Yestersday was  particularly difficult - I was angry and the YH had me looking at Craigslist - and all manner of evil thoughts - I went into my garden and began to speak to Hashem - I then remembered reading a post on here about prostrating myself - so i selected a flat spot on the ground and put myself in His Mercy.  I felt like like I could not go on - without some serious help I was at the end.  I went to sleep without acting out.  BH         

Thanks for the reminder!!  I haven't done the prostration in a week, I'm due for a check in.
Did you get bitten by insects?!

alexeliezer thank you for referring me to that thread.
I'm new to gye and I'm not sure what is appropriate to post and discuss. From that thread it seems there was some  negativity towards reparitive therapy and a lot of negativity towards people at Jewish organisations that help people with ssa.  As someone who has been helped by reparitive therapy and by such a Jewish organisation does that mean I shouldn't discuss it? I understand the negativity was about being dogmatic, which I completely understand. I know I don't have all the answers and that what works for me may not work for others. But, at the same time what worked for me might also work for others. I have a lot more to say about that but I don't know if it is ok to discuss on the gye forum.

Eish Emes

I've only been on this forum a year myself.  I think the general hashkafa of the founder is that if something has worked for you, then an open discussion about is is not only allowed, but appreciated.  First and foremost, we're all here to get well.  So if it worked for you, I'm interested.  No one derech is going to work for everyone.  And what worked for one person's situation may even end up being detrimental to another (maybe because it frustrates him and distracts him from what will ultimately work for him.)

Obviously some people have been helped by the Jewish organizations and by reparative therapy.  Maybe because the guys here have an additional layer of pathology, namely sexual addiction, these approaches lead to frustration.

Having said all that, I B"H have never suffered from SSA.  Perhaps those who do will share a different perspective.

But if you do want to share your experience (and I wish you would), consider starting your own thread in the "introduce yourself" section.

Have a great, clean day!
Alex

Hi Eish, welcome to the forum!

Anything related to recovery is Ok to discuss here, as long as it's not too explicit and doesn't degenerate into personal attacks. As Alex said, there are many approaches, and we each share what worked (or didn't) for us, in the hope that others can learn from our experiences. And we have some fun too

As far as the thread you mentioned, I don't think anyone was putting down the therapy itself, just the perception that some people are pushing it for their own ends. Personally, i have read Arthur's book and some other similar stuff, and discussed it with some of the others here. For various reasons I can't go to therapy, and I doubt that at my stage it would do a whole lot, but I definitely found that understanding the principles behind it has helped me in some ways. OTOH I do see that there are those out there who tout it as some sort of "miracle cure", which it is definitely not.

There are a few other guys here who have also had past experience with JONAH or similar therapy, maybe some of them will jump in here and you can compare notes.

Hatzlacha and KOMT!!!!

Gevura!

According to reparitive therapy ,and for me personally it makes a lot of sense, ssa is a developmental issue. I'm very much oversimplifying it, but  a necessary stage of development is for children to establish close same sex friendships. For what ever reason if a child misses out on that he ends up having a very strong yearning for those friendships. During puberty when he develop sexual desire that yearning turns in to ssa. Again I'm oversimplifying and there are many more factors that cause ssa, but for our discussion this is enough. The ssa becomes a taavah just like all lust. But in reality the ssa is the mind trying to fulfill the yearning for a close intimate friendship (non-sexual) with another man. When one tries to use lust to fulfill this yearning it get relieved  for a few seconds, but in the long term the yearning gets stronger. Eventually one get caught up in the lust and not focus on the yearning,  but the yearning still remains.  As long as you don't fulfil that yearning, by developing intimate male friendships, it will remain. So the lust and yearning go hand and hand. The lust is there because of the yearning, and by using lust to satiate that yearning you make it worse. It order to deal with the ssa you need to deal with both the lust and yearning. If you only deal with lust and don't work on developing close friendships, the yearning get stronger and therefore the lust will increase. If you only work on developing friendships and not deal with the lust, it will sabotage the whole process and you won't be able tofufill the yearning for close friendships.
This is basically the theory behind reparitive. I'm still in the early stages of developing friendships, but I already am feeling a reduction of the lust, so for me the theory make a lot of sense. Is it true for others? I don't know. Does reparitive therapy work for everyone? Probably not. I can only speak from my own experience, but this what I found to work.

Hatzlacha,
Eish Emes

I go to Live meetings - talk to my sponcer daily - prostrate myself before Hashem and surrender - learn as much as i can and then I do not act on my SSA -

rontov wrote on 27 Mar 2012 19:32:


DID SOMEONE SAY PROSTRATE???? now we are talking!!!

I don't know anything about this stuff, but the idea sounds very interesting. It sounds very intellegient to try to build the healthy true verson of what the lust really wants in order to reduce the drive for the soothing addictive affect. But again, I don't know anything, so don't mind me.

Hi everybody...

A lot has happened since I last posted a few months (it was months, wasn't it) back...

Unfortunately, I have masturbated many times in the past two months. I have looked at many wrong images and found one very powerful way around the filter, a hole which cannot be closed if I cherish my job, and parental relationship...

Unfortunately, I am considering very strongly the genetics side of this battle, and I don't know how much longer I can hold on to my sense of self as a Jew and not allow myself to slip to the (surprisingly) many men who would love to spend the night with me...

Unfortunately, I have made emotional bonds with men, and lusted after them to the extent that I don't know if I'll be able to unravel my feelings out of their grasp.

