I'm clean a year.

In the past when I've hit a milestone I can't seem to contain myself. 
I can't wait to write a testimonial to express my inner feelings.
However, now I am going through a financial crisis and I am just thankful that I am still clean taking into account the anxiety involved.

yiraishamaim wrote on 19 Jun 2018 01:06:

God speed!

If it helps you any, so am I (as well as several other types).

You are not alone. I saw a survey that said that half of all Americans can't pay a $400 emergency room bill without going into debt. And the financial system itself is desperately dependent on central banks buying up worthless stocks. Hashem is balancing things ever so carefully so the economy doesn't collapse.

Mazel tov on a year! That is super! And yes, it is very special that you are successful despite severe financial pressure. And I am in the same boat..... Continued hatzlocha!

Had a couple of slips. Got to regroup and regain my momentum so that G-d willing no more slips or worse

Maybe something to do with the fact that it's been a year?

I think that you have a point

How would you describe your feelings during a year when you were acting out (for lack of a better term) vs this past year?

It's a lot of feelings to describe I guess ...

After milestones, many fall or slip. Why? I think what happens when we reach 90 days or a year or any goal that we have designated, we start thinking "Hey, now what?" Nothing magical happens on those days and we begin to realize that this issue will remain with us for the rest of our lives. Pretty demoralizing and a recipe to just sit down, watch some real trash and act out. However, there is a big mistake with this way of thinking. Look back to day 2 or 3  before we joined GYE- we were all there hundreds of times. What kind of bechira did we have then? Pretty low indeed. We did not believe we could hold off for any significant amount of time, so we just threw in the towel. Then even after we joined GYE, when we hit days 10 through 20 with the horrible withdrawal - some of us have been there numerous times too - we just caved in - as if an inexorable force put our hands down there and made us.... But then when we hit 40, 50, etc, we actually started tasting true bechira again. We saw "it can actually be done!" So even when we fell, and cried...., we had that belief that it was worth it to try again. Still our bechira was weak, and when hit by unexpected powerful triggers, we were sitting ducks facing a tsunami.... But we persisted and BH gained real levels of bechira back. When one hits a year, he basically has been through all types of situations, be they work/school year mode, vacation mode, yomim tovim/simchas/tragedies mode, various financial challenges etc etc and has pulled through.  In closing, as you reach a milestone, be prepared to just continue one day at a time. Don't expect magic. Make a small celebration along with a tefillah for continued syatta d'shmaya, share the accomplishment with your friends here and ask them for advice and encouragement how to continue.

mzl wrote on 19 Jun 2018 21:00:

Incomparably different

Thanks gentleman.

Time to pick up my socks and get on with the program.

I know what to do, what to tweak

One of the many ways I find motivating, is to set a goal before a certain block of time.
I look at July and August as "summer"
I want to be successful for this period. It is now the beginning of July.
Time to take those strategies that have truly helped me be sober and be focused and fulfill them.
In short: right mindset(giving life over to G-d ...), Tefillah, prepare before going out to the street, remember three second rule, stay away from triggers, readings/films on sobriety, talk to my partner, be there for others, be accountable on the forum...….
I look forward to the end of August to say "I did well," that doesn't happen by itself.
I'll be prouder than a young boy with a good report card 
That's a feeling that ya can't just buy with money. 

OSAAT!

Well said.

Better just focus on the immediate short run.

Thanks

It's been a while since I have posted here. Just wanted to share what has been beneficial in my journey. I have come to realize that among the many attitudes that assist me in keeping sober, there is a particular defensive action that is crucial. That is, is being extremely careful on the computer in a proactive way. I used to use a search engine that has various topics with pics that would appear on it as soon as I opened the computer. In the past, some seemingly "neutral topic" would invariably catch my attention and one "innocent curiosity" would lead to another, then another and then an eventual tank. 
Instead, I go on google with no boxes of interesting ideas or personalities vying for my attention. Then I focus on my immediate need to be on the computer and when I do what is necessary, I simply get off.
I have curtailed my interest in the news and my favorite sport team. In order to appease my appetite for these things I allow myself to listen daily to the news for a few minutes on the radio, and agree to watch my favorite sports team if and when they get to the playoffs.
I learn more and try to think of Torah or my job when I have free moments.
While walking the streets- I find not gazing at women still challenging although some improvement has been made.
A "Git Kvittel to All"