I am trying to find a way to live with the pain of withdrawl and temptation. Like a diet, a person truly commited will eventually be okay knowing they are hungry and wont break it no matter what. I have come to the conclusion that at some point, usually within 2-3 weeks i start to get bored of trying. For a while i feel good about my neshama being cleansed and the connection i feel with my ruchniyus but then i just feel like i need to let loose, like the holiness aspect diminishes. I need to get to that 3 week point and somehow change my thought process or have a way to overcome those feelings of "this isnt fun anymore". My family on both sides of my family has addiction issues so that is also something that i struggle with in the sense that this super aggressive nature of wanting to have fun, drink, party, and do things wrong from a masturbation, strip club or whatever is fueled by addictive behaviors.

in summation, i can be clean for 2-3 weeks and feel good, then it dies. Any advice?

Welcome,

Well, if addiction is hereditary, why bother fightin' it?
But if you decide that your life is indeed worth it to be rid of this disease, perhaps you need to analyze how you accomplish the 2 - 3 weeks' thingy, and perhaps make a change to that.

b'hatzlachah

WELCOME! You have come to the right place. Check out the dov quotes link in my signature. One of the first posts is "nuclear reset". There are other gems there too.

Your struggle is common. Many have been helped here. Read the handbook. Keep posting. We are listening!

Welcome friend!

Freewill - Your not alone. I think for many of us, each at our own level, can forget how bad this stuff is for us. I once saw a post - I think from Dov - the best way to get clean is to act out. After one acts out they realize - oh my - that's not who I want to be. Dang. Let's get my act together. That's not me at my best. Then we forget and start slipping. The Ice Cream only looks better than the diet because we forget how badly it makes us feel when we have it. Two Ideas:

1) Consider writing down what you are feeling when you are just starting a streak and re-read when you are about to fall. It can remind you.

2) Go on to the forum just before you do something you should not, and see how pained people are here. How badly they want to grow. And then compare the choices.

I believe that the ability to stay clean gets stronger, but so does the desire to slip.

There's two parts to this thing we're doing.
The first part is sobriety, the second is recovery.

Sobriety is what you're talking about. Staying clean of the drug.
Recovery is the process of reclaiming your true self and your life. This includes your relationships with family and friends. It can include exercise and hobbies. It can include setting up a new time to learn with a chavrusa, or to talk to Hashem.

The 12 steps provide a framework for what an addict can do to recover.
Will this recovery underway, it's easier to stay sober.
For many, it's the only way to stay sober for the long haul (one day at a time, of course).

Welcome, and much hatzlocha in your journey.
Do keep us posted.