Just thought I'd share something with you all.
Last night/tonight I was looking at some inappropriate material from my phone (I found a loophole). While I was about to get into the smut, I got a phone call from a friend. He was having a difficult time too and we spoke for an hour. During that hour, he helped me stop. It was very good, but after we spoke, I fell again and had a nasty tivah.
Right after I fell (bigtime), literally within 30 seconds, my mom called me frantic saying my phone called her. This was at 3am. I know I didn't call her, (especially at that moment). I was all freaked out because I had thought I got a virus or something; maybe my phone got hacked or something. In the end, I've decided that it was Hashem giving me another message. I was blessed with two signs tonight. I didn't listen to the first, so Hashem gave me a second. Granted this was after the fact, but I feel like I can use this as a spring board.
After all, can you imagine how embarrassed you'd be if your mother found out all the shmutz you've viewed? I'm hoping for a new start and tomorrow, or whenever I have a chance, I'm going to the Mikvah. I'm also going to retry the 90 days challenge again, and possibly rework my TafSic. I'm so afraid that this will consume my life. I'm also afraid of the little slips becoming something worse then they already are.
Also, I'm hesitant to do this, but I might give my safari password over to someone too. It has a filter built in and I've deleted safari, but some software doesn't work unless I have safari active. I'm just afraid of a scenario coming up where I'll need the password and can't call the person who has it.
