I graduated from High School last week. Now I walk to Shul everyday and don't have anywhere near the amount of stress that school gave me. Next month I am going to visit a yeshiva. Hopefully, I will be enrolled there by the fall. Everything just seems to be going better. 2 night ago I was self-stimulating, but I stopped myself before anything major happened. I am so fortunate that Hashem is giving me so much strength.

-Eliyahu/Elias/some_guy

Gevaldig!!! It should all go with hatzlacha!!

Was that an answer to my question?

Have a good shabbos!

Have a good week!!

It is 5 were I am. I am 1 hour clean.

Hi Elias,

You wrote before that you were "so glad Hashem is giving me so much strength". Well, I guess He is not giving you that much strength, after all. That's not a put down, in case you were wondering, but just a simple observation.

It is not strength you need, at all. All you and I need is a simple gift of some freedom from our own nutty and useless desires, just for this minute, this day. You and I do not need to be given freedom forever, and not even for tomorrow, and not even for later today! For example, when you go to the bathroom: would pushing a lot harder now give you freedom from having to go to the bathroom tomorrow, or even later on, today? I think not. Right?

This is a hard thing for many GYE guys to accept. They - we - have been bitten by the 'religious glory bug' - we want to be heroes and nothing less. Sad. It's just lust - spiritual lust and self-centered childishness hiding behind yiddishkeit and misquoting a RMB"M or Mussar shmooze they heard long ago that kindled a fire of some sort.

Same thing exact thing here. I am not joking. You can't eat, breath, or go to the bathroom for tomorrow...same with sobriety. Today's sobriety is a free gift from G-d Himself, and nothing I will ever be able to be 'good' enough to deserve. It does not prove my 'strength' and that's it. It just 'is'. And my only credit is that I ask for it - and I accept it. Not much.

And BTW, 'One day at a time' is not a trick of some sort...though many use it that way, as though we fool ourselves that we are just holding on without it for today...silly and useless fooling, that is. We surely cannot hold our breath forever, no matter how hard we tell ourselves "we are only holding it for this minute, one minute at a time" - right?

And all the 'strength' in the world that Elias gets today, will not make Elias 'strong' enough for tomorrow. You seem to be proving that to yourself day after day without my help...nu.

So I ask you to consider quitting the fight to finally be Superman and quitting pretending you are 'powerful' by holding back. I say you are not. You are smart, surely. You are good, surely. Strength you need very little of, to do this. For G-d is the one who does it and you just let Him. Its a matter of humility and calmness.

As long as you see yourself as 'strong', you invite failure tomorrow...not because of 'gayvoh', but simply because it is a lie. But it does indeed require some humility not to lie...

Relax, enjoy being clean today - it is a free gift from Hashem to His beloved child. That is a thing to be very happy about, if you ask me!

Hey Some_guy!

Welcome back!

Perhaps post here, so people can familiarize themselves with your history.

How've ya' been?

Lookin' forward to hearin' more.

Hi. I am just posting this to 'break the ice.'

Welcome back! Glad you broke the ice and bumped your thread back up, you're giving me chizuk!

serenity wrote:


Ahem

some_guy wrote:


Great move!
Most of the fellows here won't remember you, but there's still a few from your time left.

b'hatzlachah

I had a good day today.

I updated my 90 chart a minute ago and discovered that this has been my 6th day clean. I would not say that it has been easy, but it is not nearly as hard as I thought it would be.
I feel great.

some_guy / Elias / Eliyahu

Your problem is not P&M, it is the solution to your problems. And you're right, you need to stop struggling, surrender and stop trying to save yourself, because you cannot save yourself. Lust is cunning baffling and powerful and you have to get out of the fight with it, admit that you are helpless in the face of lust and surrender your attempts at control. You also need to find another solution to your problems. P & M is obviously not working for you, or is it? That's actually a good question. Are you upset that P & M works for you and that disgusts you or is it just not working for you? Is it making your life unmanageable? Maybe it isn't. Because if it isn't making your life unmanageable, and you're just upset that your not a tzadik, then that's just ego.

Today I was lusting. I could not control it myself. Here is what I did: 1. I surrendered to the fact that I cannot defeat it. 2. I said 3 prayers to Hashem to ask him to remove the feeling. 3. I made 4 phone calls to program people and to family. If I would instead tried to fight it, I would have failed for sure. because if I tried to fight it, it means I have to engage it and I cannot engage lust.

We need to forget our selves, forget about our self pity and ego, and get honest and open up to real people.

"Words which emanate from the heart, enter the heart"

Hatzlacha!

I am have been clean for 11 hours. I will come back here in 34 minutes.

- some_guy/Elias/Eliyahu