Mind-frames

by GYE (See all authors)

There are three different mind-frames that one can use when he is faced with a strong challenge in Shmiras Ha'ainayim or Shmiras Ha'bris . Each person can choose the one that works best for him. There also may be times when one way will work better for you than the other ways, so it is important to train your mind in all three frames of thinking.

Mind Frame 1. Tell yourself there is nothing there! It is all air, a big bubble of the Yetzer Hara! True, it looks so tempting, but as Chaza"l say, "a woman is but a barrel of excrement, and her mouth (allegorically) is filled with blood - and yet all run after her!". And know, that even as a person sins, he is asking himself what he gains from this, what is so amazing about this?! Rash Lakish (who was once the head of the robbers), writes in the Gemara that the desire to look at women is much more than the pleasure of the actual deed itself!". The minute a person has had his few second pleasure, all the fantasies and arousals vanish like smoke! The bubble pops in his face! And how theYetzer Hara laughs at him, for he has given away his world to come for a big bag of empty air! Remember, the only reason it seems so hard is because G-d wants us to work on ourselves, therefore he gave us this "imaginary" struggle. The minute one realizes that it's all a "trick" of G-d to test our loyalty to him, he won't let his heart be swayed any more by "hot air".

However powerful this frame of mind may be though, not always is a person able to manage with this mind-set. Sometimes, no matter how much he tells himself that it's all hot air, his blood is still boiling... That's where Mind Frame 2 comes in...

Mind Frame 2. Learn how to take the pain of saying "No" to yourself. Learn how to enjoy the challenge! Tell yourself, the pain I feel is GOOD for me, the pain I feel is HEALING me, and it is fixing all that I have damaged in the past. Can you imagine the pleasure we give G-d every time we see something that pulls us to go astray, and instead of letting it get to us, we go against everything in our nature and scream out to G-d from the depths of our hearts and say "G-d!! Take this powerful desire of mine on your heavenly alter as a sacrifice for your honor!".

Again, however, not always is a person able to hold onto such a frame of mind. Sometimes a person can't bear the pain and he doesn't feel up to making sacrifices to G-d. Instead, what he sees can cause him to become depressed and end up sinning, G-d forbid. That's where Mind Frame 3 comes in...

Mind Frame 3. Instead of letting yourself feel the pain and having to sacrifice it to G-d, train yourself instead how to uplift the beauty that you see to G-d. In other words, instead of letting the beauty and desire get to you, immediately cry out to G-d in you heart "Oh G-d, how beautiful YOU must be, that you created such beauty in the world! For you, Oh G-d, are the SOURCE of all beauty and pleasure that exists!"..."I want you G-d, as much as I want this! I want you G-d, instead of this!" This frame of mind is a beautiful method of uplifting your heart to G-d and not letting the desire get to you. How holy a person can become, if he trains his mind to think in this way! (For more on this method, see number 3 at our e-mail list page).