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TOPIC: Tryin' 266018 Views

Re: Tryin' 03 Dec 2014 06:21 #244500

  • cordnoy
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and we love it!
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Re: Tryin' 04 Dec 2014 14:02 #244598

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There are so many nooks and crannies in these neighborhoods.
Most of them - with coffee...thank God!
Ya' meet all types of people from many different backgrounds.
All with the stated desire to recover and to live a life of sobriety.

Ringin' in the streets of Geulah and Me'ah She-orim; from every store, every car, every passer-by......"Ani omeid, Ani omeid, Ani omeid."

b'hatzlachah to all.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
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Re: Tryin' 08 Dec 2014 15:47 #244821

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From the second step:

When we were new in the program, many of us were puzzled by this step's implication that we had been insane. From acknowledging our powerlessness to admitting our "insanity" seemed an awfully large leap. However, after being around the program for a while, we began to understand what this step was really about. We read the Basic Text and found that our insanity was defined there as "repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results." We could certainly relate to that! After all, how many times had we tried to get away with something we had never gotten away with before, each time telling ourselves, "It will be different this time." Now, that's insane! As we live the principles of this step for many years, we discover how deep our insanity actually runs; we often find that the Basic Text definition just scratches the surface.

When we are an 'itim cholim, itim shoteh,' who is givin' us advice?
Who is the one drivin' the truck?
Can we trust ourselves?

I don't know about you, but I certainly can't!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

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Re: Tryin' 18 Dec 2014 01:53 #245319

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No Comment Necessary

The above is a link.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
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Last Edit: 18 Dec 2014 01:54 by cordnoy.

Re: Tryin' 21 Dec 2014 17:14 #245467

  • cordnoy
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Interestin' thought on Shabbos.
During R"C bentchin' I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on one thing that I wanted to ask For; I began the ask, and I said to myself: Am I really connected? Does He really have any intention of answerin' me? Why should He? And I thought right then of Belmont's words (perhaps it was in a pm or email), where he said: "You (Cords) don't have difficulty in believin' in God (and hashgachah pratis); you have difficulty believin' in yourself."

Somethin' to think about....
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
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Re: Tryin' 22 Dec 2014 00:53 #245483

  • Shmeichel
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hittin de nail on de head
when going forward gets tough, its merely a sign that you are going uphill, just give more gas
put your sobriety first; before your wife, before your kids, before your avodas HaTorah (except for the 3 that are יעבור ואל יהרג) Without sobriety you won't have any of those things!

Re: Tryin' 22 Dec 2014 08:41 #245495

  • cordnoy
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As we wish a refuah shleimah b'karov to one of our dear chaveirim on GYE, I couldn't think of a more befittin' post, from a fellow who bleeds GYE:

ZemirosShabbos wrote:
there is a Chasidishe story about a fellow who was traveling and in an inn along the way a tremendous nisayon presented itself, similar to the nisayon of yosef hatzadik. he started weighing his options, being seriously tempted to just give in and do the deed.

Saying to himself "how will i be able to face the RBSO after doing something like this?" he thought, forget it, i will give up on Yiddshkeit r'l.

Then he thought "what will i say to the Rebbe when i come to him after doing something like this?", so he said to himself, "forget the Rebbe, i won't go to him...".

"What about my wife and kids? how will i face them?", so he said to himself, "i will run away from them as well."

Then he though to himself "How will i face my good friends and buddies?....."

He jumped out of the window and ran.

When he got to the Rebbe later, the Rebbe told him "Friends can do what a Rebbe and a family cannot do...."
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
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https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
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Re: Tryin' 22 Dec 2014 14:51 #245497

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see? thats the power of GYE!
when going forward gets tough, its merely a sign that you are going uphill, just give more gas
put your sobriety first; before your wife, before your kids, before your avodas HaTorah (except for the 3 that are יעבור ואל יהרג) Without sobriety you won't have any of those things!

Re: Tryin' 22 Dec 2014 23:08 #245506

  • gibbor120
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Thanks Cords, you have a knack for digging up old gems!

Re: Tryin' 23 Dec 2014 00:02 #245509

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Pleasure.

Hence, the signature: O Fishel Thread Bumper

(TTG means: Thanks To Gevurah - it's his name)
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

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Re: Tryin' 23 Dec 2014 03:46 #245530

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I wrote today:

At any time in my history (spannin' several decades) - if anyone would've asked me: Does God care about what you're doin' (actin' out, other relationships, clubs, movies, etc), I would have answered: Yes, He does, and I still would answer that.

