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The Contradiction

"Eye.nonymous" posts chizuk and advice to someone who fell and was feeling down:

GYE Corp. Tuesday, 24 January 2012

The Yetzer Hara plays awful tricks on us. He tells us: YOU CAN'T STOP, YOU'RE UNDER MY CONTROL, YOU'RE ALL MINE!

Then, right after we act out, he turns around and gets us to believe: IT'S ALL MY FAULT! IT'S ALL MY FAULT! IT'S ALL MY FAULT!

See the contradiction? We'd never let a maggid shiur or a chavrusa get away with a blatant stirah like that, but we believe everything the Yetzer Hara says! We let it totally destroy our self-confidence.

For me, I learned a big chiddush from the handbooks--if we don't act out, WE DON'T SUFFER ANY HARMFUL PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS. We won't blow up.

Part of the solution was knowing this. And I thought FOR SURE, without a release of pressure at least once a month that I'd blow up! This, I now see, is totally false.

On the other hand, we are struggling with a powerful addiction, so we should be proud of any signs of progress, and not be angry with ourselves because we're not perfect yet.

And, the second statement of the Yetzer Hara (that it's all our fault) is also false. Did you try to stop yourself? Usually we do, but yet we stumble. We're not fully equipped yet to stay clean. So, if we tried, though we failed, it could be this battle WAS beyond our capabilities. As far as G-d is concerned, perhaps WE'RE NOT AT FAULT! Just stick with GYE and read through the handbooks again. Something will click this time that maybe didn't click last time.

I have found it very helpful to analyze each fall--why did I fall? What was I thinking before hand? What was going on in my life? Discover what triggered the fall.

And, absolute honesty is essential. At first it was painful for me to post on the forum "I slipped," or "I fell," again and again. But, the brutal honesty is what eventually led to my recovery (in-progress). And brutal honesty includes other things as well, like-"I REALLY DO NEED A FILTER!" Or, "I REALLY SHOULDN'T BE SEARCHING FOR SUCH-AND-SUCH!"