Shalom everyone
                  I can't stop watching teenage love stories.I cant stop watching movies in general I'm bored.And after I watched a certain movie I couldn't get the girl out of my head.So much so that I spent half the night trying to find out if she's jewish and then I'l  hook up with her somehow.B"H I couldn't find out but i don't think I'll be able to hold myself back from searching again.I've found hints that she is jewish and I cant stop fantasizing. If I find out she's jewish I know I wont stop till I contact her.And I keep on thinking why not? If she is a Jewess (which I think she is) then whats wrong with hooking up with her,helping her become frum and get friendly and when the time comes maybe marry her .I just cant get these crazy possibilities out of my mind.
                  Plus isn't there something about having some exposure I mean is it okay to watch some movies rated pg or cartoons like spider man.Whats the Geder?

Click here for an article about watching movies. (If after reading this article, you still insist that you can't give up movies, click here for a prayer to recite before watching a movie).

This prayer is Gevaldig

I've printed out the prayer and have it next to my computer but should I say it even before watching a cartoon? I mean it does help but shouldn't I give myself some options so that I wont fall and just watch a horrible movie?

What can I tell myself when I get a desire for that girl?

that prayer IS gevaldig indeed. I'm gonna go and assume it was written by Breslov chassidim. I love them.

emunah17 wrote on 01 Jul 2011 17:06:

tell yourself that she is just an actress and in real life she is probably a low life bec look at all the actresses out there they can't hold a marriage for more then a month!! they think they are gods gift to looks and expect to be treated like that! there are plenty of great good looking frum nice girls with good middoes that hopefully you will marry. But you should fix yourself first bec if you think that its all the looks the when you meet a better looking girl a day after sheva brochoes what are you going to do then????

BTW R' Guard that tiffilah is awesome!! thanks!

Am I allowed to want a good looking girl to marry? Just that shouldn't be priority, right?

Emunah -

You want to know what is wrong with hooking up with that girl. Well the thing that works for me is trying to put some logic into the equasion.

Girls on TV. movies, and porn look PERFECT. They do not suffer from anything physically, mentally, emotionally, and they seem like they are pretty well off financially.

The truth is far from it. These girls like everyone else get their periods, have mood swings, suffer from interpersonal relationships. In addition they all have some mor issues that you dont know about. How about depression, anxiety, or something less noticable like syphilis.

I am just saying that they are not what they appear on TV. Get that through your head and you will see them in a different light.

When I was in high school there was also a movie star that I thought was absolutely gorgeous. Recently (I did not look her name up) I read that she checked into a mental hospital for bipolar disorder. Its funny because on TV she looked like it was not possible for anything to be wrong with her. (and generally when someone is bipolar they were that way for quite some time.... so in all likelihood when she shot the movie I saw she was sick already).

Put intellect into it! It really helps!

ninety

emunah17 wrote on 01 Jul 2011 17:30:

of course you are allowed to marry a pretty girl and should marry one that YOU think is good looking, seeing all these "plastic" actress gives you a distorted image of what pretty is. It shouldn't be that before you date a girl you have to make sure she is drop dead, you have to like the way she looks. But if you go into it with the attitude that i want drop dead then you'll never find her, and if you do and marry her for that you'll regret it down the line bec having a living caring wife is what makes marriage so great and yes you liking the way she looks adds to her over all beauty but that's not the main point.

Girls! Our favorite topic!

Listen friend, I've been where you are.  Looking at various girls and becoming obsessed with them.  Actresses, neighbors, colleagues, coworkers, the checkout girl.  It doesn't stop.  Later it can be wife's sister, wife's friends, daughters' friends.

There's one cure and one cure only.  Don't look.  I don't care what the rating is.  Don't look at their faces, their hands (see mesilas y'sharim), their clothes.  If the cartoons have attractive girls in them (you can be sure they're not tznius) don't look at them either.

Sounds impossible?  It's not.  How you're living now is impossible.  It's misery.  I know.

The images will fade, the obsessions will die.  Your mind will be free.  Nothing is sweeter than freedom.

Be free!
Alex

THANX GUYS YOU'RE THE BOMB you guys just stopped me(sort of) from watching something bad.Listen to this Hashgacha I asked my mother if she could open our netflix account and she did, I wanted to watch a teen love-story BUT IT DIDN'T WORK and it was working a whole day.Then I came onto here and you took away my desire. thank you so much and I thank Hashem from saving me this 1 time.
  A GUTEN SHABBOS TO YOU ALL  emunah17

Hi Emunah,
Your post took me back 25 years when I used to watch TV and lust after all those perfect, perfect, perfect, beautiful girls who were so happy and fun. How I wanted to be their boyfriend and go out with them and be happy.
Not much has changed in the last 25 years except that I don't watch TV any more and I now use GYE and SA to get out of my lust and into real life.


Hatzlocho in your struggles to be a good Jew.


Blind Beggar

Glad to hear you went a day without.
One day at a time.  One temptation at a time.  You can always say 'no' this time.

Shteig on!

Hi Emunah I read every one of your posts!!!

Its totally normal (especially in teenage years) to have these thoughts, desires, etc.

Someone once told a great Mashgiach (I think R' Chatzkal Levinstien) that girls don't "bother" him... The Mahgiach replied by asking this boy for his mothers name so that he can daven for him!!! If he's not attracted to girls he must not be well!!!!

Another thing to keep in mind is that desire itself is not wrong at all In fact with the woman you marry it is a big mitzvah!!!!
You'll get a chance for all the love you think about, with your wife!!
It is only wrong when misplaced.
It is for our benefit that Hashem instructed us to stay clean till marriage!!!!!

And there is nothing wrong with marrying a good looking girl. In fact it is osur to marry someone before you make sure that her looks are not displeasing...

After everything said and done the Torah prohibited getting involved with indecency for our own good.

Another thing to keep in mind is the following:

Rav Wolbe Ztz"l, one of the foremost baalei mussar of our times, in his Sefer "Psychiatry and Religion" (Pg. 82) suggests cultivating a combination of religious and social fulfillment to help our youth beat this big challenge. He writes:



The difficult phase of adolescence is fertile soil for feelings of guilt, especially for religious youth. Masturbation is a serious prohibition. Yet almost all youth stumble in this and are unable to find the strength to overcome this in any way. The result is feelings of guilt. This is where wise guidance from Rabbanim and Mechnchim becomes so necessary. As is known, a Rav is not licensed to "forgive sins" and surely not to permit the forbidden. However, he can guide, calm and bring the youth to acceptance of himself. And together with that, to cultivate  an intensive social life and help bring the youth into the vast wealth of Torah, which can arouse in him a deep thirst to acquire and grow in Torah. As our sages have said, "Torah is good with Derech Eretz, for the toil in both makes sins be forgotten". In other words, the toil in Torah together with the toil of cultivating a thriving social life, brings to a situation where, over time, one forgets to sin. Instead of waging a constant battle - which is hopeless, through the positive hard work in Torah and a social life, slowly but surely, the youth will recover from masturbation. This is the conventional path of Chinuch that is accepted today. Yes, Torah life needs intensive chinuch. Without chinuch, there is no escape from youth sinking into feelings of guilt and despair.