A lot quicker than in July

GrowStrong wrote on 09 Apr 2017 22:35:

I beg to differ.

AI letter I wrote to rabbi taub at ami magazine over a year ago:

Good morning Rabbi Taub,

Firstly, as a senior member of guard your eyes and one who has been involved in recovery for several years, allow me to thank you for the hundreds of people you help bring closer to sobriety. Your insight, suggestions, and recordings are constantly used and applied by many, and it is extremely productive.

I read your response last week to the girl in her twenties who was recovering from an internet abuse addiction. I appreciate your thoughtful and eloquent response, and it may very well be the correct one.

Allow me please to present a slightly different spin on it, but first, let me tell you that I am speaking solely from experience. I am not a professional at all, nor do I have any psychology background. I have been similarly addicted for several decades and have been involved in active recovery for several years. B"H, by the grace of God, thru the help of therapists, meetings, friends, 12-step-program, and to the wonderful chevra of GYE, I consider myself sober - for the moment. I work with tens of addicts on a daily basis and I conduct a call several times a week, where we actively work the 12-step-program, in addition to other methods.

What I have found, in myself, and by others, is that the urges that come about at a later time are not simply the plot of the yetzer, but rather, this is the addiction itself. I am not smart enough to know how the yetzer hara mixes into our addiction, but I do know that the methods of combating the yetzer hara are not the ones that work for us. Many of us have tried learning more mussar, speaking to our rabbeim and mashgichim, devoting more time and dedication into our tefillah, but to no or little avail. We needed to learn how to live life again. We were and are a selfish bunch, and we are part of a group which harbors resentments, we are extremely self centered, unusually jealous and very isolated. The steps taught us about connection - to God, our spouses, family and friends. It taught us to live outside of ourselves. And yes, the mussar, tefillah, Torah and mitzvos mean much more to us now.

So, to my point, if an urge happens upon us now, I/we understand that we did not vanquish the dragon. It is alive and well within us. But we learned that at those times, we need to reach out to God, our sponsors, our group, or friends to help us weather the storm. We use the tools of surrendering, praying and bringing the lust to light in order to suppress it. The moment we think that we have this beat, and we in fact are not powerless, but rather, we are powerful, and the urge is simply one of an ordinary person's yetzer hara, is the moment that the dragon will rear its big ugly head and ensnare us once again.

I wish her hatzlachah, and I wish all fellow strugglers continued hatzlachah in their recovery.

Thank you again for what you do.

C

Beautiful letter. Did he respond?

Hashem Help Me wrote on 23 Apr 2017 19:41:

Thanks.

No

Beautifully written.

Informative while very respectful.

Class act

Well written!

Perhaps GYE chevra should write a collective letter.

It's time to party like it's 9999

VayimoaaAAAaaaAAAaaaAAAaaaAAAaaaain!!!!!!

II had an email exchange today with DuvidChaim.

I was also on his call today.

I recommend it to all - that is, if you wanna learn how to live life. If you merely wanna figure out how to lock your zipper, don't bother; the call is all about livin' life.

On this topic, I'd like to paste an email I received from a fellow: if any of you readin' this know how to copy a link and send it to Guard, please do so. This is great stuff for a GYE email.

Yesterday I went to speak to someone. I went armed with a little pocket-sized blue book, and a few papers of work that I had done. After a quick hug, we started getting down to work. 3 hours later, I walked out. A new man. It was nighttime here in eretz yisroel, but the sun was shining bright. My new life was just starting. I took a deep breath, smelled the flowers, and said "selicha" to the grey 
striped cat that was blocking my path.
I was finished my own personal pesach-cleaning, now its time for me tt leave the slavery of mitzrayim and move on.

For all of you that still don't know what I'm talking about, yesterday, I went and did my 5th step. I have never felt a feeling like I did when I walked out of Duvid Chaim's apartment. I felt on top of the world, a free person. The people who I had resented for whatever reason, I now wanted to do something for them. At that moment, Hashem made a flower store appear in front of my eyes, I went in and bought something for my wife. No expectations and for nothing in return, just because I love her. For the 
first time in our life together, she appreciated a romantic gesture. And it was a red rose no less, something she always told me she hated (they didn't have anything else). Its now on display on our dresser.

Since I walked out of that apartment, every thought, every sight and every action has been preceded by a thought "am I doing this looking through the right pair of glasses?"
I saw the sky grey, I saw my life black and I saw my future bleak, all for one reason: I was wearing sunglasses. Duvid Chaim spent 3 hours ripping those glasses off my face, and putting on a new pair of glasses. This morning, the sky was a beautiful blue (its not snowing here in eretz yisroel), my life is amazing, and right now (here's a biggie) I don't care about my future.
Looking past at my previous posts, I can thank Hashem for sending me to do the 5th step at the exact time that I needed it. I also davened for one thing this morning, "please keep me thinking along these lines, so that I 
may better serve you and be a pleasure to be around".
 I'm sorry to all that I was bitter to, Cordnoy, MBJ etc. I wasn't in a good place. Thank you all for your constructive criticism, may Hashem bless you with ALL that you need. Peace out y'all!!!
Today is the first day of the rest of my life.
Ad kan.

Tell Guard that the title of the post should be: I wear my sunglasses at night.

The above was written to me over two years ago. I reached out to that fellow yesterday and engaged him in conversation. He told me that he hasn't felt anythin' close to that feelin' in over two years. Serenity in life was not a top priority for Him right now, for a variety of reasons.

that sucks. 

But it's a sober reminder of life's ups n downs

Share: my Google searches aren't turnin' out pretty (or maybe they are, and that's the problem).

As is written: regardin' lust, I had to keep takin' mini-inventories. Whenever I felt some experience, image, memory, or thought was controllin' me, as was often the case, i would brin' it to the light, sharin' it with other people. Get the air and sunlight on it. Lust hates the light and flees from it; it loves the dark secret recesses of my bein'. And once i let it lodge there, its' like a fungus and starts flourishin' -- the athlete's foot of my soul. But as soon as I brin' it to the light exposin' it to others, the power it has over me is broken. Light kills lust.

And since the third question in the daily renewal is as follows:

3. Are you willin' to do whatever is necessary to protect your sobriety for the next 24 hours, includin':

a) rigorous honesty

b) prayin' to God

c) callin' on others

d) forgivin' all resentments

e) refusin' all hits as toxic

f) readin' literature

g) maintainin' an attitude of gratitude

I commit to all of the above please God.

Very interesting explanation why sharing slips and urges works. Shedding light on it. Thanks. Always saw it worked but never understood why.

cordnoy wrote on 04 May 2017 13:08:

Thank you.  It hits home.
An extremely useful and practical post