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Live only in the moment

GYE Corp. Wednesday, 25 April 2012

"Habib613" posted on the forum:

I'm starting to feel the yetzer hara following me around, telling me how disgusting and fake I am. I am trying not to let it get to me. I am fighting.

GYE Replies:

Never let the Yetzer hara tell you that you are fake. Chaza"l say that Moshe Rabbeinu was wondering in what merit the Yidden could leave Mitzrayim, since he had seen that they were steeped in the 49th level of impurity. So Hashem showed Moshe Rabbeinu the burning bush to show him that even when a Jew is bare as a thorn bush, he has a burning fire inside him. And no matter how low a Jew falls, he always has a great holiness and yearning deep down that is just waiting to burst into flames. The moment a Jew decides he wants to become better, he becomes alight with a flame of G-dliness.

And listen to this: Chaza"l say (in Kiddushin), that if a Rasha Gamur marries a women on the condition that he is a Tzadik Gamur, she is indeed married to him since we say that maybe the Rasha had a thought of Teshuvah when he made the condition. Do you realize what this means? This means that with ONE thought of sincere Teshuvah, a Jew can turn himself from a Rasha Gamur to a Tzadik Gammur!!

"Habib613" replies:

That's really interesting actually - that one thought of real teshuva can turn someone into a tzaddik gamur. The only problem is, we are always doing to teshuva - admitting, regretting, resolving never to do it again. I myself have done it countless times. But I always went back to my old ways. I truly feel like a faker. On the outside everyone thinks I'm erlich. But on the inside though, there is constant turmoil, a never ending fight between physical desires and a desire to serve Hashem. Liars are a to'eva (abominable) to Hashem, right? Well I am a liar, in every sense of the word. I am trying really hard to make my life into a life of Emes (truth), but for the time being, it's still a lie. And so I feel I am disgusting to Hashem.

GYE Replies:

Chas veshalom to think you are disgusting to Hashem! Hashem loves you more than you can imagine. And the truth is, any human being that is not a Tzadik Gamur still has Sheker inside them. As long as the Yetzer Hara is in our hearts, as long as we don't live every second with full Emunah, as long as we don't spend our every waking minute serving Hashem with all our beings - we are, in a sense, liars. All of us are embroiled in a "never ending fight between physical desires and a desire to serve Hashem" (as you so eloquently wrote). That is why Hashem created humans as opposed to only creating Malachim. He created the Yetzer Hara for the purpose of us being able to grow. And it's all worth it in the end for people like you, Jews who are genuinely yearning to break free of the Yetzer Hara and come closer to Hashem. That is the whole purpose of all this sheker, because there is nothing as beautiful in Hashem's eyes as that.

The first step to becoming better is "Hakaras Hara" - recognizing the bad. Most people don't even recognize it and therefore never even take the first step. Hashem has granted you vision to see the bad, recognize it, and cry out that you want to LEAVE it. That is already a high level.

I just saw this past week in Rav Tzvi Meyer's sefarim on Hischazkus (parshas Shemos - Shovavim) that sometimes a person didn't even have full bechirah in the past, and his sins were like a "Shogeg" (mistake) . But the Yetzer Hara always tries to make him feel that his "Shogeg" was a "Meizid" (purposeful) so that he will get down and give up hope.

Never let the past or future concern you at all. Live only in the moment. If that is the ONE thing you learn from the entire GuardUrEyes network, it will have been worth it.

Hashem understands how hard it is. He put you in this struggle so you could learn how to love him truly, one step at a time. And each time you make a new push for it, each time you do any small thing to try and get holier and break free, it gives Hashem tremendous nachas ruach and it does much more than you can imagine in helping you to ultimately break free forever.