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Journey of life
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Journey of life 54457 Views

Re: My sorry state... 02 Feb 2018 06:27 #326342

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I've been thinking for the last few months actually that the only person there might be is a rebbi of mine from Israel, and that I should go visit and speak to him. If I'm going to speak to him I think it would be better in person. He's an amazing person and has a heart of gold, and I know he would be eager to help. He just doesn't always have the right responses...but you say it's the act of opening up that's liberating, so that shouldn't be a concern I guess.


Great idea! First of all you will be relieved to hear that you are not a rasha or loser. And you will finally get that anxiety producing secret off your chest. Your rebbi has probably dealt with this numerous times.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: My sorry state... 02 Feb 2018 06:39 #326344

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HakolMilimala wrote on 02 Feb 2018 06:17:
Ok. So With these mental hurdles, you have to figure out what exactly is scaring you about it
in your case, “I am scared of being judged”

now, ask yourself, why am I scared of being judged? What is the worst case scenario? Can I even be sure that I will be judged? Can I even be sure there will be a bad scenario? What am I so scared of? what do I even have to lose?

really think about it for a few minutes, and think about it honestly, and let us know.

Let me give you a personal example. I was working with a therapist about my relationship with my mother.
The therapist asked me: Why don’t you speak to her and voice your requests of her/ concerns about her current way of acting?
i said that I could technically do that and I think it would work but that there is something blocking me from doing that and I’m not sure what it is.
therapist asks me to think about it and try to define what could be blocking me
i closed my eyes and thought about it and suddenly a lightbulb hits
i say that since I know that if I do that, I will potentially repair our relationship, I don’t want to do that. I say that I am storing a lot of anger and resentment towards her and I feel like I will be rewarding her by repairing our relationship.

you can’t understand how powerful of a feeling that moment is unless you’ve experienced it yourself.
for years I had no clue why I wouldn’t just work on repairing the relationship. No clue. And the only problem was that I had never thought about it. Now this is something that is very hard to do on your own. You need someone asking you the right questions.

now, look at this example, it turned out that perhaps my mental hurdle was very well backed. It wasn’t for no reason.
but by speaking out and defining the true reason behind the mental hurdle, I was able to work on the root of things and begin to heal, begin to come to terms with some of the anger and resentment and begin to become more comfortable with the concept of repairing the relationship.

i think you can have a similar process when it comes to opening up.

and yes, I do think that even if the rebbe might not have the perfect responses, just the fact that you opened up will do wonders and set you on the right path.
i also think that once you open up to one person that you respect and care about your relationship , it will only steamroll into more healthy interactions like that.
Last Edit: 02 Feb 2018 06:51 by HakolMilimala.

Re: My sorry state... 02 Feb 2018 12:29 #326349

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it looks as if lifebound is getting more comfortable
way to go we are rooting for you

like a bridge over troubled waters


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Re: My sorry state... 02 Feb 2018 13:25 #326352

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Dear Lifebound,
Perhaps you can start a private chat with someone here. You can spill everything you want to, NO ONE will know. You can tell or not tell whatever you want in a non threatening way. Even though it's a total stranger, just opening up will help.

Re: My sorry state... 04 Feb 2018 03:51 #326380

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HakolMilimala: Thank you for sharing your personal experiences with this.
I think the answer to your original question is simply that I care way too much about what other people think about me. The worst case scenario is...discomfort? I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I know it's wrong and illogical but it's probably something that itself requires therapy to address properly.

tzomah: thanks I definitely am.

Yerushalmi: I've been private chatting with a few people. Like i said above it helps and is getting easier.


To sum it up, y'all are right and I know it. The more you reiterate it the more it penetrates my thick skull and hopefully soon I'll just say, screw what anyone else thinks, and get the help i need.

Re: My sorry state... 04 Feb 2018 04:28 #326386

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Yes. I think that that day will come iyh very soon. I’m praying for it. I think you’re having some self-fulfilling prophecy over here. You admit it’s only discomfort. So c’mon, you gotta give it a try. Obviously, opening up is not an end in it of itself, but I think it’s a very logical first step to getting things turned around. I know that after I speak to someone, I feel rejuvenated and motivated to change.

Sometimes, you just need some motivation. Step back and look at where you’re holding today. Is that really what you dreamed of when you were in teens? Is that where you imagined you’d be? Wouldn’t it of scared you? 

