeling so proud of myself and now I am dealing with the shame and guilt that comes from giving in to such stupidity, especially since I have all this accountability. Looks and feels pretty bad…


I know exactly how you feel. The same thing happened to me. Just take it slow and try not to think about it (it's hard...I know). Just be honest with yourself, it's okay to feel disappointed. But don't let that disappointment define who you are. You are a tzaddik!
נאָך אַ שריפה ווערט מען רייַך - After a fire one becomes wealthy.

My email: bhyy@protonmail.com

My thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/349632-Hayom-Yom

Re: I'm Back! 17 Mar 2021 00:05 #365564

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Thanks chevra for the chizuk. B"H had a great day and feeling good. Be"H it will continue!

Re: I'm Back! 18 Mar 2021 00:06 #365625

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B"H I had a great day today. Very productive!

Be"H tomorrow will be another great day of living it up!

Re: I'm Back! 18 Mar 2021 15:40 #365661

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Just watched the video explaining the upcoming new and improved GYE 2.0. Sounds amazing! Very much looking forward!

Unfathomable zechusim for the people behind all of this - and for all those that are using what is being offered to grow in these inyanim. 

The plan is for GYE to be the Hatzalah, Chaverim, etc. of Klal Yisroel for these struggles. Amazing!! 

Re: I'm Back! 18 Mar 2021 15:42 #365662

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The plan is for GYE to be the Hatzalah, Chaverim, etc. of Klal Yisroel for these struggles. Amazing!!

(It totally already is just not as widespread and out in the open yet.)

Re: I'm Back! 18 Mar 2021 19:19 #365671

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DeterminedtoWin wrote on 18 Mar 2021 15:40:
Just watched the video explaining the upcoming new and improved GYE 2.0. Sounds amazing! Very much looking forward!

Unfathomable zechusim for the people behind all of this - and for all those that are using what is being offered to grow in these inyanim. 

The plan is for GYE to be the Hatzalah, Chaverim, etc. of Klal Yisroel for these struggles. Amazing!! 

Can you please post a link to the video? thanks!

Re: I'm Back! 18 Mar 2021 19:35 #365672

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Changing wrote on 18 Mar 2021 19:19:

DeterminedtoWin wrote on 18 Mar 2021 15:40:
Just watched the video explaining the upcoming new and improved GYE 2.0. Sounds amazing! Very much looking forward!

Unfathomable zechusim for the people behind all of this - and for all those that are using what is being offered to grow in these inyanim. 

The plan is for GYE to be the Hatzalah, Chaverim, etc. of Klal Yisroel for these struggles. Amazing!! 

Can you please post a link to the video? thanks!

Here.

https://guardyoureyes.us2.list-manage.com/track/click?u=91d58058bb1a1a0123ffad68d&id=1b1f887f87&e=777461af3e

Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread

Re: I'm Back! 19 Mar 2021 19:13 #365732

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Things have been really busy and all over the place the last couple of days, between Pesach prep, work, and technical issues with phones and stuff (nothing to do with internet) but b"H doing great as far as feeling clean and connected! Looking forward to a wonderful Shabbos!

Re: I'm Back! 21 Mar 2021 19:08 #365819

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B"H doing great!
Super busy so no time for lengthy posts.
Ditto above for weekly reminder to self
Have great week!
Pesach bkedusha here we come be"H!!!

Re: I'm Back! 22 Mar 2021 22:40 #365895

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B"H going strong! Chasdei Hashem I've been feeling connected and in the zone! 

Re: I'm Back! 23 Mar 2021 04:37 #365932

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Keep up the great work!!

Happy to see you are in the zone!!

A Post a Day can keep the yetzer hara away! 
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