Wednesday, 21 March 2012

No urge to do anything which I should not

by Ano-nymous (See all authors)

This Wednesday was 30 weeks clean. I have just about no urge to do anything which I should not. On the other hand, the further I get from my starting point, the more I can "feel" spiritually and emotionally. People tell me that I look happier and I act nicer. I certainly don't look at women the way I did before. I can talk to them when I need to, without feeling disgusting and having disgusting ideas and images going through my head.

I do realize that for many people here, the damage is deeper and cannot be fully undone. But realize, this has nothing to do with your strength. If you were addicted for a much longer period of time, you may never be able to see a pretty woman without being overwhelmed by lust. Again, this has nothing to do with willpower. Hashem was kind to me and let me get out of this early, and for that I'm very thankful. But each person here must do what can be done to avoid things which are triggering to them. If that means never speaking with women, that is what must be done, and I have much more respect and admiration for those people who fell to that level and have still broken the addiction, than I do for myself and others like me.

By the way... I'm spending so much time on this forum because I feel like reading every single new post. But I am watching as the forum continues to grow in leaps and bounds, and I don't know how I'm going to keep up. I hope to see this "problem" keep getting worse! :-)