A Newcomer Welcomes a Newcomer
Welcome Halevi. First, you are not a bad Jew. Hashem created T'shuvah even before Torah - not for the zaddik gamur. He made it for us struggling yiddin, who love Hashem and long for Him with such ferocity that we cry ourselves to sleep sometimes.
Next, you will learn here that Hashem does not negate a mitzvah for an aveira. Keep on being as frum as you can. It matters.
Finally, I just learned these things the other day and they've really helped me:
1) Talk to Hashem all day long. About the littlest things - "Thank you Hashem for my forgetting my teffilin so I could ask another man to borrow his teffilin, humble myself and give the other guy the opportunity to do a great mitzvah." .... "Thank you for the smile the boss gave me." All day long, just talk to Him.
2) Watch for Hashgach u'pratis all day long, the little tiny ones.
3) Post a lot on this forum. One of my biggest problems has been the big secret/lie. So I post a lot to constantly know I'm not alone, and that other guys care in a big unselfish way that I can be clean, bright and shiny.
You have taken such an enormous step by joining our most earnest group of G-d fearing and G-d loving Yiddin. You are off to a great, sincere start that was difficult to make. Hashem made us with imperfections so we could know Teshuva and the sweet suffering and joy that goes with it.