For my recovery, I need to remember that thinking, understanding and identifying reasons are luxuries I don't always get. I need to work my program because I believe I have an addiction and it makes me do things that are wrong (morally, religiously, spiritually, or otherwise). It is my choice to remain in recovery today, no one can possibly force me. If I am here, I need to surrender my right to think, to understand, and to intellectualize. I can think of no greater Yiras Shomayim then accepting the fear of letting go completely, and the fear of controlling my own destiny. It is truly jumping off a cliff, and the fear that is generated is that of "what will God do with me now?". I have fear (Yirah is not technically defined as fear but that's a different discussion) of what goes next. But I also am developing Ahavas Hashem and starting to love the God who is in control. I don't have to be responsible for the outcome of my actions, I just have to try to do my best. Whatever happens next is not in my control. This has worked to keep me sober for over 8 months, one day at a time.