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Journey of life
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Journey of life 54444 Views

Re: My sorry state... 23 Mar 2018 17:31 #328856

  • lifebound
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Sing: Guess it depends on the person and level of obsession with the 'distraction' but I think you're right. I did not mean to say that all distractions are bad and to throw it all away. Normal people need healthy diversions. The problem is when there's no foundation of life to be distracted FROM. If you're confronted with yourself and always want to run away, well, in my mind that's a pretty good indicator that you need to work on actually living.

AD: Thank you, actually this realization did come in a big way from reading the Rabbi/Dr Twerski hot tub story: 
guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/255161-Anybody-remember-wheres-R-Twerski--the-hot-tub#255564

I first became aware that I had a self-esteem problem at age thirty-eight. For three years, I had been director of a huge, 300 bed psychiatric facility with a very busy emergency room. If a nurse could not reach an attending doctor, I was called. Every other night I was on call to the emergency room. On a good night, I was awoken only five times; on a bad night, ten or more times.

I had a vacation coming, and was desirous of getting away from an impossibly hectic situation. I sought a vacation spot that would allow me to do nothing other than vegetate. I wanted no sightseeing or activities. I finally decided on Hot Springs, Arkansas, which promised to allow me total rest.

The industry of Hot Springs is horse-racing, which begins in mid-February. I reached Hot Springs in December, when there was nothing doing in town. Most of the stores were boarded up. It was the vacation spot I had hoped for.

Having had low-back pain for years, I thought I would take advantage of the mineral-water baths, which were touted as producing miraculous results. I was taken into a tiny cubicle, and an attendant gave me two glasses of hot mineral water which was naturally heated deep in the earth. Then I was put into a tub of these magic waters, and the whirlpool was turned on.

I felt I was in Paradise! No one could reach me—no patient, no nurse, no doctor, no family member, no social worker, no probation officer—I was beyond reach. And in this paradisical situation, I was bathing in nature's own hot-water. Who could ask for more?

After about five minutes, I got up and said to the attendant, "That was wonderful! Just what I'd been hoping for."

The attendant said, "Where are you going, sir?" I said, "Wherever the next part of the treatment is." The attendant said, "First you must stay in the whirlpool for 25 minutes."

I returned to the bath, and after five minutes I said, "Look, I have to get out of here." The attendant said, "As you wish, but you cannot go on with the rest of the treatment."

I did not wish to forego the treatment, so I returned to the tub for 15 minutes of purgatory. The hands on the clock on the wall did not seem to be moving.

Later that day, I realized that I had a rude awakening. I had taken three years of constant stress without difficulty, but I could not take ten minutes of Paradise! Something was wrong.

On return home I consulted a psychologist. He pointed out that if you asked people how they relaxed, one would say, "I read a good book," or "I listen to music," or "I do needlework," or "I play golf." Everyone tells you what they do to relax. However, relaxation is an absence of effort. One does not do anything to relax. What most people describe as relaxation is actually diversion. You divert you attention to the book, needlework or golf ball.

Diversions are perfectly OK, but they are actually escapist techniques. Work and diversion are fairly healthy techniques. Unfortunately, some people escape into alcohol, drugs, food or gambling.

In the cubicle at Hot Springs, I had no diversions: nothing to read, nothing to look at, nothing to listen to, no one to talk to, nothing to do. In absence of all diversions, I was left in immediate contact with myself. I could not remain there long because I didn't like the person I was with!

Why are people using a variety of escapist maneuvers? What is it that they seek to escape? Very often it is from themselves. If, as was the case with me, they have an erroneous self-concept, they cannot stand being with themselves.


I know I'm not saying any chiddush, this has been said by many others on here. Just dawned on me last week how true and applicable it is to me.