Well, I think it’s up to you to reclaim your life.
Don’t let it slip any further away. You can get to a much better place. It just might take a little sacrifice, discomfort and sweat. 

But its going to be SO worth it.
And YOU know that, right?

So hey, today’s the first day of the rest of your life. Let’s get going! 

Like tzomah said, you got a team rooting for you here.

Re: My sorry state... 04 Feb 2018 13:34 #326406

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HakolMilimala wrote on 04 Feb 2018 04:28:


Sometimes, you just need some motivation. Step back and look at where you’re holding today. Is that really what you dreamed of when you were in teens? Is that where you imagined you’d be? Wouldn’t it of scared you? 

Well, I think it’s up to you to reclaim your life.
Don’t let it slip any further away. You can get to a much better place. It just might take a little sacrifice, discomfort and sweat. 

look at sukkah daf nun gimel amud beis

like a bridge over troubled waters


my stuff

Re: My sorry state... 04 Feb 2018 18:07 #326420

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tzomah wrote on 04 Feb 2018 13:34:
look at sukkah daf nun gimel amud beis

Looked it up, I'm not seeing the connection?

Re: My sorry state... 04 Feb 2018 22:14 #326431

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lifebound wrote on 04 Feb 2018 18:07:

tzomah wrote on 04 Feb 2018 13:34:
look at sukkah daf nun gimel amud beis

Looked it up, I'm not seeing the connection?

sorry it's the top of amud aleph that a baal teshuvah is someone who uses his older age to fix what happened when he was younger
i thought it fit what hm was saying about what you thought would be in your teens etc.

like a bridge over troubled waters


my stuff

Re: My sorry state... 04 Feb 2018 23:13 #326433

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oh ok I see it now, thanks

Re: My sorry state... 06 Feb 2018 21:25 #326561

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Welcome back! Never ever give up!

Re: My sorry state... 12 Feb 2018 03:06 #326847

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Hey everyone.

Random question: Around the summer of 2016 there was a story in the "Lifelines" section in Mishpacha magazine about a person with internet addiction. I believe GYE was mentioned by name. That story is what pushed me to make an account here. (My register date is June 2016) Does anyone have a copy of that story?

I had a bad fall yesterday and need all the inspiration I can get.

Re: My sorry state... 13 Feb 2018 08:44 #326923

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lifebound wrote on 12 Feb 2018 03:06:
Hey everyone.

Random question: Around the summer of 2016 there was a story in the "Lifelines" section in Mishpacha magazine about a person with internet addiction. I believe GYE was mentioned by name. That story is what pushed me to make an account here. (My register date is June 2016) Does anyone have a copy of that story?

I had a bad fall yesterday and need all the inspiration I can get.

Found it: 
guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/289575-Mishpacha-Magazine-Lifelines-Story-about-GYE#289575

guardyoureyes.com/media/kunena/attachments/3202/mishpachalifelines-doublelife-june12016.pdf

Re: My sorry state... 13 Feb 2018 15:03 #326933

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@Lifebound glad you found the article, but after reading your story sorry to be so blunt i feel you will need to take some more bold steps than just an article in Mishpacha to get sober and out of your depression like opening up to someone, (fellow GYE members could be a great 1st step)

As a fellow bachur in shidduchim i understand the pressures which you are going through, i was in a pretty similar situation to you but b'h i opened up to my rabbeim, keep in touch with fellow GYE members and went to therapy and now baruch hashem have been sober for 50 days and i'm feeling more confident and better as i'm going through the real tough parsha of shidduchim in fact i'm going on a date tonight (please daven for me that hashem should help and guide me through this real tough and emotional decision, and help me make the right decision) C'mon we are all rooting for you! feel free to reach out

 Lots of love Yankele (a fellow bachur your age with similar problems in life!!!!)
Important quote from Cordnoy
"The need is a perceived one. There has not been one reported case on these pages of a death occurrin' on account of not fulfillin' that need

“I avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward.” 

"My recovery must come first so that everything I love in life doesn’t have to come last."

My Story
                       

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Re: My sorry state... 13 Feb 2018 17:33 #326937

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Hi Yankel yes of course. I dont expect the article to keep me clean. I just wanted another reminder of why I joined in the first place.
Everything you wrote is right on the money. I don't know what else to say. I know I need to take the steps to get out of this pit with the help of others...

hatzlacha on your date tonight.
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