A Big Mazel Tov to our dear member "Hoping" who reached 90 days
Hashem caused me to see a Yalkut Shimoni this Shabbos that is very appropriate for the occasion of Hoping's big day. Click here to see the piece in Lashon Kodesh. I will bring a few translated excerpts here in his honor, since we all need to be inspired by the spirit of "hope" that he effuses on our forum:
The Pasuk in Tehillim says: "Kavo Kivisi La'Hashem va'yet elai - Hoping did I hope to Hashem, and He turned to me". Says the Medrash: "In the World to Come, all the Tzadikim will dance in a circle and point to Hashem and say "this is Hashem that I hoped to, let's rejoice and be happy in his salvation". Continues the Medrash... "The Jewish people have nothing but "hope", and it is in the merit of their "hope" that they will achieve the ultimate salvation. Should a person ask, "so much time has passed and we still have not been saved", says the Pasuk: "Kavei el Hashem, Chazak ve'ametz libecha vikavei el Hashem - Hope to Hashem, strengthen and fortify your heart and hope to Hashem". If you hoped and were not saved, hope and hope again! And should you ask, "until when should we hope?" Says the Pasuk, "Yachel Yisrael el Hashem me'ta ve'ad olam - Yisrael hopes to Hashem from now and forever". Says Dovid (Kavo Kivisi La'Hashem va'yet elai): "From (through) my hoping, Hashem turned to me and heard my supplications".
What a perfect nickname "Hoping" chose for himself. We must never lose hope, no matter how hopeless it may look. And indeed, in the merit of our hoping to G-d, we become worthy of His true salvation!
A Few Great Posts From "Hoping" on the Forum
Hoping's First Post:
I have just discovered this site two days ago, and I think this is the first time in years that I really think that I can do Teshuva for my sins. I have been masturbating for 20 years and I have tried to stop countless times. Aside from my terrible addiction, I have been quite successful in other areas of my life. I am what some people consider a solid Kollel yungerman, and I have a wonderful marriage. However, every step of my life has been tainted with my feeling that I am disgusting and that if anyone knew the real me, they would run the other way. I have tried to stop in the past but I have always fallen down, often to a worse point than where I was initially. I would love some Chizuk from people who have dealt with similar situations and I think that I would benefit from some advice on "hitting the bottom while still on top". I am ready to fight, but I cannot be successful without the support of this forum. Please help!
On his 8th Day Hoping wrote:
I realize that the difference between all of the fighting that I have done until now and my current battle is that I have always focused on my success in terms of my ability to stay clean forever. This has not allowed me to appreciate small successes. Every time that I felt the Yetzer Hara strengthening, I felt that the point of the fight was gone. After all, eventually I would succumb anyhow. After that, I would inevitably get depressed and feel that I wasted my time and effort (and gave up a bunch of potentially pleasurable opportunities along the way). In my short time on GuardYourEyes however, I have come to appreciate every moment as an accomplishment. This is true in terms of Zechuyos (merits) and also in terms of steps towards recovery. Also, by reading about the progression of this disease in the Handbooks, I realize that every time that I turn away, I have avoided getting myself deeper into trouble. This is true at any time, whether I am counting days or not. I truly 'hope' that this journey is one that I will be on forever, but right now I am taking it one day at a time and I am thankful to Hashem that He has led me to be part of this wonderful forum.
On his 15th Day Hoping wrote:
I am happily starting week three and I just realized that BE"H 90 days will hit in the middle of Elul. I know it's a bit early for me to think about it - and I am trying to go one day at a time, but I could not help but feel some anticipation to do some real Teshuva this year. I could never really do Teshuva on any aveiros (even those unrelated to lust) when I felt that I was not truly willing to return to Hashem (i.e. leave my addiction). I see in the process of recovery - an overall Hiskarvus to Hashem that goes way beyond the scope of Lust or any other individual problem.
Hoping also wrote:
The purpose of this site is not the goal itself, it is the journey that is important; the ups, the downs, the falls, the slips, and the days you feel like you are going nowhere. It is all part of this wonderful journey. I have found that the most inspiring and successful stories on this site came from people who kept on going up and down but still kept traveling on the journey and didn't give up. Of course, it is extremely important to read the GYE books, but my point is that in a way, a fall while on the journey is worth more than a clean day while you aren't trying. So Please, Please continue with us, and allow us to travel in the way of Hashem together.
These words of Hoping: "A fall while on the journey is worth more than a clean day while you aren't trying" - have become one of the most famous sayings on our forum!