But.....

If one would ask me now, "Does God care that you are in recovery?" I am not so sure of the answer.

Why would that be?

Now, I have, I think, the beginnin' of the answer, but not completely.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
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Re: Tryin' 23 Dec 2014 10:25 #245558

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I guess I would have answered the same as you at most times in my life, that yes I believed God cared when I acted out (in similar ways to yours). The exceptions to this belief would have been when I was a young teen and just becoming frum. I was only thinking in asay tov and wasn't really thinking about what God was thinking about the negative stuff. And more recently, I numbed myself for a time (or at least tied to) so that I stopped thinking about God for awhile. In both those exceptions, guilt was either not present or numbed. As for now, if I didn't think God cared about my recovery (and I'm not sure I think that way), I would say the difference is, my belief that He cared about my acting was founded in guilt and not in emunah. Now that I am in recovery, I don't have guilt driving my emunah and I may not think God cares about it. I do think that over all I still am fairly numb to God, at least to the God I was taught about in Yeshiva. Though, the more I am in recovery the more open to Hashem I become.
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.
Last Edit: 23 Dec 2014 10:28 by serenity.

Re: Tryin' 24 Dec 2014 08:11 #245619

  • cordnoy
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The question I asked my therapist today:

Seemingly, there is a distinction between a sex/lust addict and a predator. The addict is interested solely in indulgin' himself with all types of 'so-called' pleasures, but he stops short of preyin' on others. [Why that is, and how one could accomplish that? I'm not one hundred percent sure, but it seems to be true.]

Accordin'ly, let us go back to the age-old discussion of objectifyin' the objects of our desire. It is somethin' I never quite understood, and when it was explained to me, I usually disagreed. The theory seemed to be that lookin' at women, starin' at them, fantisizin' about them, etc. is somewhat similar to invadin' their privacy; we are stealin' from them perhaps; we are degradin' them in some manner or fashion. Now, puttin' aside the factor that I disagree with this line of thinkin' - if it is true, aren't we then involved and practicin' a predatory action? We are indeed molestin' them - in this type of manner. If so, the first kasha becomes stronger; what is the difference between a lust addict and a person who takes advantage of others - which will eventually lead to abuse and molestation?

And I was/is/am the guy who told/tells people to stop the hell thinkin'!

Oh well....
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
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Re: Tryin' 25 Dec 2014 22:22 #245764

  • cordnoy
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Skep....on his Trademark thesis, called "Positive Programmin'"

skeptical wrote:
Hurt, anxiety, depression and the like are very often underlying causes of resorting to porn. It could be an argument with our wives, money worries, or a host of other things that get us down. We use porn like some people use tylenol when they have a headache - temporary pain relief and an escape from things that hurt to deal with.

What we need to do (even, or especially, at times when we're not being challenged) is to work on positive programming. We do that by being aware of the good things we have in our lives, thanking Hashem for them and by telling ourselves that we are much happier being clean (and that resorting to that other stuff doesn't really make us feel better - it makes us feel much worse after the fact.) When we fortify ourselves with these positive messages, they surface when we need them.

Dealing with the issues behind the arguments, usually by communicating more effectively with our wives, can help make these instances less frequent thereby making our relationships happier and stronger, taking away the need to escape.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

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MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Tryin' 25 Dec 2014 23:36 #245769

  • gibbor120
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My understanding is that a woman is made up of many things. There are layers of Neshama, Nefesh, Personality, and finally her physical makup.

Now imagine giving your wife an expensive piece of jewelry and she can't stop talking aobut how much she likes the box. Ouch! That's a potch in panim. (You can imagingn giving her a painting and she loves the frame - same idea, especially if you painted the painting yourself and bought the frame!)

When we focus on the physical part of a woman, we are focusing on the box, the packaging, and we are degrading what is so much more precious - all the other things that make up her essence.

It can go in reverse as well. One of the fellows here has a wife who is a sex addict. We would think he should be really happy, but he is not. His wife treats him as an object to get her fix. That is degrading, and demeaning to him. He feels that she does not care about him, She just needs certain body parts of his.

As far as the difference between addict and predator. I'm not sure, but I'll give my guess anyway. They may be 2 totally different addictions. The predator may need to control his victim. So his need is different from an addict. I suppose if the addiction is strong enough, an addict can attack someone, but it would be rare. Whereas, for a predator, the predatory behavior is part of his "addiction".

Just like we have different fettishes that we are "addicted" to, and they may be very different. A predator has a different "fettish" so to speak than an addict.

Just my thoughts.
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