strugglingandstrivngBT wrote on 28 Dec 2011 22:07:


Some things are worth a lot of trouble. Gibor120 is so right, friendships are so precious. They are worth a lot of trouble. I daresay SSBT, that your pining for G-d, your need for the comfort of clarity, and your troubles making truly meaningful and useful friendships are related.

You obviously have a lot of hard-won insight into yourself, your challenges, and your needs - so little I'd say would be a chidush to you. But 'inspiration' is the last thing I'd wish for you. It never lasts.

Instead, I wish for you to discover the meaning of friendship like you never did before, this z'man. I believe that however much you feel close to Hashem, you will feel quantitatively and qualitatively closer to Him, after you finally grow close to some of His people. It is so easy for us to 'feel' deveikus. But who knows what we feel - emotions are so hard to really understand and qualify. But once the template has been struck of some true friendship, kinship, and devotion to real, live, members of G-d's people (friends) - you will come to know Hashem in such a way that when depression happens, you will remain close with Him. You will still know that you are depressed - perhaps even severely, R"l, but closeness to my G-d is not as dependent on my feelings as we are often led to believe.

"Rabim mach'ovim lorosho - v'labote'ach baShem, Chessed ysovevenhu." Chaza"l comment that the pasuk implies that even if one is a rosho - still, if he is trusting of his G-d then Chessed (love) will surround him.

If a rosho can have that, then certainly a depressed person can.

Continued hatzlocho!!

so I wanted to share a maiseh that goes along with your advice.  not to toot my own horn, just to share how right you are.  my shiur had a bechina today, and I spent a bunch of time helping guys chazar for it and one just told me he thinks he did really good.  I feel great about that.  I think this is a step forward in this.  BH I'm still clean, feeling a bit better, and spiritually I'm on my way back up.  thanks for the support and aitzeh.

strugglingandstrivngBT wrote on 30 Dec 2011 04:04:

I'll toot it. TOOT TOOT!  Great! Glad to hear it! Have a good shabbos!

Dear SSBT,

Just curious - no need to answer, for I am a big boy (and I have plenty of Kleenex right here)...but I would prefer knowing:

Are you ignoring my responses to you (such as the one below)? I really put my heart into the posts, be"H. It is an effort for me, and I am not giving lovely advice and stam spouting, but am sharing a piece of myself from inside my very life. I'd be more than happy to do all this stuff on the phone with you in person any time you like, instead, just to listen to you say what you need to say - or better yet, to meet you and listen and talk in person. Iv'e already met about 15 GYE guys - none have dropped dead yet. I want to help, if I can be used for that. That's all. But it is also time-consuming. So...

Just let me know if I should post elsewhere and I'll be OK with that. Just a question. You are free to ignore this, too - it is your thread, chaver.

- Dov

PS. And please Keep On Tooting.

not at all.  However, I am not sure what to do with the information or ideas.  I dont know how to apply friendship to my life.  I never have.  Its very hard for me to make friends and as i posted earlier i am not neccisarily in the most conducive environment for it.  its a slow process anyway.  so while I know your advice is good, its tough to actualize.  i am also in the middle of finals studying and cant focus on my self right now. next week i can, and maybe then would be a good time to talk. so far today I'm clean.  last night i fought a tough battle and came out victorious.  had a good talk with a mashgiach regarding some of my confusion and doubts.  he actually may ut in touch with someone who goes through similar things, which could be good on many levels IYH.  I also have an appt on friday where im going to work through some internal things.  BH things will be going up soon.

Luckily, making friends is a natural and guaranteed result of us making it our business to being useful to other people. That's all. It's not necessarily about sharing ideas, relating to each other, agreeing, or even opening up.

So it need not be that scary, for anybody. No one is really looking, their is no 'failing mark', and nothing serious to lose.

It has little to do with feeling, thinking, or talking. It's all about doing. And anybody can do.

Eventually the friendship develops slowly and surely. He takes care of these things for us.

great, so by making friends I'll be able to let Him help me make friends.  I know that statement makes sense, but it seems contradictory.  definitely not easy...

Don't worry about how easy or hard it is.  Worry about whether you need to do it for your own health and sanity.

Please excuse my lingo here, but if you read my post just above you'll see that I am trying to say that 'making friends' is not about you, at all. It is about saying "to heck with me - can I be of any use to you?" Without abusing ourselves, we look around us for a change, and ask ourselves and others what we can do to be of use to those around us, in our families, in our school. It is only about giving, not at all about getting.

V'sof ha'friendship lavo.

"u'Knei Lecha Chaver", "Buy" yourself a friend. One buys something by giving....

I have a hard time with this too....

dov wrote on 04 Jan 2012 17:38:

I stand corrected  :-[.  I hope you will still be my friend  ;).  I do think that the initial motivation is selfish, cuz otherwise, why do it.  I guess we have to have a selfish motivation to be unselfish or something like that  :-\.

I was directing the entire comment at SSBT, not you, you sweet and heiligeh knucklehead.

dov wrote on 04 Jan 2012 18:20:

That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day  :.

A 'friend' sent me this...

:o :