I've experienced something very similar to the situations you've been put into. I use to love watching all those teenage girl movies - still do actually. But I continue to watch them eventually I've been cognizant of the fact that these girls are just not permitted to us. If we really believe that these girls are "prohibited" and restricted it might help you just not think about them in that way or even just shut the movie off.
I've been watching these movies for practically my whole life and now im into my 20's. It's just not worth it to suffer anymore and have these feelings of want and lust for these women.
Hatzlacha!!

Emuna17,

You're a young guy with a lot of energy.  If you're bored, get out of the house and go do something! 

Go for a jog.  Running is great exercise, very good for your health, and it's easy to do anytime that you're bored.  You will lose weight, gain muscle, and have an outlet for that "sitzfleish", that feeling that you just gotta so SOMETHING.

Also - cold mikvah.  Find a mikvah, preferably a cold one, and dunk. 

If you can't get to a mikvah (lake and ocean are also kosher mikvaos), then take a cold shower.

When you start to get excited about doing something you know is wrong, you can actually feel your body getting warm (from the adrenaline, the body's response to anticipation of pleasure)

Cooling off can help you keep your "cool".

Combine cold mikvah (or shower) with physical exercise, and maybe a little more time studying for school (limud kodesh and / or chol), and you'll be fine.

Reb Emunah - I think you answer your own question, as far as which movies you should watch. If a movie is causing you to fantasize, then it's probably not a movie you should watch.

And from the sound of it, pretty much all the movies you want to watch would make you fantasize in some way or another.

emunah, its a problem many face they want the good feelings girls will give them and the love and compassion they will have. but in truth you have to give back and its not all about love, and compassion. of course there is but in the movies they always try forgetting about reality. shes probably not that fun to live you life with. There are many fine frum girls you will give you real happiness

tryhard wrote on 15 Sep 2011 14:43:

um, hopefully just one 

yes one for each of us but i think we all want a nice frum girl so there better be enough to go around:)

It's the great guys that are in short supply.  Not on this forum of course.  Here they are in abundant supply .

much better way of looking at it. hay at least we are trying the best!!
have a great shabbos

Emunah17,

99% of the time when you watch a movie it as an escapist behavior. It is a way for you to escape the real world in to the imaginary world. That is never a good thing. So regardless of whether there is attractive women or not, ask yourself "why am i watching this movie???"

gibbor120 wrote on 16 Sep 2011 13:00:


I always wonder whether I'll tell a girl who I want to marry that I used to do P&M. Just so there's complete transparency.
I think I'll tell her that she'll be lucky to marry someone who admits to it and has been clean for a while. Otherwise, she's taking a chance that she'll marry someone who is still doing it and has not done all the amazing work we're doing!

kidushashem wrote on 19 Sep 2011 17:49:

I would get some good advice before you decide what to do.  I don't have any good advice, so I will just stay silent.

I tend to agree weith gibbor on this. You want to marry an emotional wreck tell her. Girls when they get engaged do not think that they may be marrying a luster.

Your past even though it is your past can really hurt her. And hurt her a lot. So before you think about doing anything in the name on having a completely honest and open marriage ask someone you respect who may have some experience in this.

Best!

ninety

I'm not an expert or anything, but I feel that if you are truly and completely over this, and there is no chance that it could come back and affect you, then there is no reason to tell. Would you tell her about every filling you got on your baby teeth?

OTOH if it's still an ongoing issue......

Gevura!

i have to agree i wouldnt tell her because it will just cause undo pain to her

Gevura ShebYesod wrote on 19 Sep 2011 18:53:


I guess each situation is different, but I will share my personal experience because it might be a chizuk. When I was dating my wife she noticed that I guarded my eyes. Every other guy she had dated without thinking had let their eyes roam. I didn't because I was working on my addiction, hence, working on my Shmiras einayim. After a few dates she complimented me on my shmeris einayim and I explained to her an outline of my struggle and how I was fighting my desires so as to be a healthy person etc.. Although I didn't fully explain my addiction, and she didn't fully comprehend, she later told me that it was at that moment that she was overwhelmed with respect for me. Even this very day when she has a much more comprehensive understanding of my gruesome addiction, she still has the upmost respect that I am fighting it and being honest about it. So, although it might not be a good idea for everyone, you should not think that under no conditions can you tell your wife.