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Any1 can relate to me? Issue: Neighbor on my Block
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Any1 can relate to me? Issue: Neighbor on my Block 19020 Views

Any1 can relate to me? Issue: Neighbor on my Block 09 Nov 2014 23:22 #242991

  • DuddyM
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Married happily, with kids blie"h
but neighbor women on my block is my biggest trigger,
by now (after a few yrs)
went a little more then passing on the street (pls don't think the worse)
what should i do?
who can help me?
(details inquired within)
Last Edit: 19 Feb 2015 18:51 by DuddyM.

Re: Any1 can relate to me? Issue: Neighbor on my Block 09 Nov 2014 23:42 #242992

Hi Duddy,
I cannot say that I have a neighbor who triggers me but the trigger is quite irrelevant. The issue is how to deal with the trigger. I cannot think of a better place to search for ideas than this wonderful group. You seem to be new around here so I am sure the administrators will send you a welcome post to help you get acquainted with this site and the wonders it can do for you.
When I get triggered, I call, yes you read that right, I actually pick up the telephone and call one of the friends i met here and share my lustful fantasy with him. I find that by sharing and shining a light on my ridiculous fantasy, the hook of the lust goes away and I am able to continue on with my life and forget the nagging feeling.
If you would like to communicate privately and anonymously, please send email directly to pischoshelmachat@gmail.com and I will respond.
In the meantime, WELCOME TO THE GREATEST PLACE IN CYBERSPACE!
Last Edit: 09 Nov 2014 23:44 by pischoshelmachat.

Re: Any1 can relate to me? Issue: Neighbor on my Block 09 Nov 2014 23:45 #242993

  • cordnoy
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welcome,

what is the question exactly?
should you leave your wife for her?
should you continue with 'other' relationship?
should you sever it?
do you have general issue with lust.
there are others on this site with similar issues.

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Any1 can relate to me? Issue: Neighbor on my Block 09 Nov 2014 23:55 #242996

  • DuddyM
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question is:
how do i get "her" from my mind & sight (pls dont tell me that only option is moving,
yes i have a lust issue since im 15
wonder if there is ANY! with such kind is close issue of a neighbor who can relate to me and tell me any kind of advice

Re: Any1 can relate to me? Issue: Neighbor on my Block 10 Nov 2014 00:23 #243002

  • dms1234
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WELCOME!!!!!!

How often do you actually see her? Can you go another way?

Check out the GYE Handbook and Skep's tips
I am happy to speak on the phone. Please email me at dms1234ongye@gmail.com

My name is Daniel, I go to face to face meetings and I work the 12 steps with a sponsor. 

Re: Any1 can relate to me? Issue: Neighbor on my Block 10 Nov 2014 01:50 #243018

  • ineedchizuk
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Shalom aleichem, Duddy!

Do you want to pursue the extramarital relationship, or not?

Are you satisfied with the level of closeness and trust and happiness in your happy marriage?

Would it bother you, would you regret if you 'did the worst'?

Answering the above may help clarify for yourself what you're really here for.

Keep posting and sharing- it does wonders!

Re: Any1 can relate to me? Issue: Neighbor on my Block 10 Nov 2014 11:28 #243036

  • belmont4175
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Welcome to this wonderful place.

First of all you're courageous for reaching out here and expressing your problems, stick around great first step.

Just my 2 cents of advice,
You have to get to the core issue of your lusting as you mentioned that you do have some problem, she is not the problem, the way you will get to learn how to control and combat your lusting will have an effect on the neighbor problem.

BeHatzlacha
הסיבה שיש דברים קשים העוברים עליך היא בגלל שהאדם חושב כי "אני עומד" שהוא מנהל הכל,
ברגע שיתן הכנעה כי השי"ת מנהיג הכל אז כבר אפשר להתמודד עם הקשיים. שמעתי מאדם גדול

If life is a LEMON make LEMONADE

Thank You Hashem for every moment of Sobriety!

Re: Any1 can relate to me? Issue: Neighbor on my Block 10 Nov 2014 13:21 #243039

  • newaction
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Dear Duddy this neighbor of yours is a חתיכא דאיסורא just like a piece of דבר אחר. Nothing to get exited about when you encounter her . Its the same feeling and appeal you feel when you pass by a treifa restaurant and you look whats on display. The only woman that exists in your world is your wife . We Luster lovers , make this extremely common mistake . When we see her coming we should think to ourselves "there is some big piece of treifa coming up to my eyesight" . But instead , we got used to think " here comes a big WOW ! " . I hope i am transmitting this idea as clear as i can and my intention is understood . She could be a very special human being that if need to , she will have my full attention in the case she will need my help . Otherwise at any other case in my mind i have to eradicate the idea of appeal and change it for what she really represents for me which is a big piece of איסור. Anyhow there is a lot what to learn and share in these forums , the more you share the better for the oilam and for you. Hatzlacha !