Re: My sorry state... 23 Mar 2018 18:22 #328864

  • Iampowerless
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This wednesday i was sitting by my therapist's office after a very depressing week, were i felt extremely useless and very low about myself i looked at my therapist in the eye and i told him i can't anymore i'm about to hit 90 days clean a huge achievement for me so why do i feel so depressed. He sat there and he told me the way my thought process works which is always trying to judge myself and always beating myself up over every time i feel low or always busy judging my emotions or how do i feel what that is doing is just feeding my depression and low self esteem. And as such for beating myself up i end up feeling even more depressed so i feel even more like a zombie without the happiness the rest of the world seems to have. 
He told me here are the facts you are suffering from depression and by you getting upset at yourself and constantly beating yourself you are just feeding your depression.

The only way to live happy is to practice COMPASSION and ACCEPTANCE regardless of if my day went well or not you see Lifebound if i would be sitting and talking to you about how i feel worthless and zero connection to hashem etc i don't think you will start beating me up that I'm such a bad guy i think you will be full of compassion to me and tell me how even though hashem didn't make me feel an enjoyment for shabbos or davening etc, and i still keep shabbos usually make it to shul and you really want to feel a connection to hashem just hashem isn't sending me those feelings etc. why can't you be compassionate to yourself? And stop beating yourself up? And since thatsession I've been practicing not beating myself up and being compassionate to myself and so far i've been feeling much better 

Just some thoughts from my therapy session this Wednesday i hope they are helpful!

 Good Shabbos Love Yankel
Important quote from Cordnoy
"The need is a perceived one. There has not been one reported case on these pages of a death occurrin' on account of not fulfillin' that need

“I avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward.” 

"My recovery must come first so that everything I love in life doesn’t have to come last."

My Story
                       

Yankel's Daily Inspirational Quotes

Re: My sorry state... 23 Mar 2018 19:41 #328865

iampowerless wrote on 23 Mar 2018 18:22:
 were  .............my thought process works which is always trying to judge myself and always beating myself up over every time i feel low or always busy judging my emotions ....... beating yourself you 
The only way to live happy is to practice COMPASSION and ACCEPTANCE regardless of ................compassionate to yourself? And stop beating yourself up? ................. i've been feeling much better 
.

Dear Yankel:
Very well said! Thanks for sharing this critically useful information for all of us who are struggling to recover or anyone who has embarked on a journey of self-improvement and spiritual growth!
I am truly inspired by your progress! Enjoyed chatting with you as well.

FYI , i heard that there is actually a live GYE (only frum guys) meeting in Lakewood in a private location.
I find the  "acceptance prayer" found on page 417 of the AA Big Book (4th Edition) 
"and acceptance is the answer to all of my problems today ect.. has helped me greatly. Let me know if you want me to E-mail to you. Wishing you a gr8 and sober Shabbos! and remember what comes after day 90.........is day 91 lol... 

Re: My sorry state... 23 Mar 2018 20:11 #328866

  • lifebound
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That's​ great stuff Yankel, thank you very much for sharing. 

Truth is, all this talk and philosophizing about life and diversions is itself a diversion! It's all good and valuable stuff to be mindful about, but currently I need to think less and do more.

Re: My sorry state... 23 Mar 2018 20:37 #328869

  • Iampowerless
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Hi Aryeh Dovid thanks for the info i enjoyed chatting with you as well.

Dear Lifebound glad you found what i wrote helpful i just wanted to clarify one thing you wrote ''but currently I need to think less and do more!''
you see this in this line you are once again beating yourself up!  

One thing i realized throughout my recovery process is i can't control what i think. What goes on in my head and thoughts i can't change hashem made my brain think like that. I just have to be self aware that i'm a  human being and sadly far from perfect so the fact that my head is going in a direction of being negative, and beating myself up that's how hashem made me so instead of fighting a losing battle to try to get rid of my thought's i just ACCEPT whatever thought's hashem sent my way and then i practice COMPASSION to myself the same way i'll be compassionate of another jew who shares his struggles with me. Because i'm not less than a fellow jew just as i realize i won't be helpful to my fellow jew if i beat him up for thinking of things he so badly wishes not to thhink about, but rather the way to help him is by being compassionate i also won't grow from beating myself up about why my thought process did what it did!

Hope i made myself clearer you see this tools of practicing ACCEPTANCE and COMPASSION are not just for our actions but also for our unwanted thought's

 Love Yankel
Important quote from Cordnoy
"The need is a perceived one. There has not been one reported case on these pages of a death occurrin' on account of not fulfillin' that need

“I avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward.” 

