Remember: It's all about making the right choices as they come up. Awareness is an important thing. Try to be aware of what you are doing and then make the right choice from there.

Beating ourselves up is only detrimental. Give it up.

One thing that I am coming to learn is that this is not a straight smooth path. It is not like once we decide to quit we just climb forever.

It is a windy road, a bumpy road, occasionally you will get stuck or go off course. All that is normal. The important part is that even when things get rough you have to keep on truckin. It may seem like the road took you all the way back to the bottom. But if you really look hard you will see that you are still miles above where you started.

Keep going one mile at a time, and always use Hashem as your GPS, and you will be fine. Also remember you have a whole gang of people in the back seat ready to get out and help you push if you get stuck.

Eli

tryingtoshteig wrote:


I really should, shouldn't I?

The problem is, the YH keeps telling me that it's no big deal, there are no consequences, and no one needs to know. The problem when Im about to fall is that I listen. And then I cant reach out either.

My point is - if I do decide to reach out, then I have already defeated YH. Or at least Im not listening to him. My problem is the inability to defeat him. Once Im listening, I am already beyond the ability to ask for help.

skeptical wrote:


Are you sure? If I feel horrible about this now, and beat myself up and suffer for a few days, I might remember the consequences later, for next time the temptation is there.

MBJ wrote:


I am actually very aware that I have made great progress since I started. A fall like this 6 months ago wouldn't have made me feel bad at all. I would just shake it off and think that "oh well, failed again, let's try again", and that would happen a few times a week. Now I am horrified at what I almost did.

On the other hand I cant let it affect me too much. I have had a lot of stress at work with the financial year closure, my studies are piling up to a close deadline and exams, and my wife has trouble at home with homeschooling our four kids and keeping up the house, especially since I cant help out as much as she would need. She knows I cant do more than I do, but it is still hard on her, and I appreciate that she tells me instead of keeping it in. I have had a bad cold for a couple of days, been very tired (stayed up to study till 1 and 2 o clock two nights in a row, got up at 6 for work)... it just piles up. If I let this affect me too much psychologically it would not be good. I need to get into the game and do what needs to be done.
I got a very generous bonus from my boss for all my extra work, I will probably get good grades on my studies, so it really all pays off. Just another week of this craziness and the pace will go down a bit.

Yesterday I bought chocolate for my wife on my way home from work. "No reason, just because I love you". I am guessing the actual reason is that I feel bad that I cant help out as much as I would want to, plus the almost fall... which she doesn't know about.

I have also noticed - lots of great sex from the wife does not make the sobriety better. It makes it even harder, and much easier to fall. I had an almost fall just hours after... Right now it's "dry spell" because she is usually asleep when I come to bed, so it's my fault. I am causing this dry spell because of my hectic life, but right now I cant really do anything about it. Except buying her chocolate.

Ok, sorry, that was meant as an answer, and instead I randomly blurted out everything I had in me... bear with me, guys. It's good to know you're here. I will really try to post here next time BEFORE a fall and not after an almost-fall.

thatguyoverthere wrote:


Always remember those words you just said!!!!

I strongly relate to those feelings you expressed, I think that is what is meant by "an allergy to lust." Meaning, once I start to think about it, to give in even a little bit, the allergic reaction starts and it quickly starts to spiral out of control.

If I keep in mind that I have a nasty allergy to lust, then I will not even start to get close.

thatguyoverthere wrote:
Don't think about it. Just pick up the phone and call when you are in danger even though especially becasuse you don't feel like it. In other words, JUST DO IT!

thatguyoverthere


One can only serve Hashem with happiness. When we're in a down mood, we tend to go further down.

Forget the past and keep moving forward!

Feeling a lot better now. Wrote about it on the BB forum. Huge victory yesterday!

Today, after dark with the kids in bed, my wife left to take a walk, and left me alone with a computer without filter. She didn't even think about it. Neither did I. Victory!!

Question - are there recorded mp3 files of those phone conferences, or of lectures? Or an audio version of the handbooks? I walk over two hours every weekday, to and from work, and I think this could be good stuff to fill my ears with.

You wrote in part:

"Today, after dark with the kids in bed, my wife left to take a walk, and left me alone with a computer without filter. She didn't even think about it. Neither did I. Victory!!"

That is a great victory!

Indeed that's a great victory. I also read your BB post. Amazing! KUTGW!!!

Here's a link to a page with a bunch of recordings of guest speakers on DC's conference calls. https://guardyoureyes.com/dc-guest-speakers/category/guest-speakers

This page has links to recordings of shiurim on Shmiras einayim. https://guardyoureyes.com/component/zoo/item/windows-of-the-soul-group?category_id=159

There are a lot of free AA recordings here: silkworth.net/freestuff.html

The Joe and Charlie Stuff and the Sandy B stuff are popular.

Ok, I fell.
Well, not really, but sort of.

Basically I deliberately looked up bikini photos in my facebook app. Thing that wouldnt do anything to me a few months ago, but that are now powerful enough to make me fall.
I erased the facebook app from my phone and decided only to use facebook on the computer with my wife around. My wife thinks it would be a good idea to see it as a fall and start from zero. Even if it wasnt really a fall, psychologically I will take it more seriously and make sure to avoid it next time if I start from scratch.

So here I am now. Back at day one. Shavua tov.

hi shavua tov!

sorry to hear about your slip(you said your not sure its a fall). i could tell you ive been where you are its a terrible feeling i know .
your wife has a point but in past telling myself i fell kept me down in the fall for a few days till i got myself back up.
so maybe just keep on moving as is. try to figure out what will be most productive for you.
so brush your self off and keep up the good work.
shavua tov!

You're not back at day 1.

You are at Day-Whatever-It-Was-That-You-Were-Up-To +1.
You're not back where you started, you're further ahead than when you started.
It's like going on a journey: If the car breaks down at Milepost 3, you're still at Milepost 3.
Get back up and keep on moving!

Hatzlacha!