Re: Any1 can relate to me? Issue: Neighbor on my Block 10 Nov 2014 19:55 #243059

  • DuddyM
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thanks for every1 not an easy struggle.

going back to my 1st question,
Can Someone Relate to this?
Did some1 here ever had such an experience

Re: Any1 can relate to me? Issue: Neighbor on my Block 11 Nov 2014 01:08 #243089

  • DuddyM
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any1 home?
any1 has any suggestions?
real options?

Re: Any1 can relate to me? Issue: Neighbor on my Block 11 Nov 2014 01:21 #243091

  • MendelZ
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The only real suggestion is to get to the underlying issues that make other women so attractive that we can't handle it. Of course, women are attractive. But some of us, myself included, become obsessed. If you can't control yourself with whatever normal people do to guard themselves, then I would look at why I find another woman to be such a big deal. (Assuming that she is not doing anything to get your attention.) She's just a woman, with a family, going about her life. Just like you, me and everyone else. No big deal, really.

There are plenty of attractive women who live near me. I minimize any opportunities I have to see them and I don't spend any extra time where they are. Not acting out my lust for a while (no porn, peaks, masturbation, less lusting after my wife) helped tremendously and I now can pick my kids up from gan without hyperventilating at the sight of the ganenet and without feeling like I should have all those women who were picking up their own tzoin kadoshim at the same time as me.

Ultimately, I think its about a mind change - looking at something within ME as the reason I lust, not HER. She isn't your problem.

At the same time, I feel for you very much because I know how painful it is to want something that we cannot have. Hatzlacha in finding what works for you!
אלא יש לו לייחד כל מעשיו לשמו הגדול לבד, ולא ישתף עמו דבר אחר
That's the goal. The key to everything. Working on it, bs"d.

Re: Any1 can relate to me? Issue: Neighbor on my Block 11 Nov 2014 01:28 #243094

  • DuddyM
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wish i can make "Shift+Alt+delete" on the last few years of looking, (shhhhhhh texting & Chatting)
wish i would of never started
please understand that by now its much harder

Re: Any1 can relate to me? Issue: Neighbor on my Block 11 Nov 2014 01:31 #243096

  • MendelZ
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I hear you.
I don't have any experience with chatting. There are many here who have. If I were them, I'd comment here and describe their journey...AHEM!
אלא יש לו לייחד כל מעשיו לשמו הגדול לבד, ולא ישתף עמו דבר אחר
That's the goal. The key to everything. Working on it, bs"d.

Re: Any1 can relate to me? Issue: Neighbor on my Block 11 Nov 2014 02:48 #243100

  • belmont4175
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DuddyM wrote:
wish i can make "Shift+Alt+delete" on the last few years of looking, (shhhhhhh texting & Chatting)
wish i would of never started
please understand that by now its much harder


So as you are describing there is something more to it than just seeing her in the street, you need to be very open with yourself, are you ready to suffer forever like this or do you want to break 2 families, if you pursue eventually you will get caught, and as you came here instead of going elsewhere shows that you really don't want but its very hard and tempting, so dear friend reach out for real help maybe talking to someone (I am not experienced just trying to help), make some drastic changes immediately so that you get the ball rolling.

Day by Day KOT
הסיבה שיש דברים קשים העוברים עליך היא בגלל שהאדם חושב כי "אני עומד" שהוא מנהל הכל,
ברגע שיתן הכנעה כי השי"ת מנהיג הכל אז כבר אפשר להתמודד עם הקשיים. שמעתי מאדם גדול

If life is a LEMON make LEMONADE

Thank You Hashem for every moment of Sobriety!

Re: Any1 can relate to me? Issue: Neighbor on my Block 11 Nov 2014 03:02 #243101

  • DuddyM
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tzadik the thing is that i know that if i wont do constructive ch"v, i will loose my whole world (not talking bout "oilum habba) ill break ch"v 2 familys, wife kids, parents, and all my friends. and i know that when and if the ball will roll ch"v down it will lead me to destruction in full, might end up the the GWB leaving my car there alone ח"ו, thats y i came here to plea and ask from ppl who had similar stories and issues for real good honest advice.

with tears D
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