I know it's bad and it does some nasty things up in shamayim. But can someone please tell me why I shouldn't watch it or do it?
I have felt in the past deep remorse after falls but now...nothing- about an ounce of guilt.

When was the last time you were able to tell "it" no or not right now ill do it in 45 min, when you wanted it .
Chances are recently you weren't able to.
so the question to myou is do you want anything but yourself controlling you

Hi Unknown , you said you know it is bad ; also you have felt deep remorse; added to that now you feel no guilt . That is a good sign about your inner system . I mean your subconsciousness is keeping you alive and going by giving you the illusion of you being under anesthesia and blocking your real feelings and emotions by feeling guiltless. Todays no guilt feelings did not take away the knowledge of it being bad , did it ? Or your past remorse , it didnt go away . It looks you have surrendered in totality to your deplorable situation of "watching" and "doing" without putting up the minimal effort to stop. So after i "psycho-analyzed you the great news is that you have a lot of hope getting out of this mess . In fact maybe your situation is not that bad . Learn more about this site GYE and what it has to offer you and start working on this today ! Hatzlacha !!

Welcome,
It is difficult to recover when we wanna recover; it is super difficult when we don't have that want.
It is not for us to convince you to stop; the people here are better at helpin' with the tools of recovery.
Perhaps you should speak to a Rebbe, Mashgiach, mentor, parent , or someone you trust, and ask him these questions.

b'hatzlachah

I think you need to tell us why you shouldn't do it. I lusted because I wanted to and I stopped because I wanted to, with God'd help. I wasn't going to stop because of what anyone told me or what anyone else wanted. Sounds like aside from the aveira and damage to [your relationship with] Hashem that you are otherwise fine with it. So I guess if your fine with that, then you're all set. I guess my question would be, why are you keeping any of the mitsvos? If you are keeping them because you believe in them, then why wouldn't you want to keep this one? For me I wanted to keep this one, but I could never overcome the lust. Eventually I just gave up and started a progression of dropping the rest of my religion as well. Eventually I realized that the lust was hurting me. In addition to my religion suffering, my family was suffering, I was losing time, wasting time, spending money, hurting my success at my profession, not spending time with my kids, not learning, not going to minyan, having a low self esteem and I can go and on. Now it's your turn.

Hatzlacha!

Unknowngye wrote:


I believe that you do know why we shouldn't do or watch these things, it's only hard for you to agree and make the change cause it's going to be very hard. (It's a fact)

About your feelings and guilt - After we do it over and over there is NO feeling anymore!!!
It turns into an URGE that leads to an URGE that leads to an URGE.... till we die or recover.
I hope you choose the later one and I wish you lots of success:) .

Here is a mashel that I just read that says a lot about what you are saying.

americanenglish.state.gov/files/ae/resource_files/to-build-a-fire.pdf

Why shouldn't you feed your lust?

Can I be blunt? (thank you)

You have no life if porn is controlling you. You mamash have nothing.

You do nothing and you accomplish nothing.

But perhaps you are not looking for a reason. Maybe you know all the reasons. Perhaps you are looking for something to jumpstart your recovery. The probelm is that if you don't make the decision to start recovering no ammount of "reasoning" will do it. There will not be a drasha, kumzitz, speach, sefer that will make you change. Getting caught wont make you change either. I had been caught multiple times and it helped for a month or two.

So perhaps rather than ask "why I shouldn't watch it or do it? "

Perhaps you can ask, "what step can I take today to move myself in the right direction"

Much love,

Eli

When was the last time you looked at your face in the mirror after having done it, and said to yourself, "wow! what an accomplishment I just achieved."
Do you feel good about yourself as a person afterwards.

Why SHOULD you do it, is the question you should be asking yourself. When was the last time you rolled around in the dirt because, "why not?"

Also, if you are a bachur and not yet addicted, please trust me, it has the potential of literally ruining your life. I am in the beginning stages of addiction, it is totally not worth it. It feels good at the actual moment. However boy oh boy, what terrible pain this can cause you and the people around you, chas v'shalom. Additionally, think about this. Many, people who struggle with this, have tremendous shalom bayis issues if this is not taken care of. I'm sure you want to get married and have a happy marriage.

PLEASE, PLEASE, even if you convinced yourself that you don't feel anything, don't do it.

Also, like others have said, the bottom line is, it is an aveirah. We listen to G-d when he tells us to do things. We know it is for our benefit, even if we don't see exactly why.
Do you consider yourself a devout Jew?

Why you stop using porn and masturbating?

Not because someone you respect and admire told you to. Not because stopping will alleviate guilt. Not to avoid remorse. Not because you think stopping is the right thing to do. Not because you think continuing is the wrong thing to do. Not because it's assur. Not because you think you'll improve the world by stopping. Not because stopping will please HaShem. Not because stopping will bring you closer to HaShem. Not because you'll avoid onesh. Not because you're wasting your time. Not because porn and masturbation can consume your entire life. Not because masturbation and porn could prevent you from finding a wife. Not because masturbation and porn will strain and eventually break any future intimate relations. Not because stopping will improve your relationships with everyone you know. Not because masturbation and porn don't bring happiness. Not because masturbation and porn can lead to clinical depression. Not because masturbating and using porn will lead to isolation. Not because you could come to break the law. Not because you could eventually wind up in jail. Not because your life could be ruined if branded a sex-offender. Not to avoid the potential embarrassment of being discovered. Not because masturbating and using porn can lead you to ignore your personal hygiene. Not because masturbating and using porn can cause you to ignore your physical health. Not to avoid needing to be secretive in order to avoid being discovered. Not because you have to lie to people you care about to avoid being discovered. Not because you could get kicked out of school for using porn. Not because a porn addiction could cause you to lose your job. Not because masturbation and porn cloud your mind even when you're not doing it. Not because stopping will give you a goal to work toward. Not because you'll have increased self-confidence. Not because you'll have increased self-respect. Not because...Not because...Not because...

You should stop masturbating and using porn because you WANT to.

Now why should you want to? I can think of a few reasons

I love to philosophize but I don't think that going there now is a good idea.

Let's just leave it at the physical or general emotional level.
Ask any person who engaged in lust related activities and is now working a serious program.

Do you have more meaning/pleasure/happiness now or when you were acting out?
Is working this personal program well worth the effort or is it better not to bother?

Since we all want the maximum pleasure why not follow what they respond?

Unfortunately, most people begin recovery when acting out becomes too painful for one reason or another. For me it was the pain of my wife catching me. For some it is getting arrested or almost arrested. For some, they just can't take the guilt and shame any more. For each person it is different.

Unknowngye, Where did you go? You put up a post and 11 people gave you of their time and heart and we haven't heard anything back. What's the deal?

Thank you to everyone who replied! Its weird. The day after I posted this I felt like these "me being dis t ant from hashem" thoughts were fading. Its a trick of the yetzer hara. I really do feel stronger now both BeGashmius and BeRuchnius. However I'm still weak, I try as much as I can to be a devout Jew. WhatEver hahaha I know, I try to follow to the best of my abilities, but this while znut business is so hard!!

Welcome back!