Marital Love is Built Outside of the Bedroom

To someone who claims his wife is rarely interested or in the "mood", Elya (who moderates this phone conference) writes:

by Elya (See all authors)

I was recently diagnosed with prostate cancer. As I face the thought of maybe not ever being with my wife again (at least for a year), I look back at the 20 years before I knew I was an addict and think about all of the times I manipulated my wife into being with me, when she really didn't want to. Today, after 10 years
knowing of my addiction and doing something about it, we have a very open, trusting and mutual relationship. I don't get upset when she says no, like I used
to - and then would act out. And the greatest miracle of all, she asks me more than I ask her now!

See, one of the greatest lessons we addicts need to learn is that sex is optional.

We addicts think, live and breathe sex. We "sexualize" guilt, anger, loneliness, and pain. I can tell you that when you can stop resenting your wife when she refusesand work on being intimate with her without sex, you'll have a much more fulfilling life in general - and sex life as well! Find out what puts your wife in the mood (it could be washing the dishes - believe it or not) or just doing little things around the house or with the kids, BEFORE she tells you to.

A woman wants to know you love her outside the bedroom and then she'll love you in the bedroom.

Yes it takes work, just like everything we do in recovery, but it don't take much to take out the garbage and wash the dishes without being asked, or to give her flowers when she knows you're not expecting ANYTHING.

Quite simple, yet extremely effective.