Friday, 23 March 2012

Powerless

by Anonymous (See all authors)

Day 57! WOW!

I wanted to share a few things that "occurred" to me over Pesach.

Those of you who have been following my journal know that I am working on abstinence from food addiction as well. Over Pesach I was surrounded with food and guests and the works. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to "escape" into my addictions... Addiction for me is an escape method from any emotional thing that is happening in my life - either big or small. I admit that I do not like to feel uncomfortable in any way shape or form, and so my Yetzer Horah wants me to think that escape is great!

Do you know how I survived and still have my abstinence through all that turmoil? When I had this overwhelming thought in my mind "oh my goodness, I don't think I can do this" I reminded myself that it is HASHEM who is keeping me abstinent! It is not my "power" anyway, so why worry?! As soon as I brought Hashem into my mind and realized that Hashem is the one who is holding me up, I was saved! Baruch Hashem!

I don't know if this is making any sense to anyone else, but this is what worked and keeps working for me. Taking the first step of the 12-Steps over and over again:
"We came to believe we were powerless over (a particular addiction) and that our lives have become unmanageable".

Secondly, I came to realize that with the addiction we are all working on here, I have now a much easier time pushing aside any thoughts that pop into my mind. I would contribute that to the amount of days I have abstinence. I think the first 30 days were the most difficult and now it is noticeably easier. Emotionally, I had BAD withdrawal symptoms for the first 30 days (you did not want to be near me... I give my family a lot of credit for putting up with me!). My subconscious was MOURNING the loss of my addiction! I NEVER thought that this would happen, but it did. I am so glad that it is over now! And I am also glad that I knew I may have these symptoms in advance, so I was able to understand what was happening to me and that it will pass!