Hello GYE,

Sorry I have not been posting for so long. I was trying to not use my computer for anything.

I have been VERY well! I don't count the days, but my mood and everything is just so positive. I feel great. Whenever I fell, I got back up almost right away. I hope everyone here has had as much success as I have had. I am using 2 new methods to fight the lust.

My therapist gave me this one. First, you draw a picture of a monster that 'is' your lust. Then take a marker or pen and move it side to side and slowly upwards. You slowly cross out and destroy the monster(lust). When the monster(lust) is completely destroyed, cut the paper into really small pieces. It does not make me feel any different at first, but after the 3rd of 4th time I start to feel better. I just keep drawing and slaying monsters(lust) until all the urges are destroyed.

The second thing I do is very different. After I say the Shema at night, I talk to Hashem. I talk to Him as if he were anybody else. Usually it goes, "Hi Hashem. I had a good day today. Thanks for giving that to me. You even kept all the bad thoughts out of my head. Thank you so much for fighting the Yetzer Hara for me..." I just talk about the day. When I first started to do it, I felt awkward and stupid. Now, I feel a connection to Him. It feels like I am sitting on my father's lap and he is holding me close. My father is not like that. I did't even realize how much I liked/needed it until my rabbi gave it to me. Anyway, everybody who reads this should try it for a month or so. It is really incredible.

some_guy/Elias/Eliyahu

Thanks for sharing!!

KO-"MONSTER"-T!!!!!!!

Interesting. It's what the Mesillas Yesharim refers to as a regularly appointed time of solitude. I write, but what you are doing sounds like a lot of fun.

Thank you and your therapist for the "Monster idea"

Talking to Hashem after the nightime Shema is very good.
I try to do it.
I believe that Chazal tell us that David Hamelech did this.

some_guy wrote:


Sounds like what they call 'hisbodedus'. R' Nosson of Breslov said that if you do it for 40 days you are guaranteed to see improvement.

Hatzlacha

MT

I am so glad you are being open and honest with your therapist, Elias.

Continued hatzlocha, chaver.

Hi everyone,

I have not been here for a while because I had my mother lock my account. I can't use the computer for anything. I am only here now because she let me get on to write an application to a yeshiva.

I brought me father with me to the therapist. My therapist told him about my lust addiction. He thought that I have this problem because I have become more religious. When he learned exactly what I was looking at online, he dropped that view. He have added filters to his computer. I am sure this will help a lot.

I have been good. Yesterday I felt terrible. I was sick. The lust attacked me a lot. To day is a lot better though. I am happy and energetic. I don't count days, but it feels like I go weeks clean at a time.

I may not be able to come here again for a while, so I wanted to let everybody know something. I love you all! If it was not for this website and the people here I would still be depressed and suicidal. Thank you all.

--some_guy/Elias/Eliyahu

Wow gevaldig!! Continued hatzlacha!

That is real progress, Elias!

Hi Mom!

Thanks for sharing! Great to hear!

Hello,

I did not expect to come back here so soon. I still feel good. I hope everyone else has also been doing well. I hope to come back soon, but may not. Stay clean everyone!

--some_guy/Elias/Eliyahu

Hi,

I have been well. I don't feel depressed or worried. I am happy. But I need some advice on a matter I have not talked about before.

I am applying to go to a Yeshiva. I know I will get in. They probably search for smart kids like me. But my rabbi asked me a question, and I have no answer. If I fall in the Yeshiva, what will happen. I can already hear that voice in my head. 'How could you sin here! You are surrounded by books and rabbis. If you fall here, how can you expect to live anywhere.' I don't know what to say to it. The only response I have though of is 'Everybody sins, even here. I are no different than any of the rabbis or students here, or anywhere.' I don't like this response, but I am not sure why.

Maybe I don't want to admit that everybody faces this challenge and almost everybody, including rabbis, have fallen at some point in their lives. I want to believe that the only Jews that fall are lust addict because our purpose in life is to fight this battle. Some part of me does not want to think that a Yeshiva student, who was raised in an Orthodox home and is not an addict, fall at times.

I am not sure if I dislike that defense because of that reason or some other reason. I want to have a different response to that (idiotic) voice. Maybe the Yetzer Hara is tying to trick me, stop me from accepting this truth. I don't know. Sometimes I get inside my own head, doubting if what I want is what I want or if it is what he wants me to do. I will gladly accept any advice, including advice from people new to this site.

--some_guy/Elias/Eliyahu

hi
I recommend
1- say to you "I have the freedom NOT to do as I have the freedom to do" say that to yetzer hara
2- analyse your own emotions when you feel you will fall or have falle,, what's going, what is vital in you?
These two tricks helped me to overcome. Accountability could help also, search for partner/sponsor. I could help if you want

some_guy wrote:
I'm not sure I understand the question... or the point of the question for that matter???

The question was, "What will happen if you (Elias) fall in the Yeshiva?