Wednesday, 12 August 2015

It's Never Enough

What do I do if Im not attracted to my wife?

A chat with the GYE admin.

by Yaakov from GYE (See all authors)

Visitor 53991565

11:04 PM

I've been clean 17 days

But I'm a bit stuck.

Visitor 53991565

11:05 PM

I am not at all attracted to my wife. Honest.

Visitor 53991565

11:06 PM

She's gained weight. A lot. What am I to do? Everyone else's wife - yes, this is the addict talking - seems to still be razor thin. Or at least the ones I notice. No fair!

She's put in a lot of effort, to be honest. Doesn't help. Seems like Hashem is trying to make this harder for me.

Guard Your Eyes

11:07 PM

It's funny, we just got this e-mail from a frustrated spouses... Here's an excerpt:

... The situation is getting from worse to terrible. These days, my husband doesn't only look at women, but he also tries chatting them up, even when we are together. He starts joking around with them and even made a couple of inappropriate comments. I don't know what I have done to deserve this! I'm tall with an amazing figure and I always make sure to look stunning for him (and tznius). Am I not good enough for him?? I once asked him, "If I walked around one holiday with you in a very immodest way, would you only look at me!?" He replied, "I would be looking at you and all the other women around". I asked him to explain himself and he said men always want new things!! I think we need to see a marriage counselor, do you know a good one that can help us with these issues? Also an affordable one since I had a baby a few moths ago and I am not currently working and my husbands in kollel!

Visitor 53991565

11:08 PM

wow

I'm pretty convinced that I wouldn't be like that. I think.

But that is...fascinating.

And he's in Kollel, too. And on a budget. And married to a stunning woman. Who has a stunning figure a few months after pregnancy. He's an idiot.

Guard Your Eyes

11:08 PM

It's never enough

Visitor 53991565

11:09 PM

Don't you pas b'salo? Aren't you supposed to marry someone your are attracted to? Mezil Min HaChet and all that?

Guard Your Eyes

11:09 PM

It's always the forbidden and the intriguing that pulls the addict

Visitor 53991565

11:09 PM

How do normal people react when their are no longer attractive .... ? People, who were never addicted. What happens then?

Guard Your Eyes

11:09 PM

מים גנובים מתוקים

Visitor 53991565

11:10 PM

Yes, but I need some of the non-genuvim as well.

Guard Your Eyes

11:10 PM

See this article by Rabbi Twerski: https://guardyoureyes.com/articles/rabbi-twerski/item/shekker-hachein

Visitor 53991565

11:11 PM

you guys rock, by the way.

Guard Your Eyes

11:12 PM

And see this page: http://www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ41.asp

Visitor 53991565

11:13 PM

When I was spoken to her, someone told me that once upon a time she had struggled with her weight, and the wise oracle of the dorm said that I should avoid her...due to plump potential. I said that was stupid and shallow. And now i"m miserable.

...

Visitor 53991565

11:19 PM

Friend of mine lost a kid two weeks ago. He's pretty wealthy, too...

I got the article.

Guard Your Eyes

11:20 PM

Many women gain weight after the first birth. You need to accept that if she would have the most amazing figure, it would not make you any more happy. It's a fact. I know so many guys who struggle with lust with the most stunning wives, it makes no difference to them

Visitor 53991565

11:20 PM

do you really believe that? IT MAKES NO FRIGGIN SENSE? Is that true? That guys with stunning wives - that it makes not difference? That is ridiculous!

How can it be???

Visitor 53991565

11:21 PM

My other relative, married a supermodel. Before pregnancy, after. He's into guys, apparently.

He's also an idiot.

Guard Your Eyes

11:22 PM

Please read this page: http://www.guardyoureyes.org/?p=1733

Visitor 53991565

11:24 PM

....really? People e-mail you "My wife is stunning, but I like looking at net pictures instead". Honest, now.

Guard Your Eyes

11:24 PM

yes, yes and YES

Visitor 53991565

11:24 PM

how do they explain it?

Guard Your Eyes

11:24 PM

What is permitted is always boring

Guard Your Eyes

11:25 PM

מים גנובים מתוקים

Visitor 53991565

11:25 PM

are you playing with me? Is this is the lie they the poor guys with ugly wives?

Guard Your Eyes

11:25 PM

Did you read this page? http://www.guardyoureyes.org/?p=1733

Visitor 53991565

11:26 PM

Marriage isn't going to help them, eh?

yes. I wonder if you guys made it up.

Visitor 53991565

11:27 PM

Equal frequency of addiction?

Guard Your Eyes

11:27 PM

yes. no difference

Visitor 53991565

11:27 PM

Hmmm. I gotta think about this. So in theory, if she had surgery (which i something that disgust me, and is not a practical possibility) I would be EXACTLY where I am?

Visitor 53991565

11:28 PM

but isn't a woman supposed to dress up for her husband, and mezel min hachet. What does that mean?

Guard Your Eyes

11:29 PM

It means that when a man gets triggered by something he saw inadvertently and he feels lust inside of him, he can be with his wife and the lust will go away

Visitor 53991565

11:29 PM

but if he's an addicted, he's screwed.

Guard Your Eyes

11:29 PM

You know, the orgasm feels the same no matter how attractive she is

Guard Your Eyes

11:30 PM

The pleasure comes from YOUR body, not hers

Visitor 53991565

11:30 PM

hmmmm...

Guard Your Eyes

11:30 PM

There's no way out. A person must learn to let go of lust

This is your job on this world

Join our 12-Step phone conferences

Visitor 53991565

11:31 PM

Mister GYE (or is it Rabbi) You've given me a lot to think about. I don't think you made up that e-mail. That's freaky.

Maybe I will

What do you recommend?

Guard Your Eyes

11:31 PM

Have you seen the 8.5 minute video on our home page https://guardyoureyes.com?

It is very informative and will give you an overview how GYE can help you.

If you can't view it for some reason, download it here. https://guardyoureyes.com/hopeful

Visitor 53991565

11:31 PM

Yeah. It hooked me.

Guard Your Eyes

11:32 PM

Here's a good shiur to listen to: https://guardyoureyes.com/GYEFiles/MP3s/TaPHSiC.mp3

Visitor 53991565

11:32 PM

you guys are incredible. I am going to beat this. And then I am going to help you guys.

Guard Your Eyes

11:32 PM

Amen

Visitor 53991565

11:32 PM

deal?

Guard Your Eyes

11:32 PM

DEAL

Haba Letaher Misayin Lo!