Dr.Watson wrote:


Yes, of course.

It is a start.

A humble start, yes, but a start.

And since when is a humble start, a bad start?

And why do you ask such a question at all? Do you think the way out of the trashhole you have shoved yourself into will be the shiny, pristine way marked by obvious good sense? Just drop the shock and accept that truth, man.

If it is true about you, then Hashem has known it all along. No reason to fight.

OK. And now what?

I don't know, Dov. I don't want to accept my shortcomings. I'm struggling with that concept to be honest.

Dr.Watson wrote:
Accepting the truth about yourself is really the first step. If you don't do that, you have no basis for recovery at all.

gibbor120 wrote:


But I want to create a 'better' truth about myself.

I don't feel that my past is me. Just because I haven't davened with a minyan much in the past doesn't mean I want to accept that as a part of me. I want to be a better me tomorrow.

Dr.Watson wrote:
I didn't say that acceptance was the goal. It's just a starting point. A VERY important starting point.

If you want to sit down and make a budget, do you first say, well I'd like to make a million dollars this year, so let's start there? No. First you take stock of your actual salary and assets, and go from there. You can't get anywhere if you don't have any idea what you really have. Your imagined fortune is of no use at all.

Dr.Watson wrote:


First of all, how about sticking to lust. I didn't accept everything about me, and I am BH sober today. Each thing that I want to work on I have found I need to make a seperate acception.

If it was not saying KRISSH, I needed to accept the fact that I am not going to want to, I'm not going to be in the mood. I needed to make gedarim to remind me, to push me.

Lately, my chavrusah has been telling me that i need to write down chidushim if i want to remember. I told him "yes, I need to, I should.....BUT I'M NOT GOING TO, so why play the game of saying how much I should and feeling bad, let's just put out the facts...I'm not going to!!!" I told him afterwards that if I really felt I needed to I would do something to force me to, but I don't feel the great need.

But if there is some behavior, or lack thereof, that I am upset about, then I need to honestly be able to see what the problem is. Only then can I prescribe something, only then can I really do something about it.

So whether it is getting up for shacharis, or KRISSH, or porn, the only way I can really do something about it is by knowing and accepting that it's a problem.

Short erev shabbos update. It's been a tough week for many reasons and I think the number of falls I've had is a barometer of those things. I want to thank all the people who have helped me this week here and elsewhere and I now realise how much work I need to put into bitochon, accepting Hashem's will, letting go of resentments, having the patience to accept what I can't change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Have a good Shabbos shira. May Hashem open up His path for each of us as well.

Have a wonderful Shabbos Dr!

Dr.Watson wrote:


Exactly why are you talking about accepting shortcomings? Why is that relevant to quitting and getting clean at all?

Do you mean 'shortcomings' as in the steps 4, 5, 6, and 7 of the 12 steps that talk of accepting, sharing, letting go of, and "humbly ask(ing) G-d to remove our shortcomings"? If so, that has nothing to do with stopping, at all.

But if by 'shortcomings' you r referring to your masturbation, lying about your porn and your compulsive sexual stuff...then that's not what those steps are directly about, and I thought you accepted all that here already. No?

Clear me up on this ok?

Dr Watson,

I have been "lurking" on your thread for months. Receiving emails on new posts but not actually going here to write something. Mostly because I don't really know what to write.

I just wanted you to know that I admire you. Most people would either succeed in becoming clean and stay that way, or fail and give up, and leave the forum altogether. You are persisting trying to stay clean despite your many difficulties, and you write about it openly. I admire you for that. You are not giving up, and I believe that will eventually be your ticket to becoming clean, and staying that way.

Feel strengthened and keep on trucking!

*going back into the lurking shadows*

You there, Doc?

hey mr doc,

i too have been lurking. but i wana post and say thanks. you where one of the first people who posted on my thread a couple of months back, and it ment alot to me. it still does.
and it pains me to see you in so much pain and agoney. someone who took time to help someone else when you yourself is in pain, thats the real deal right there.
so thanks, and id like to send the favor back in kind
im not one to eve nbegin giving advise in this inyun. this inyun i liken to having loosing a lost one (stay with me here)
when you go to a shiva house, the reality is, even if you yourself have lost some1, there is not a single word in any dictionary that you can say that will make the person your going to see feel better. but you go anyways, why? because sometime, just knowing that some21 else care,s and i mean REALY gives a darn, means evrything.
so here to. there nothing i or maybe any1 can say that will truly help you. sure we can give advise, and there r many veterans of the war to tell war storys (sup Dov ) but the thing that is site is for is realy more then that. its to show u, (and me) that we are not alone in our misery. we all are, and have been, and are trying to be happy. and that sometimes is all it takes. to know some1 cares.
so here i am saying it. i care

luv ya bro

Hey Dr. Watson, I have to agree with RebYid90 and thatguyoverthere. Just read what they wrote. They have said everything I have to say. Just by coming back here and posting you are proving that you are strong and that you will not let the Yetzer Hara control you.

-some_guy/Elias/Eliyahu

Thank you all for your support.

To those who have left me messages which I haven't answered, I'm sorry. I just don't feel up to it right now.

I'm having a tough time and I feel weak.

I would like to get through a few days without looking at any pictures of naked women, without fantasising about girls in my neighborhood, and without masturbating.

It's bothering me that with all the reading of the Big Book and listening to conferences, I was doing better before.

It's hard to swim upstream.