DAY 9 - CLEAN DAY 2
OK....yesterday and today have gone roughly alright. Now i want just to look at a few pictures thats all and its a click away (even with the k9) what do i do?????????????????/

find something else to do!  you are conscious of your struggle, now make the  choice to overcome!

get away from the computer. ...!  Now !!

(whiny voice) "I just want to looky looky at a few pictures thats all..."  Those are precisely the words of the Big yetzer harah and it works because you are being pulled like a small dog on a chain....

hey, once you start looking at 'just a few' you've lost your bechira my friend, so just shut it off NOW !!

we're here for you but only if you want to work on it.

we are not here to pat you on the back and say go ahead and look....Cmon, GyE has some standards , no??!!!  be a man !!

CLEAN DAY 4
BH Still trucking on, asking hashem to help me day by day

MORNING CLEAN DAY 5
Doing OK still there baruch hashem. it is worst when i am at home with nothing to do.. right now i am on bedrest from doctor's orders and its a real nisayon. i just have to keep myself busy....im writing a book, translating seforim, and household chores. should be alowed out of the house tomorrow and every time a nisayon happens i ask hashem to help me just for this 15 minutes...it works a lot better when you just think about the next short period of time rather than think about the 90 days...i think that really destroys me when i do that.

As for SA they aren't answering their phones and i cant leave a number in case they call and my wife answers..! Besides, i highly doubt that there is a SA in my area...

Keep it up brother you're doing good.. I mean well. 

If there isnt an sa in your area then maybe its your tachlis to create one...

One hour at a time. Then look back and be proud of yourself, wow !! another hour of Holiness...!!

helpme! wrote on 19 Dec 2011 09:45:


Looks like you're getting the idea of "One day at a time"! Sometimes it needs to be "one minute at a time".

KUTGW & Keep on Trucking!

Gevura!

CLEAN DAY 8
hodu lahashem ki tov
bh hashem is really helping me through...i havent been so makpid on doing the chizuk emails but now i will start bli neder.
i am taking it slowly slowly, 5/10 minutes at a time and asking Hashem to help me on the way. i have my ups and downs but bh i havent fallen. i do see that that pull towards the computer when i am on my own is considerably weaker after 8 days of cleanliness. I have had this before...i think i have probably reached 70 or 80 days before, but i always just gave in and told myself 'come on, you havent done it for so long its not such a big deal if you do it once' and i just went with the flow. but now looking back on it i see that the pull wasnt so strong and with a little bit of emunah and davening i could have just pulled through. thats not the case with 8 days ago! Every time i would fall i would then be pulled back into prison, unable to escape the grasp of the computer. and it required a miracle to pull me out. at this stage, i feel that all that is required is a little bit of faith..

about making a SA group in my area..how does one exactly go about doing that and still remain anonomyous?

btw...i have to admit that i am still lazy in contacting the filter gabbai to block all websites except for ones i dont need. i hope to overcome this..

and thankyou very much for all your support..its means a lot to me

You are not lazy, its your desease that doesn't want it to happen.
Beat it!
With much love and support,
Mottel.

10 days gone and still clean... 8)

R Yid, I deeply admire you and I am in no position to judge, but the 3 hours you sat by the computer clearly proves K9 is not enough, you need WebChaver, it is essential! You would have saved yourself all that aggravation had you installed webchaver. You clearly want to do the right this (as you say with the filter gabba) so go all the way.

Be strong!

After 14 clean days i fell. I was home alone unexpectedly and the computer just called me. i prayed and asked hashem to help me. As a matter of fact the last day or two were extremely difficult. and i learnt a heck of a lot about the GYE methods. i didnt just ask hashem to help me for a day or an hour. i asked hashem to just let me learn for a few minutes. after that i asked hashem for another 30 seconds. after that happened a few times i asked hashem to at least allow me wash and eat a little bit. after that i begged hashem to let me bench. and so went a day or two. in fact i really felt that i passed through a nisayon i would not have been able to do 2 weeks ago. after doing this a few times, i started to feel that i was not asking hashem merely to take my lust for a minute or so. i realised that i was asking hashem for a few more minutes of LIFE. True control over my actions doing what i want to do. e.g. i had bad thoughts when walking down the street. i asked hashem to take my lust away for a few minutes. i started thinking constructive thoughts. about how to help the struggling bochur in my shiur. a few minutes passed and i asked for some more. i began going through material i had to teach in my head. i began to see that i was really asking for life. i then began asking hashem if He could give me just a few more minutes of living. this chanukah whenever i said val hanissim i had in mind the nissim Hashem is doing with me

nonetheless i still fell. and after one clean day i fell again this morning. the first time certainly begins a chain.

My trust in the Almighty has to be strengthened. i have to know that Hashem can help me in all cases. perhaps the problem is that i fall because i think 'there is know way hashem can help me now'. So, in addition to help i am getting at GYE i have taken upon myself, bli neder, to learn shaar habitachon in chovos halevavos to learn how to totally put my trust in hashem that He can take me out of the shmutz and give me life...just for a few minutes, and then another few minutes, and then another few minutes......

hi helpme, Have you done anything else to help yourself other than learn mussar?  Has learning mussar helped you in the past?

helpme! wrote on 15 Dec 2011 09:50:


Your sharp description captures the problem as it really is, at least for me. Yet I am clean one day at a time, for years today. My life was in the toilet for over a decade - yet it is now the way I wish it had always been..actually better. There is recovery, and hope for a good life when you are ready to give up the BS. I also understand that when I am in it, nothing else matters - Torah, shmorah, job, my health, family...all useless and weak, weak, weak.

If you are ready, you can get help. I hope you keep opening up here and elsewhere with safe people and do not accept pats on the shoulder, but really take some steps to allow yourself to get better, be"H.

You are a lucky guy, right now. Go with it.