"My recovery must come first so that everything I love in life doesn’t have to come last."

My Story
                       

Yankel's Daily Inspirational Quotes
Last Edit: 25 Mar 2018 03:45 by Iampowerless.

Re: My sorry state... 25 Mar 2018 01:57 #328877

  • ieeyc
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very interesting! i heard a similiar thing from Rav Miller ztl when you are eating breakfast you are doing chesed with someone,with who ?with this jew (R`Miller pointed at himself when he said that) he said if you feed another jew are you doing chesed ?of course! so what difference does it  make if the jew happens to be yourself!Hatzlacha  and thanks for sharing!

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Re: My sorry state... 25 Mar 2018 18:44 #328918

  • ieeyc
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someone wanted to say that the lowest karma s/o can get is a -6 but more than that (-7) it wont go because they dont want anybody to get too embarresed

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Last Edit: 25 Mar 2018 18:46 by ieeyc.

Re: My sorry state... 25 Mar 2018 21:07 #328925

  • Gevura Shebyesod
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I believe the record is -98. Are you humble enough?
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: My sorry state... 25 Mar 2018 22:41 #328929

  • lifebound
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Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 25 Mar 2018 21:07:
I believe the record is -98.

Who was that??

Re: My sorry state... 25 Mar 2018 23:10 #328930

  • ieeyc
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he doesnt want anyone to know "mayrov  onvisanuso"-"due to his great humility"

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Re: My sorry state... 26 Mar 2018 00:08 #328935

  • ieeyc
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Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 25 Mar 2018 21:07:
I believe the record is -98. Are you humble enough?

i appreciate you telling me how much more i have to go ,i was feeling  a bit haughty  that i reached -10,but -98 was from the pre-legistlation days when there was no negative limit, but now i think the limit is -10 if someone presses  the - sign it goes from-10 to -9and so on...,anyway even i admit  i overstepped the boundries of thread highjacking ,sorry lifebound,have you tried reading the archives chizuk emails they are really powerful

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Last Edit: 26 Mar 2018 06:03 by ieeyc.

Re: My sorry state... 26 Mar 2018 02:01 #328937

  • lifebound
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lifebound wrote on 25 Mar 2018 22:41:

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 25 Mar 2018 21:07:
I believe the record is -98.

Who was that??

Nevermind, found him.

ieeyc, you currently have the 2nd to lowest karma on the site but if you're feeling haughty about that, I don't think it should count because you've literally been asking for it...

And thanks for the suggestion but chizuk emails only go so far

Re: My sorry state... 26 Mar 2018 02:50 #328939

  • lionking
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ieeyc wrote on 26 Mar 2018 00:08:

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 25 Mar 2018 21:07:
I believe the record is -98. Are you humble enough?

i appreciate you telling me how much more i have to go ,i was feeling  a bit haughty  that i reached -9,but -98 was from the pre-legistlation days when there was no negative limit, but now i think the limit is -9 if someone presses  the - sign it goes from-9 to -8 and so on...,anyway even i admit  i overstepped the boundries of thread highjacking ,sorry lifebound,have you tried reading the archives chizuk emails they are really powerful

Do you mean to say I have been hitting the wrong button a whole time? If Minus adds, then Plus would minus.
I'm a little out of the loop here.
ieeyc, did you choose to be the guinea pig to test how low the karma can go?!?
My email address is: growinghigher613@gmail.com

Re: My sorry state... 26 Mar 2018 06:00 #328946

  • ieeyc
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its a dirty job ,but somebodys gotta do it!

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Re: My sorry state... 26 Mar 2018 07:38 #328947

  • lifebound
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lionking wrote on 26 Mar 2018 02:50:
Do you mean to say I have been hitting the wrong button a whole time? If Minus adds, then Plus would minus.
I'm a little out of the loop here.

It's pretty much the same as your last loop:

For (i=0, i<100, i++);
printf("karma is optional");
Time to create page: 0.83 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes