Wow. Cool.

I always thought it was interesting how Doyle used Watson to tell a story about Holmes. Why didn't he just tell the story "himself" about the both of them? Its davka Watson's perspective of Holmes that he was telling. In essence, all the stories are really about Watson's view of Holmes, rather than about Holmes himself. Just stam a ha'ara.

Also, in the stories, Holmes has no interest in women whatsoever. Not in a lustful sense anyways. They are only worth the cases they bring to him. I guess GYE wouldn't be the place for him to get help.

Bill W...atson?

He sounds a lot like Humphrey Bogart. They are all crazy about him, and he runs away from them. But there is a scene in Casablanca where he is in Paris and he is in love.

Fool.

holmes I think was a sexist; perhaps it was doyle.
it might have represented the culture they lived in then.
he did have an interest in one I believe....forgot who though.

There was only Adler. But its clear that he was only interested in her because she outwitted him. In the stories its made very clear that he had no love interest. Any relationship he ever had with women was in order to crack a case. His extra fascination with Adler was simply because he respected her abilities.

Irene

thanks

I think that I do have RID, resentment, irritation and dissatisfaction. Not because my life is bad, b''H my life is great. Hashem has been very kind to me and given me everything I need. But I think that as I am today, I would not be satisfied with life unless I was a multi-millionaire who knew all of shas backwards, had an important job but also learnt 8 hours a day, and had time for family and the community, single-handedly funded kollelim and yeshivas and revered by everyone who knew me but still able to be humble.

I have such a massive ego. I don't think I'm even exaggerating.

I am a small man.

I think that I do have RID, resentment, irritation and dissatisfaction. Not because my life is bad, b''H my life is great. Hashem has been very kind to me and given me everything I need. But I think that as I am today, I would not be satisfied with life unless I was a multi-millionaire who knew all of shas backwards, had an important job but also learnt 8 hours a day, and had time for family and the community, single-handedly funded kollelim and yeshivas and revered by everyone who knew me but still able to be humble.

I have such a massive ego. I don't think I'm even exaggerating.

I am a small man.

Hey Doc! You hit the nail on the head for me too. I often have RID. But then sometimes I look around and feel pretty good about what I have in my life. So I came to same conclusion you did. Its not that life is bad. Its that my expectation of myself and life is so unrealistic that I end up with RID. When I remember how ludicrous that is, and instead focus on what I am today (what Hashem wants me to be), the RID becomes less gripping.

Thank you for keeping on posting.

since im in the same boat, I can say you forgot....gorgeous, blond/brunette/red-head, knock-dead wife, 5-inch heels, who is willing to......

And then, there will be no reason to aspire to Heaven.

It seems to me that Doc and you hit the nail on the head...sort of.

Wondering why one would be 'driven' to act out their lust, if they are not in pain after all. Interesting point! But for me the answer is this:

'RID' is a term I never heard in SA. Most of us deny we are in pain - except when others hurt us with stuff like getting caught, fired, divorced, or just the wife not wanting to have sex with us. Nu. The religious guilt seems like pain, but lo and behold all it does is get us naked again and masturbating! Hmmm... The old "Nuclear Reset Button".

Guys have talked about learning to love themselves. Self esteem. Whatever. To me, those are 'heichereh madreigos'. Forget about love and self-esteem. There is something much more basic and important:

Most of us guys are just not comfortable with ourselves. When all is said and done, if we could run from ourselves, we would. We call it 'wanting to do Teshuvah'...but it is really just running from ourselves. See how the newbies talk over and over of 'Teshuvah Gemurah', of 'finally stopping and never doing this again', and of 'eradicating the yetzer hora', etc. Extremes are fantasy, not real life. We all want to run, before we start to face ourselves. We think that facing ourselves means condoning the "P* and M*". How pathetic.

Of course, fantasy (whether for sex or for Teshuvah Gemurah) is a natural escape hatch for a runner. Can I look in my own eyes or face in a mirror and smile sincerely? Can I look in my child's eyes and face and smile sincerely? Then why not when I see mine? I am Hashem's child. He sees me and smiles. He loves me even when I am busy desperately masturbating myself on the mathroom floor to porn. He loved me so much back then, that while I was doing that He was busy creating SA and recovering addicts (like me) who would grow up to be my sponsors and mentors to pull me out of the insane lust toilet!

He accepted me exactly as I was. He did not kill me, punish me, beat me, or spit on me. He helped me feel my own pain and created the way out for me. He helped me grow better one day at a time long before the first day I ventured into recovery.

The steps are not about loving myself. They are about accepting myself as I am and taking responsibility for taking real actions of recovery.

Just as Hashem accepts me while I am masturbating, and works to help me get better.

Just a rant?

Up to you.

[quote="Dov" post=221208]It seems to me that Doc and you hit the nail on the head...sort of.

Wondering why one would be 'driven' to act out their lust, if they are not in pain after all. Interesting point! But for me the answer is this:[quote]

You asked a question. What is your answer please? One paragraph please.

Thank you so much

I think I get it. I gave a long list of what I think I need in order to be satisfied. Why? Why do I need all of those things? Why not just be happy with who I am, why the need to be someone else? And what I mentioned is just as much fantasy as porn is. So am I fantasising about being this amazing millionaire talmid chochom as an escape from the reality that I'm neither a millionaire or a talmid chochom. So maybe Hashem doesn't need me to be that. Maybe He just needs me to be me.

I don't know all of shas, but today I learnt one daf that I'd never seen before, so today I did what I needed to do. I'm not a millionaire, but I just finished a nice supper, so today I have what I need. Why create ludicrous expectations of what life should be like and then spend my time fantasising about the unattainable? It's the escape from reality that I get from it, the same escape as porn provides.

Think about it, I see a good-looking girl on my computer screen and I imagine it would feel good to have sex with her. But I can't. She's not here, I don't know her. So I masturbate. But I know that it's not the same as sex, so why keep doing it? Because I can use my mind to pretend I'm having sex with her, that my wife looked like that. Just like I can use my mind to pretend I'm this amazing rich talmid chochom, if only for a while. I'm like a child pretending to be a bus driver. It's cute when you're a child, pathetic when you're an adult.

So I should accept that I'm not rich, I'm not a talmid chochom, I can't support mosdos by myself, I'm not known in the community as a great man. I am how Hashem made me. There's nothing wrong with being a regular guy, having a regular job, having a regular wife, trying to learn a bit, daven a bit, do my best in life, knowing that I can never be perfect but I can be a good regular guy like Hashem wants.

But the concept of the support group is about love. Since they don't throw you out it means it's okay to desire evil. And when you help others you love yourself because you see evidence that despite desiring evil you produce good things.

I find that the help I get out of this support group is that it allows me to accept myself, not because they don't throw me out, but because they are going through the same exact thing.

Before coming here I was the only one in the world with these issues, that's very hard to accept. When I see others accepting themselves, being happy with their lives with this in it as well, it allowed me to look at myself truthfully and it didn't hurt as much as it would have had I had to do it all alone.

Accepting myself with the evil desiers not despite them, would have been close to impossible without this group showing that that is possible.