Tuesday, 17 January 2012

How To Do a Real Fall

by 1dayatatime (See all authors)

This post is for those who are thinking about falling. It will explain how to do a full, complete, genuine fall. Now make sure you read all the directions before you have your fall. Don't cut corners!

The first thing to do, is to notify those in your life that are going to be affected by your fall. If you have a special someone in your life, such as a spouse or fiancé, you must tell them before you fall that you are going to do so. This will save time after the fall and allow them to start feeling bad sooner. It will also save all that silly time wasted in the "cat and mouse" of uncovering your fall. Now if you really want to go the extra mile, you might punch them in the gut or spit in their face, just to make sure they understand where you are coming from. For those of you with children though, you should not tell them ahead of time. Kids much prefer to be "surprised" when their world is shattered. Besides, their crying and whining might kill the buzz of your fall. It's a matter of setting priorities, right? You must also be sure to tell your friends. Traditionally, this isn't done directly. Let them find out you are a schmuck one by one surreptitiously. That will make the agony drawn out for everyone. How much more fun could that be? How and when your boss and coworkers are informed is a matter of some debate. Some think the loss of respect should start as soon as possible. Others think it should come as a bolt out of the blue. I won't take a position but leave that for each to decide for himself. However, sooner or later your employer and colleagues must be allowed to know. Otherwise you are selling your fall short. Last, and certainly least, you must let the P-rn providers know that you are in the market for more poison. They would find out soon enough. But just to make it obvious, you might put a "sucker" button on or a "kick me" sign on your backside.

Now that all the notifications to your loved ones and acquaintances are done, you must take care of the fiscal matters. Go to the ATM and withdraw all the money you can. Now burn it. I know you might be thinking, "that's meshuga!" But your fall will cost you plenty of money and you need the practice of wasting the money. There is no such thing as "free P-rn". Sooner or later P-rn will cost you a ton of money. Sometimes the costs aren't direct. Sometimes it takes the form of divorce costs, alimony and child support, therapy, etc. But falls will cost you money. Those that have a problem with making a fire can use the garbage disposal or a toilet as an alternative method for the money destruction. The important thing is that the money must be totally wasted and destroyed. If the cash withdrawal caused your checks to start bouncing you earn "extra points." If your rent or mortgage payment bounces you are really making a statement!

Ok, the people and fiscal aspects are set, next we need to discuss the logistics. If you use your computer as your P-rn delivery mechanism of choice, you must prepare it. Secure a sledgehammer. Immediately after your fall, take the sledgehammer and destroy your computer. This is to ensure that your computer becomes useless. Often P-rn introduces computer viruses and other junk to make it useless. But sometimes this doesn't happen soon enough. That's where the sledgehammer comes in as the backup. Speaking of backups, do NOT make any backup of your computer disks before destroying it. That will make the loss of your files an added "bonus". If you don't think you are physically strong enough to destroy your computer with a sledgehammer, pouring a can of soft drink or a cup of coffee into the computer has been used as an alternative method. If you use magazines or printed materials instead of the computer, leave them out in the open afterward for everyone to see them. Don't hide them, you should be proud of them. Extra points if you write your name on them in big bold letters and indicate whose they are "property of".

Last we should take care of the physiological aspects. Get a blunt object. If you used a sledgehammer to destroy your computer, it is possible to use that as the blunt object. Now right after your fall whack yourself in the genitals. I know that seems harsh and extreme. But it is necessary to get the full effect. After all, P-rn usage and falls should eventually lead to erectile dysfunction. The whack should be done to try to simulate that. Right now some of you are shaking your head saying to yourself, "I'm not doing that." I understand your point of view. You might be thinking, hurting others, wasting money and destroying my computer you can handle, but you are drawing the line at a shot to the gonads. All I can say is if you really, really want to have all that a fall entails, it has to be done.

By now, some of you are wondering if you can "cut corners". Perhaps have a fall without some of these "benefits". Others have tried that, but until you have done a full-on fall you haven't done a complete one. That means you really have only two choices. Either you keep practicing falls until you get it done fully and completely, or you stop falling. Others of you are now reconsidering whether a fall is worth it at all. I can't argue against that, because that's actually right. So now the choice should be clearer.

So what's it going to be: keep falling until you get it all, or quit falling?