silentbattle wrote on 23 Aug 2011 19:38:


sb, im ith you. i can totally empathize with that feeling of hopelessness. though i have come to learn that powerless is not hopeless. Hopeless is something else but just as difficult to dal with. please continue sharing your feelings knowing that we all have them from time to time in this battle that has become our life.

Zemmy that's awesome. Did you write that? (I googled the first line and the only result that came up is this very thread)

it's from Silentbattle!
here:
www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=1315.msg58230#msg58230

SB That's so beautiful. Is there a tune for it? Got more?

Gevura!

Hey tough guy. Wanted to say hi. Your a good friend and a real inspiration. That is to say that I have any inspiration.  :-\

ZS - thanks! the words do sound vaguely familiar, somehow...

To me, though, that song is about when we've already grown, but still hang onto some bad habits...whereas this is an issue that I still need to work on.

I should add that right now, I'm not really all the down - but I know that the issues will come up again, and I'm trying to prepare and work things out a bit better beforehand.

IT25 - wow! Always great to hear from you, my man! Let me know if you're ever back stateside, I'd love to invite you to another siyum! And you helped me get to where I am, you are inspiration personified!

Back on Track - interesting - when someone is powerless, how do they stop from feeling hopeless, when things look like they're bad and only going to get worse?

Gevura ShebYesod - you can PM me your email address if you like, I'll see if I can find a recording of it somewhere. If not, I'll try to make a new one when I have some time.

I most definitly will!! Can you message me with your email address so we can be in touch more often

When I surround myself with people who are completely hopeless, and yet sober for months, years, and even decades, your question to Back On Track is meaningless to me. The reason I am sober today (and I mean today) is only because my acting out convinced me that I am a hopeless drunk. That I am innately a loser when it comes to lusting successfully, when it comes to staying clean from lust, when it comes to being the director of my life, and especially when it comes to successfully directing other peoples' lives.

In other words, I have some giving up to do, so that I can allow Hashem to do His thing.

This is as simple and clear as the nose on my own face. It will make no sense at all to a non-addict. I know that because it makes no sense at all to my wife - she tells me so. But she also tells me that her life with me has been more and more wonderful since about a year or so after I started being sober and working the steps. And it has been a great bunch of years since then, with some bumps. Nu. A great trip that I do not deserve at all. Zero.

What's not poshut to you peisano? 

silentbattle wrote on 23 Aug 2011 19:38:


I feel your pain. May Hashem start turning things around for you....

I have often felt that circumstances were totally hopeless totally but when I just hang in there and make it till tomorrow as best I can and then another day and then another... sooner or later something changes, a new opportunity arrives, or something unexpected shifts and there is hope..

Hang in there you never know what the tide will bring in...

Thank you, Reb Trying...always great to hear from you!

Dov - I'm not sure I understand (for a change). Are you saying that working the steps and staying sober is not dependent on hope? And that even with nothing good in sight, and no hope for your situation getting better, you can still follow the steps, and feel happy?

Rav Avigdor Miller zt"l taught us that "even a rosho should be very happy". For there is a G-d! There are no other options, as the acting out lifestyle does not work at all. So I will take 'sober' no matter what.

As far as hope for a better life is concerned, what hope for a better life is there for me in acting out? None. All it makes me is miserable, even if it is just lusting and not actually acting out. It always makes me thoroughly miserable. "We have no other options," as the drunks put it.

Please read what I just wrote to Jack (an awesome fellow indeed) in his thread. Hope in G-d is completely indispensible, but often takes a back seat to losing our trust in lust to help us. Staying sober is not an option, really. And I may still be unable to stay sober. I need G-d to make that possible, period. So we get G-d and sobriety simultaneously, sort of like gittah veyadah bo'in k'achas.

 

I hear that. It's an important point to always remember - even when things don't work out, and life seems to be in the toilet, turning to Lust still makes no sense, because let's face it - it doesn't help!

In other news, I think I took a bit of a step forward. I was reading an interesting article, and wanted to share a quick thought with my wife. She was also reading a book at the time, and indicated that she was focused on the book. I asked her if she could let me know when I could share the information with her, and she said yes. Finally, about 25 minutes later, when she had to put down the book anyway, she asked me what I wanted to tell her. I was annoyed and frustrated, feeling that she should have shown interest in what I wanted to say earlier (maybe at the end of a chapter). Especially since, had our roles been reversed, she certainly would have expected that of me.

But then I realized that I need to focus on the positive. Unlike in the past, this time she actually did ask what I had wanted to say, and that is certainly a step forward, even if we aren't where I wish we would be.

So I thanked her, and made sure to mention my appreciation again, later on.

GEVALDIG!!!


The Empire State Building is a tall tower of small bricks!

Have a ksiva v'chasima tova, everyone.

In the area of Lust, as well as in all reas that we have trouble, I must remember to surrender to hashem. He is that master, the King, and I am the servant. My job is to do the best I can to carry out his will.

More precisely, to surrender our will to hashem's.  You know, the stuff we really, really want.  Or at least we are convinced that we want it.  Surrender that.  A tall order indeed!