Fortunately, I have not fallen any lower than I was last time.

Fortunately, some of my friends have returned from Israel and now know of my solemn predicament.

Fortunately, Hashem cares about me so deeply that he reminds me every so often, and even though the guilt annoys me, it also helps to reassure me...

I have been meaning to post for a while, giving everyone a status update.

My yesser hara has fooled into believing, for a time, that no one cares about me.

Now comes my conflict...

Does anybody know of any true therapy success stories for SSA? Does anybody know how to reassure me it will be alright?
Can anybody please look out for me, and beg me to stop this craziness? Can anybody show me that they love me by reaching out?

Thank you for all your help and love.

Unfortunately, right now, I need more.

Please help out.

Joey

Joey,
My heart reaches out for you. I also suffer from ssa and I'm here for you.
I think the genetic argument is completely irrelevant. Wether we where born with ssa or developed later in life is not important. What is important is to realize that if Hashem says it's assur then there must be a way to overcome it. It might not be easy, and it might talk a lot of work to find the solution, but there must be a way. Also, there's evidence that addictions are genetic, it doesn't mean there is no treatment for it (like the 12 steps) or that it's ok to be an addict. Ssa is the same. Don't believe the lies of the gay activist, and the politically correct media that spread there message.
I've been in therapy for a year now for ssa and I find it quite helpful. I still have more work to do, but I'm certainly much better off. This is just an example, For over 15 years I struggled with p*** and m*****. I have tried so many times to stop. I never made it passed a month and during those times it was like gehnomin. I'm now 157 days clean and it certainly wasn't easy, but no where near as hard as it use to be. It's all a gift from Hashem, but my histalodus was going to therapy. I have meant others who therapy has greatly helped them. I even meant someone who is now happily married, who told me before therapy he had no attraction to women and it was impossible for him to get married. Thanks to therapy he was able to get married and have a normal marriage. Therapy very rarely gets rid of ssa entirely, but it does make it so you can control it instead of it controlling you. And yes it doesn't always work for everyone, but I believe it has a much higher success rate then what the gay activist would like you to believe especially for people who are motivated. It all involves Siyata D'Shmia.
We don't know why but Hashem has given us this challenge. Hashem only gives us a challenge if there is a a way out of it, so there must be a way of overcoming ssa. But Hashem requires us to take action first. You have do something whether it's going to theraphy, joining SA, or whatever. Once you decide what action to take, you need daven to Hashem that what ever action you choose should guide you in the correct direction. The most important think is never to give up and realize Hashem is always with you no matter how low you have gone and how distant you feel from him.
Hatzlacha,
Eish Emes

I'm crying just by reading these posts. I too suffer from SSA and have suffered with it for over 20 years. I feel like a traitor to my wife, kids and Hashem.

So many times have I tried on my own to stop the lust. But like many others have said, there are triggers everywhere.

All I'm doing now is Davening to Hashem for help in this matter. B'H I've been clean for a good few months. I hope to Hashem that it will stay that way.

But, I do believe that I'm just pushing off the inevitable. We probably do need some type of intervention from professional. As others have mentioned, MONEY is VERY much a factor. Yes, we can put aside money for this and that, but you know what, those purchases are usually a one time deal. Who knows how long therapy will take, will it even work?

I'm sending my son to someone because he suffers, like me, from a lust addiction albeit, different (I hope) from me. I would rather HIM stay clean for the sake that he doesn't go through the hell I went and am currently going through trying to control myself.

My financial situation is quite bad, and I really shouldn't be able to afford therapy. I started therapy because I got a large sum of money somewhere unexpected that paid for my first couple of sessions. I benefited greatly from those sessions and continued after that money ran out. B'H Somehow sh'lo be'derech ha'teva ever since we have found enough money.

Before I started therapy, at my very worst moments, I was close to suicide. The only thing stopping me was that it would hurt my family and that it is assur. At my bad moments I was depressed and hated my life, which was becoming more and more often. Most of the times I just went through the motions of life but felt really sad inside. (I wasn't clinically depressed I was just really down about the way my life was.) I knew I couldn't continue living like this. That's when I contacted Jonah, who recommended that I go to therapy. After speaking to several people who either finished therapy or in middle of therapy I decided that was what I needed. Hashem then sent me the unexpected money. I have now been in therapy a little bit less then a year and I have benefited tremendously. I've not been depressed in many months. But even more important I enjoy life. I have a lot of work I need to do, but I look forward to that work. I realize Hashem gave me ssa so that I can become a better person. Therapy is certainty is worth every cent to me.

My point is not to convince how great therapy is. It might not be right for everyone. My point is that if you reached the bottom like I did you need to do something. Whether it's therapy, SA, or something else you have to find what is right for you. Unless you can't afford your most basic needs, like food, clothing, shelter, etc, you shouldn't let money be a consideration. You life is far more important then any money in the world and if you are doing the right thing Hashem will help you financially.

Hatzlacha,
Eish Emes

Thanks for the love guys.

B"h I will be posting up more frequently.

Until next time.

ETTAHLO.

Joey

Joey,
Good to hear from you.
Keep up the struggle, meaning keep turning your lust over to Hashem.
Don't ever quit. These men that want you are just sexaholics that want to take whatever they can.
Relationships with them will only lead to misery, and possibly worse.
Keep calling out to Hashem. This is your life's work. The most important and hardest thing you'll ever do. This is your purpose. You must pass this test.
With love,
Alex