It was on erev yom kippur after mincha that I got the urge again. Bad. I mean, of all times of the year, those 28 hours between mincha and neilah have got to be the worst time to act out, right? But I was in the shower and I could not shake off the thoughts I was having.
All of a sudden my thinking drastically shifted and I spoke to myself in the following way:
"You know what Dr. Watson, you're right. This is hard, very hard, maybe the hardest things anyone has ever had to do. I mean how does a person completely ignore such strong orders coming from his penis?! It's telling me loud and clear that I have to rub it with my right hand, there's no other way. That's the way it has to be, I can't avoid it, I can't ignore it. How can anyone ever do the right thing in such a situation? It's almost undoable. What I'm asking myself to do is almost impossible and there's no denying that fact. No-one in history has ever faced such a hard thing that they are standing ready to do the aveiroh, they can, they want to, no-one will see them, it won't hurt them or embarrass them, it will be hugely pleasurable and satisfying, and my body is telling me that it has to do it, that is a fact. There's no point denying it, my body's never wrong, it knows what it wants and needs and it's telling me it needs to masturbate. This is the hardest thing ever.
Yosef hatzaddik understands me. He was in a situation where he could easily have done the aveiroh, he wanted to, needed to, his body told him to, it was impossible to resist. Boaz understands me, he had a beautiful woman lying in his bed all night and she wanted to marry him anyway, and his body screamed at him to do the aveiroh. His body needed it, needed the release and the satisfaction of it. And here I am, my body telling me what it needs and it's hard to resist. It's almost impossible, there's no way round it. If I don't do it my body will scream at me until I do, how could anyone possibly avoid this aveiroh?! It's the hardest things in the world to do!!"
And it went away.
For the some reason, I think acknowledging how difficult this is, even exaggerating it for effect, really helps. My inner monologue changed from "for heaven's sake can't you just control yourself you useless rosho", to "you're absolutely right, this is the hardest thing in the world, it's OK to admit that"
It's kind of the alternative blow-it-up method
So even after yom kippur my thoughts are still there, my throbbing is still there, urging me to go and act out, and I recognise that it is hard, almost impossible to resist. If I don't do it I will be in huge discomfort that won't go away and that is a very hard thing to deal with.
Nu-nu.