Welcome, Guest

How to deal with Keri?
(0 viewing) 
A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.
  • Page:
  • 1

TOPIC: How to deal with Keri? 470 Views

How to deal with Keri? 06 Jun 2013 02:40 #208490

  • chachaman
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 211
  • Karma: 10
Shalom Chevra,

Baruch Hashem I think I'm 17-18 days clean, and I'm trying to take things one day at a time.

With that being said, however, it is very frustrating to have at least 3 keri incidents a week while I am asleep. It feels as if the progress I have been making is undone; the next day is difficult, because of effects from my dreams.

Aside from trying to guard one's thoughts and being shomer einayim during the day, does the chevra know of:

a) strategies to stop keri?
b) helpful attitudes for how to view keri?

Also, I'm a bochur (as some of you know already), if that makes a difference at all.
Last Edit: 06 Jun 2013 02:41 by chachaman. Reason: Cogito ergo sum

Re: How to deal with Keri? 06 Jun 2013 03:11 #208491

Hello
Try learning before you go to bed, but I mean really delve into it, think about it while in bed. maybe think about an unresolved question, or review the different opinions etc.
Just a suggestion,
hatzlacha rabbah
I know it can feel really bad after a Keri
But it is an accident, and it is normal. if you really feel bad or unclean go to the Mikva.
We are not fighting the YH as a process to get through in order to be able to get back to normal life; the fight wih the YH is the essence of our existence - Hopeing

Re: How to deal with Keri? 06 Jun 2013 03:17 #208492

  • skeptical
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 1118
  • Karma: 78
Don't dwell on it.

Like all things that have happened in the past, we need to let go of things that happen in our sleep as well. It's done, it's in the past. Just let go and move on. The progress that you have made until then was not undone.

The next day's difficulty will disappear if we don't dwell on it.

Hatzlacha!

Re: How to deal with Keri? 06 Jun 2013 03:23 #208493

  • gevura shebyesod
  • Current streak: 1248 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 4178
  • Karma: 505
A well known Segula is to say the first 4 kapitlach of Tehillim just before you go to sleep.
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."
"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."
- General Grant


My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: How to deal with Keri? 06 Jun 2013 10:38 #208507

  • Blind Beggar
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Not a sexaholic, just trying to be good.
  • Posts: 780
  • Karma: 12
You have some good answers here, Chachaman. It's natural and normal. Go to the mikva the next morning, say Tikkun Klalli and don't worry about it at all.
The Blind Beggar is a character in Rebbe Nachman's story of the Seven Beggars.
If I view a woman as an object, I am powerless over lust, but I don't have to look.
I can guard my eyes.
I want to guard my eyes.
I do guard my eyes.
Why do I say these four lines?

Re: How to deal with Keri? 06 Jun 2013 15:21 #208510

  • zvi
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 224
  • Karma: 11
Life’s a mountain. You just gotta keep climbing…

Re: How to deal with Keri? 06 Jun 2013 17:54 #208515

See Kitzur Shulchan Aruch chapter 151 - paragraphs 4,5,6.

Hatzlacha

MT

Re: How to deal with Keri? 06 Jun 2013 18:11 #208517

  • gibbor120
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • NEVER EVER GIVE UP!
  • Posts: 5251
  • Karma: 166
Don't worry too much about it. It is a very common problem. Stay focused on recovery, and it will solve itself for the most part. Work on those things that you CAN control and IY"H everything else will fall into place.

Re: How to deal with Keri? 06 Jun 2013 18:59 #208524

  • mr. emunah
  • Current streak: 121 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1139
  • Karma: 43
Methinks that the more you are worried about it the more it happens.

try listening to a shiur in bed (but an interesting one)

(with earbuds)

try sleeping with tzitzis

(i used to gaze at my tzitzis before closing my eyes)

don't keep metal or dirty objects under your bed.

Check your mezuzas? (maybe)

sleep with a kipa

(na nach kapelach are best)

Make a short personal prayer before you go to bed,
" Hashem, you created me, you know my Yetzer Hora, my nature and my struggles, even though I am undeserving, and maybe I don't desereve things shelo Kderech hateva, please keep me clean, and save me from Keri, so I should be able to serve you with joy and come closer to you."

and when you come through the night clean, thank Hashem for it!

also, when I was a Bachur, long shabbos afternoon naps were recipes for disaster. sending me on a wild goose chase for an open mikva

Re: How to deal with Keri? 06 Jun 2013 20:19 #208530

  • some_guy
  • Current streak: 2975 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 320
  • Karma: 10
Disclaimer: I am not completely sure about what I am posting. I will research it better and then re-post.

I remember Rambam listing foods to avoid to help with this. I remember it was in one of his medical works (to the Sultan maybe ), but I am not sure which one. I think it said to not eat eggs or red meat. Also to not to eat dinner too late, because your body needs to finish digesting before going to sleep. I hope this helps. I will go to my shul's library and find the exact book. I will post again when later when I am sure exactly where it is from.

--some_guy/Elias/Eliyahu
My Rabbi always gives me the same advice. "Be happy. The world is good. Just be happy."

Re: How to deal with Keri? 06 Jun 2013 20:26 #208532

Kitzur Shulchan Aruch (see my previous post) mentions those foods to avoid.

MT

Re: How to deal with Keri? 06 Jun 2013 20:53 #208537

  • jewish jew
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 359
  • Karma: 10
It is a Segula from the Shelo HaKodosh to say the first four chapters in Tehillim before going to bed and the Ari HaKodesh says to wear Tzitzis by night.

I disagree with those who wrote you should say the Tikun Haklali for one reason, it is not that I do not believe in it (who am I to say that) but it may make you feel that you need to fix what happened. If you were a normal healthy human being then I would say, say it, it does not hurt. However, someone who suffers from the sexual subject will feel that he is fixing and that means it is a fall, albeit minor, but something that needs amending. That is bad because it lets you down and it feels bad, which can lead to worse.

My opinion is, Keri can happen and happens to (almost) everyone. Just forget about it, try making it not happen but if it comes along just wipe it out!

Yitzchok
The opposite of addiction is not sobriety, it’s connection
Last Edit: 06 Jun 2013 20:56 by jewish jew.

Re: How to deal with Keri? 06 Jun 2013 20:57 #208539

hi some guy.

you probabley mean הלכות ערב יו"כ both in the רמב"ם & שו"ע
I need to remember that:
I'm no a bad person; I'm sick.
I'm not A Choteh. I'm A Chole.
It take time & effort to stay sober but it worth it.

Davening to hashem to keep me sober 1 day @ a time since יום ג שבוע של יום-הכיפורים ו תשרי ה'תשע"ד 
10 Sptember 2013

(and to keep this date)
  • Page:
  • 1
Time to create page: 0.55 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes