Last Rosh Hashana, I davened that Hashem should let me die. Literally. I was saying "zochreinu lechaim" and crying "no, please don't, because I can't live with this anymore". I wanted to serve Hashem, but it just used to be just too painful to wake up every morning. More than anything else, I don't want to be in that place again.
R' Guard - I seriously envy the olam haba you are getting for starting GYE. It's one of the best things that has ever happened to me, and I think a lot of people feel the same. Thank you.