Singularity wrote on 13 Feb 2017 07:59:

It's usually located in the groin region.

Amen Amen.

Thank you everyone for your kind wishes. 

The bris will be Thursday in the Midwest, USA  

strugglingguy wrote on 13 Feb 2017 16:15:

If I'm in the area, I will try to attend iyH.

Mazal Tov!

So at the expense of sounding like a whiner (like my baby son sometimes --

it's hard post-birth in terms of tashmish ... the gemara says that a bris is 8 days bec wife can be tahor after and parents can both be happy --  but of course nowadays it does not work like that ... 

but yes, i have to realize that i do not need a release - it's all my head, etc.

last two nights i have read p*** and m********d

Sorry youre having it rough. Maybe next time reach out for help before giving in.

Hashem Help Me wrote on 22 Feb 2017 20:59:

Giving in! What do you mean?

He said what he watched and what he did during the last 2 days.

strugglingguy wrote on 22 Feb 2017 18:27:


I have to imagine that even back then she wasn't necessarily in shape to jump back into bed seven days in.

I remember my struggles shortly after the birth of one of my kids – boy did that feel miserable. Acting out so shortly after the birth when I had so much to be thankful for really made me feel like a sick addict.

Hashem Help Me wrote on 22 Feb 2017 21:41:

Yeah, I was asking about your terminology of "giving in." It didn't seem too empathetic either...

Shlomo24 wrote on 22 Feb 2017 23:17:

Sorry if my choice of words was not the best. What I was trying to convey was that after abirth can a very challenging time due to the normal stress the simcha presents. Also sometimes we feel hopeless due to the extended off limits time. Reaching out to a chaver in a moment of distress may be helpful.

Workingguy wrote on 22 Feb 2017 22:56:

Sorry to hear, from both of you

I like to give it a good amount of time before I act out again, haha. Enough time for that euphoria of gratefulness to subside.

Perhaps there's a higher level of honesty what you guys did. I'm not faking dveikus, screw that. I am an addict and I'm gonna act out erev 8th day!!!

I'm not saying do so. But for me I was kidding myself. Worst words of an addict:
"Oh, BH! We had a baby boy! What a reason not to masturbate!"

That's the first thing I think of? How selfish :-)

Singularity wrote on 23 Feb 2017 07:28:


Yeah, the selfishness is astounding. Like a selfish monster took over everything normal we know.

strugglingguy wrote on 22 Feb 2017 18:27:

Look, strugglingguy...You are a fine person, I am sure, but I know you for years since you came on the site (and maybe even before that) and we have PM'd a number of times over the years so I have the right to an opinion. Besides, being a New-Yorker I arrogantly believe I have the right to an opinion (and can immediately honk my car horn at every light that turns green and scream obscenities in Italian, as well). And now to the serious part...

You make light of whining in your post. But I think that whining has a positive aspect to it. I realize that whining isn't solution-oriented...but at least it does indicate that something is bothering the person doing the whining. So I say that deserves some (little) respect.

So we can see that you are not entirely happy with using porn and having sex with yourself for the past two days. 

But besides the fact that you are whining about it and not entirely happy with your choices, what evidence do you have that you are actually trying to learn how to live without it?

I bet none at all. Tell me that my sincere assumption is wrong, please. Please!

You have been posting here for years. Maybe you have had some real improvement - I do not know, but will believe you if you say you have. And if you have then great! But if you are doing worse or are still essentially the same as a year or two ago, then I wondered why you imply in your post that you are 'having a hard time with staying clean' and even whining about it (which I admit does mean something)?

But then I reread your post.

You wrote, "it's hard post-birth in terms of tashmish." And you explained that the wait for sex is unfortunately a lot longer than the 8-day d'oraiso wait, nowadays. You are saying exactly the truth. What is hard for you is not staying clean. What is hard for you is getting enough tashmish. Getting enough sex is what you see as your problem, your struggle. I will now bet that at your core, you believe getting sexual satisfaction is absolutely essential. And I'd bet that you also believe as a dovor poshut that your aspirations of staying clean can only have a chance of success provided that you are getting enough sex to offset your hunger. 

But chaza"l say something funny, and the experience of perverts like myself actually bears this one out in practice: "Eiver koton yeish b'odom: mar'ivo - sovoh...masbi'o - ro'eiv." Less indulgence allows your penis to rest and relax - life is ok without constant sex after all, and it gets even easier to live without it then. And the opposite is true, too: The more I try to 'finally get what I want' or 'get enough', the less satisfied I will feel and the more I will come up with new 'needs'. And this phenomenon of increased hunger with indulgence is not even referring to sex maniacs, but to normals! Kal v'chomer is this true with lust addicts or the porn-perverted (you and the rest of us GYE guys).

What do you say to that, old pal?

Oh, and mazel Tov. Please consider this post from me our belated baby present!   

My last post was accidentally deleted so I am rewriting it 
Thanks, Dov. I will re-read and respond. but i am in a post lust phase right now so cannot really think. The points appear valid as always and on point and I would like to explore them further.

I spent an hour on lit p*** and the m******d in the shower. I am acting reclusive in my apt, just wanting to be alone. I am no longer going to 12 step meetings - too lazy. also not yet connected with a potential sponsor, so have to do that 
​my job is stressful so maybe I use that as an excuse.
giving a shiur tomorrow in shul and taught torah today to 4/5 graders (nothing too high level trust me) - but what does this all say about me?
good shabbos